Grown Up
by a.kingsly
Summary: New Moon. Edward leaves. Bella turns 25. Seven years later she still lives in Forks. Her dreams didn't come true. Unhappy and lonely, Bella lost hope to find the Cullens, but one accident changed everything...
1. Chapter 1

**_Preface_**

It is said that first love hurts most of all. You get an open wound, somewhere inside of your heart, and it's very hard to heal it. Memories stay with you, returning old pain.

Fortunately, this pain dies away with the lapse of time. The wound skins over, leaving an ugly coarse seam. It is said that love leaves scars. I cannot but agree with that.

My name is Bella Swan. I'm turning 25 very soon. I still live in Forks, a little town hidden in clouds.

My first love changed me too, but I'm too tired to feel sorry for that. Sooner or later there comes a time when you need to grown up.

One day you should stop waiting for the one who had poisoned your life.

* * *

 **Chapter 1. An ordinary life**

I was lost in my thought and woke up only when someone called to me again.

'I'm sorry… Could you repeat your question?' I forced myself to speak.

Actually, I have stopped being so distracted, but I shrink into my shell from time to time. Everyone got used for that. I got that habit a long time ago. It became a part of my nature.

'Can you show me that knapsack?' asked a thin man with a mop of grey hair, pointing at the mazarine blue bag on the top shelf. His glasses shifted and stopped on the edge of his nose.

I nodded.

'Sure. It's a very good model.'

Standing on tiptoes, I picked up the rucksack and offered it to the client. He started to twist it, holding the bag awkwardly in his hands. I looked closely at the client. Man's coat was too thin for this weather; his shoes didn't fit for sport. I could bet the man just has been driving nearby, but after noticing the forest from the filling station he made up his mind to a little adventure. I couldn't blame him for that. Such clients were the only reason why the Newtons still had this store.

The client hasn't sorted out how the locks worked, but I kept silent. If he wanted to pretend a professional, it's his choice. The man continued to examine the bag, primed, knitted his brow, but didn't want to ask questions.

Actually, I could really help him. I have worked in this store since my school days. That's weird. It seems to happen so recently. But it was like… seven years ago?

I haven't noticed when I started to bit my lip. I felt familiar taste of salt and metal. Damn. I need to be careful. I shouldn't…

… _do anything reckless or stupid_. That phrase still haunted me. Of course, I should stop dreaming and move on. By the way, I made progress, you know. Many events happened in these seven years. My class finished school. I have been distracted since I turned 18, so it influenced on my school leaving certificate. My parents tried to cheer me up. They kept saying I would succeed next year. I needed some time, that's all. Damn time. I would go up to university next time.

Next time didn't happen. I still work at Newton's, spending day after day. Each of them looks exactly like previous one, and sometimes it's hard for me to notice how time's getting along.

'Hardly sorted out how these locks work', finally said the client with a light smile. He seemed to give up pretending that he didn't know anything about sport goods.

I forced a smile. Somebody should admit I have always been a bad shop assistant. I'm silent, unsociable and have no idea how to sell the good to a client. But there is no other job here. Forks is too little town. Moreover, Mr. Newton lost Mike's help years ago. My former classmate went to college and barely visited Forks now. Jessica moved away too. After taking a bachelor's degree somewhere in California, she stayed there and was preparing to marry. I got an invitation too. Of course, I won't go anywhere, but to get the letter was nice, although very strange.

I communicate only with Angela Weber. She is a perfect friend, because she never has time for me. Angela preferred to stay in Forks after leaving school. She wanted to take care about her family members. Now, seven years later, the girl got a husband and kids. Her son, Henry, was three years old; the second child was on his way. Angela was afraid to be bewitched but I thought it must be the girl this time. Full house.

'The locks look too complicated, but they're very reliable. All our clients praise them.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. Especially, if you're a rock climber… or a fan of long walks. It's a very good choice.'

'Hmmm…'

The man twisted it again. My voice sounded strong this time. He must trust me.

'You seem to have some experience in this field', he said.

'I have worked here for the last seven years', I answered honestly.

'Have you?' his surprise sounded real. 'You look much younger. I thought you must be study at school.'

'I'm well preserved'.

Now I can joke about it without starting thinking about the Cullens. Well, almost… I try not to think about them, but Edward is my first infatuation. I don't want to call it love. I always thought that love meant something good.

After a short reflection the client gave up and left the store with the rucksack wrapped in a pocket with Newton's shop logo. I looked at my watch. I had a half an hour till the end of the working day. I tidied the store up and went to the storeroom to change my closes. Found keys, closed the store and turned the alarm system on. Time to go home.

There is nothing special about my life. It always occurs with people who stuck in little towns. It seems like you have the whole life ahead, but in real you have to rot here, with people who know everything about you. That's even worse. You have nowhere to go and nowhere to hide. Every your step and every mistake will be remembered.

Like my unsuccessful marriage, for example… I'm trying not to think about it too. I still live with my dad, Charlie, a Police Chief. No, wait, I had some changes too. I got a new car. My Chevy died five years ago, just around my 20th birthday. Renee and Charlie gave me some money, so I brought a new truck. It's very similar with an old one, but has a better motor.

After returning home I cooked the dinner. Charlie promised to come back earlier today.

'I'm home!' he cried from the threshold. Dad hoped the note would hasten the process of cooking.

I could notice the smell of fresh forest heard from the corridor. I got used to that and, despite of little anxiety, rising from memory, managed to love that.

'Hi, dad! Take off your coat. The dinner is ready!'

I needed to hurry Charlie; otherwise he would get stuck in front of the TV set, watching a new game. I had no desire to have a cold meal on the coach.

'What's for dinner?'

The dinner ran its course, repeating the other evening events.

Sometimes, lying in a bed with no sleep, I start to think when everything has turned upside down in my life. Of course, I always find the answer.

 _The Cullens_. I haven't heard anything about them for almost seven years. God knows I have tried to find them. I really did, but couldn't find anything. That task appeared to be too difficult for such an ordinary human like me.

Leaving me, Edward wanted to protect me, but everything got worse. My dreams didn't come true. Sometimes, looking at the sky through the yellowed curtains, I imagine what life I could have if everything had happened in a different way. Sometimes I want to change the past, but no one can set it right.

Edward and his family disappeared from my life just like they have never existed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. Loneliness**

When I came down the stairs in the morning, Charlie has been already at the kitchen. The dinner table was filled up with rods, fishing tackles and hooks.

'Hey, Dad.'

Charlie was surprised to notice me at the kitchen at that early time.

'Did I wake you? Sorry, dear.'

'No, it wasn't you. Don't worry.'

'It's early, Bells,' he added in a mild voice. The watch was at six and a half. 'Go back to the bed. Sleep a little bit more.'

'It's all right.'

I had nightmares again. Once I was planning to go to the doctor specialized in sleep disturbance, but Forks was too little town for that.

I decided to check If Dad had eaten anything. The kitchen sink was empty. I frowned.

'You haven't had breakfast', I said with disapproval.

'I'm not hungry'.

I had no idea what was that - laziness or banal fear of cooking - but that childishness was very irritating.

'That's a likely story…' I murmured. It was impossible to argue with Charlie. Instead of this I opened the fridge, examined it and turned toward father. 'How about fried eggs?'

Dad's face brightened up.

'Fried eggs are good'.

I shook my head, hiding a smile.

I was making breakfast, Dad continued preparing for fishing. Everyone minded his own business. When we had the moments like that, I didn't feel sorry for staying in Forks. The past with Renee, my somewhat eccentric mother, seemed to be distant, almost unreal, hidden under an opaque solid film. Memory saved just a few moments, but even they were going to vanish in time.

At last Charlie announced that he had packed everything he needed. The rest of the stuff was hidden in the attic. I served the breakfast. We started to eat, and only forks' gritting noise was heard in the kitchen. It became usual for me too. Charlie and I have never been great talkers. I got more resemble with Dad as I got older. We both have been cursed, perhaps. Both failed in love, both stuck in a little town. The only difference was that Charlie had me, and I…

'By the way, I just wanted to say…' Dad broke the silence.

The gritting hasn't been heard anymore. I took an automatic look to Charlie's plate. It was only half empty. I stared at father, frowning. Dad grown timid, noticing my look. He stopped being so enthusiastic.

'I wanted to warn you about something', he spoke in a roundabout way.

'About what?'

'I go fishing with Mark. He's going to pick me up in a few minutes…'

Mark was Charlie's assistant. I have known him for years. I shrugged my shoulders and continued having breakfast.

'So what?'

Charlie sighed, disappointed that I hasn't got anything yet.

'I'm leaving my truck here. There's something wrong with it. I asked Jacob to help me. He promised to come and see what had happened.'

Ouch.

'All right', I went off my food. 'When will he arrive? I planned to go for a walk', I added, justifying myself.

I hoped my planned airing would change their planes. Don't know when I became such a coward.

'He promised to arrive after eleven in the morning. Some problems at a fix-it shop.'

Charlie continued eating.

'In the end, your presence is not necessary. The car is outside, not at the kitchen.'

I nodded. The conversation seemed to be very strange for us. Charlie was too afraid of it.

Everything fell into place, when Dad added, sighing:

'Listen, Bells… If you meet Jacob, promise me to stay polite with him.'

I gave him an offensive look.

'I'm always polite with Jacob Black.'

'You know what I mean'.

I sighed. My past friendship with Jacob was lost. Sometimes I think we'll never be able to revive it. We're only human, not the machines. We can't go back and restart the system from the last successful point.

It's ironic, but Charlie blamed me for that. He believed I had offended Jacob. _Twice_. First, when chose Edward so soon after moving to Forks. When the Cullens left, something broke inside of me. Jake tried to bring me round, but nothing helped. I proceeded to distance from all of my friends. Then I offended Jake for the second time. I married the first comer, proving that all my sympathy for Jake was just an illusion.

Mark appeared on the threshold. He didn't dare to ring a doorbell, just knocked. Charlie breathed freely and slipped out the table.

'I need to go. We expect the fish biting well today', his voice became cheerful again. 'Have fun'.

'You too'.

Dad turned round and added:

'Your walk. Try not to go far away from the house. I'll worry'.

I'm not a child anymore, but Charlie'll never accept that.

After washing the dishes I had nothing to do in the house. It's time to stretch my legs. I looked out the window and guessed that rain would start in an hour. After spending seven years in Forks, I managed to predict the weather.

Rain hasn't disappointed me at all. I just needed to find my old raincoat, that's all. It's always damp and chilly here. I couldn't cancel my walk because of the weather.

I put the raincoat over the sweater and went to the forest. Fifteen minutes later caught the right rhythm. I went ahead, breathing greedily, watching carefully where I was going.

Once, after Edward's leave, I visited _our_ glade. Its earth was burnt just like the wound I had at the time. I have never come there anymore. Instead of this I usually made a stop earlier, at the place where the sun hasn't seen yet. When my stumps were all pooped out, I arranged myself under a tall fir. I laid an old counterpane, made myself comfortable and started to enjoy the weather.

Here, in the deep forest, air seems to be green. When it's raining, drops patter on stones and leaves, creating a complicated intricate song. I'm trying to remember it, but the song changes all the time, so I have to start again. Smells get stronger, and I start breath easily, despite of moisture abundance.

The forest became my home. It became my protection, the place where I can hide and think about everything. I have learned to love the forest, although it wasn't always like that. Everything has changed now. This world is mine, and I won't let anyone come closer.

There was my main problem, actually.

By eleven the sun was getting closer. I should come home. The walk put me in a good mood. The road back was faster and easier; I have been smiling for the first time since the beginning of the week.

When I turned home, Jake was already here, fiddling with Charlie's car. He noticed me from the distance, but didn't say hello, pretending he was too busy for that.

'Hi, Jake', I said, approaching. My voice sounded friendly. I promised Charlie to be nice.

'Hello', he answered without looking at me.

Old discomfort came back. Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I didn't know what to say. We needed to start a conversation, but it was hard to find the right topic. Jake and I haven't been friends anymore.

'Is anything serious with the car?' I forced to say.

Jacob stopped working. We exchanged glances. To my surprise, there was no anger in them anymore.

Jake smiled, trying to smooth over the cool reception. Jacob used to be rude with me, but he was hesitating now, unaware what to do.

'I should say not. I'll repair it in few minutes.'

'Great.'

We had nothing to talk about. I couldn't speak about the machine parts – Jake was a real master in that field. He's opened his own repair shop now. Many Forks citizens visited him to get help. If I remembered well, Jake's got a girlfriend, but I can't be sure.

'Well, I'll get into the house. If you need me – go straight to the kitchen.'

I was opening the entrance door, when Jake asked:

'Bella… Can I ask you about something?'

'Yes, of course.'

Jacob's face changed. I have seen it already today. Jake was as uncertain as Charlie. It was the same confusion, the same discomfort. I didn't like it.

'I've heard Charlie's conversation with Billie. Your father said you're getting a divorce. Is that true?'

I could offend on Charlie, but it had no sense. He worried about me, much stronger that I deserved. We haven't used to discuss our problems at home, that's why Dad decided to share them with Billie. Moreover, everybody knew that David and I stopped living together. He came back to Seattle, I stayed at Forks. Our divorce was a solved case.

'Yes. That's true, Jacob. Dave is going to call me in a few days. Papers are just about to be ready.'

Jake nodded.

'Thanks for being frank with me.'

Then he suddenly laughed, confusing me.

'What's up?' I asked. Jake shook his head. At last, he took a glance at me. All mildness gone, leaving only a stranger, not a former friend.

'Why have you marred David so fast if you don't even want him?'

I froze.

'I just can't understand', Jake continued, speaking fast. 'I'm curious, what was that? A youthful rebelliousness? I'm really trying to understand you – and I don't…'

I stood silent. Actually, he appeared to be quite right. I married David soon after my failed search of the Cullen family. But I wasn't going to share it with Jacob. Not with the guy who couldn't decide how to behave with me – being nice or extremely honest.

'Sorry If I offended you,' Jake was frowning, hesitating again. He thought I nursed a grievance.

'It's okay', I was tired of his instability. 'I'll go inside.'

I wasn't offended. I was empty. Yeah, it was really the problem. I sent all my friends away. It's better to hide in my own shell than to speak with people.

Accepting my loneliness, I've learned to enjoy it. I didn't need anyone any more.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. A comet

I sat by the window and examined the sky that was changing its color. The day was cold, so the colors have been saturated today. At least, for my eyes.

Everything looks different for a vampire.

Twilight has dissolved in the darkness, making way for the endless night. I could see how the purple color turned violet, changed into bilberry and only then got rich blue shade. I liked that period of time. Too fragile, twilight will always amaze me with its beauty. My name is Edward Cullen. I've seen lots of endless nights, but twilight was an inexplicable wonder to me.

Our house was situated not far from Vancouver, on edge of the forest. My family moved here about eight months ago. Properly speaking, turned back, because we have never stayed for too long at one spot.

However, half of my family was absent at the moment. Emmet and Rosalie were in Europe, enjoying their new honeymoon. Father was out too. Carlisle participated in the medical conference devoted to cardiac diseases. He was going to arrive in a country at night. I have heard Elis shift to the living room, preparing to wait for dad there. All family members were planning to hunt after Carlisle's arrival.

Everyone except me. I arrived at Canada a few days ago and hunted before the others. I don't actually visit the family very often, but I have promised Esme to come back time after time.

I have visited many different places for the last seven years. After spending a year in Alaska with the Denaly family, I started to wander around the world, visiting the wettest places on globe. I didn't care where exactly to go, but the distance was my privilege. My dwelling here was almost a record. For the first time I was so close to…

Alice's thoughts changed. I could see her vision as clear as she was watching it. Alice sighed. Carlisle wouldn't come home this night. We could see the future that hasn't happen yet, but was going to happen very soon.

Carlisle must meet one of old colleagues at the airport. The grey-haired plump man would call to him in a crowd and ask for help immediately, without hiding nervousness. A difficult case, he would say, and a hospital had lack for professionals. The vision was finishing on that, but we knew what decision Carlisle would take. He would prefer to risk, but to save human life. Alice was frowning, trying to see the future, but nothing worked. I shook my head. It is going to stay misty until the meeting happens in the real life.

I could bet the family had nothing to worry about. Despite the potential risk, everything should be fine. Meetings with people from out past were very rare. Carlisle's colleague was too confused in Alice's vision, and it was great. At the moment of stress people don't usually pay attention to details. Carlisle will do his job and vanish into thin air before they start asking questions.

Alice stood up.

'Esme!' she cried, going upstairs. Alice wanted to tell our mother about Carlisle's delay and offer Esme to go hunting immediately, without waiting for dad. Alice knew how thirsty Jasper was. In my opinion, sister's decision was absolutely right. I was sick of Jasper's obtrusive pictures inside of his head. It's better for them to hunt now than wait till the last moment. Jasper seemed to support that idea. Having heard the latest news, he breathed freely and got up, ready for hunting.

There was no point to stay in the empty house. Instead of this I jumped off from the open window. The landing appeared to be very quite, almost noiseless, but I knew the others would notice that. As an evidence of my theory Esme turned her head to my side and sighed. I could read true concern inside of her thoughts. It became mum's constant feeling since our departing from Forks.

I was ashamed. Esme was the best mother I could ever imagine. The memories of my real mom, Elizabeth, have been almost deleted. My human past was too vague. Mother's face was reflecting in Carlisle's memories that I had seen in his thoughts. He came back to that reminiscence recently, recalling their last conversation, Elizabeth's pale face and her piercing green eyes I had once too.

 _Save him, save him!_

Carlisle recalled that moment, justifying himself. I couldn't blame him for that. In the end, he fulfilled the promise made to my mother. He saved my life, and I should thank Carlisle for that. Now, hundred years later, I still had parents who cared about me. Parents I have never deserved, in my opinion.

I needed to hide from another's thoughts. I picked up speed in a few minutes, retreating to the depth of the forest. The voices left my head, making room for my own thoughts. I continued increasing my run. Everything was dividing into colorful stains flickering before my eyes. It fancied me formerly. Unfortunately, I stopped to enjoy my life and notice that kind of trifles. I continued to see only one picture, and it was impossible to get rid of it. That was my main problem, actually. I still saw _her_ face, and couldn't do anything to stop it.

I almost reached the American border. Forced to slow down, I peered into the distance with distrust and easy nervousness. Leaving Bella, I promised never disturb her again. I kept my promise, but I was so close to her now. It was so easy to loose my temper. That's why I travelled so far away. It's not because of me – because of my fear. When you're away, it's getting hard to give up everything and come back to the old place.

I made myself comfortable on a field stone and started to examine stars, hoping that it could help me control myself. Old memories filled my head. They were stronger then another's thoughts. It was the reflection of my own feelings.

 _Hello. My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan?_

I remembered every day that I had spent with Bella. Now, when we broke up, I was counting the days of our parting.

My family reacted to our moving from Forks in different ways. Rosalie was the happiest, at least, in the beginning. Despite the necessity to start a new life, my sister didn't hide her joy about coming back to our old lifestyle. Her jealousy exceeded all other feelings. Not for too long. Quite soon Rosalie became irritated by my discouraged look. The train of her thoughts changed, so I started to read pity and shame in them. Rosalie finally realized that my tortures would never stop. It meant the end of our old life. We couldn't just make a new start by moving from one little town to another and begin a new circle of lie again.

Emmet missed Forks too, in a way. My brother considered that period of time as funny, but short adventure, and remembered Forks with grief, regretting that he couldn't repeat it again.

Parents' reaction was more complicated. Carlisle has known the rower of love and saw how much it had changed me. He also knew that I have never fall in love again.

It upsets him. Neither Carlisle nor Esme can help me, but they share my grief with me, as far as possible. In exchange I try to visit them frequently. That's all what I can do for them.

The most difficult part was Alice. We stopped speak about Bella. I forbade my sister to look into her future, and sister' visions vanished soon after that. We didn't know what happen to Bella after all these years. Perhaps, she became a college student, left Forks and forgot about her first love. Or she could marry. I didn't know that, but I knew something for sure. There was no place for me in Bella's life any more.

We left Bella in our past. But we weren't humans. We couldn't forget our memories. Alice doesn't speak of it, but I know: _she misses her too._ Noticing a fragile girl or long-haired brunette on the street, she immediately starts to think of Bella. Alice sees her in every little detail that surrounds us. Just like me. We both endure this pain over and over again. This wound will never skin over. But, in spite of having this pain, Alice can move on, because she always will have Jasper. They're made for each other. It's sad I will never find out what's like – to have someone who can always be near.

I continued examining stars. My life was a full night, ceaseless and dark. When I met Bella, everything has changed. The darkness gave place to the light. Bella burst into my life like a spark, she was a comet that had lightened up my heart and gave hope to find my soul. But that light couldn't shine forever. Blind, I destined to stare at the sky without noticing the shining of beautiful stars.

I still saw the comet before my eyes, but it had burned down. It's all over. You can't change the past. All what I can do now is to live day after day, waiting for death. My life is empty, just like a place in my chest where my soul must live.

I sighed, got up and turned round. It's time to go home. I need to run away. I need to stay away from Bella, from Forks and from my love for her.

 _There was no place for me in Bella's life any more._

That thought encouraged me, and I run faster, trying not to look back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4. The line**

I was in my room when the phone rang, so Charlie had to pick it up. Dad's voice sounded strained, so I realized who was calling immediately.

It was Dave, of course.

'Bella!' Dad cried, waiting for me to go downstairs. I found Charlie staying in the corridor, holding the handset as far as possible just as if it was dangerous. He preferred to leave David in awkward silence. I shook my head.

'It's for you.'

'Thanks. It's Dave?' I asked. I knew the answer, but I needed the pause to get ready for the conversation.

Charlie nodded.

'Yes, it's your husband. Former, I hope…' he murmured, returning to the living room.

Dad's relationship with David was… complicated. It's not because Dave was a bad person, not at all. To be honest, he didn't deserve the attitude like that. The problem was that neither Renee nor Charlie accepted our marriage. I couldn't convince them of my love for Dave. Moreover, my parents considered a fast marriage as the mistake I would regret. The story resembled their past, or, properly speaking, its worst part. Break up and divorce. Our marriage was considered as a bad idea since the very beginning, so parents didn't get along with Dave.

'Hi', said I when Charlie was out of sight.

'Hello', answered David. His voice was tired and muffled. He made a deep breath, choosing the right words. 'Are you… Are you all right?'

The situation was clumsy. We both had no idea what to say, but we needed to start our talk. It's time to pretend normal, speak about something usual and to come closer to the main topic of conversation.

'I'm fine. Did Charlie torture you?'

'Oh, not at all', Dave laughed, but this laugh wasn't funny at all. 'He gave me carte blanche, so I've got some time to prepare before I could hear your voice.'

I blushed. The conversation was moving in the wrong direction, much worse that I have expected. My hands grew cold.

'What's about the documents? They're ready, right?'

My voice sounded confidently, almost rough. I was surprised by that. It was weird to speak about the divorce, even when it was about to finish. I was nervous, that's why I have said it like that. I needed help, but there was no one to help me.

'Yeah', Dave said, confused with my sharp words a bit. Luckily, he has learned to forgive my mistakes. 'Everything's ready. I took the papers. You can arrive and sign them. When can you come?'

'I can visit you tomorrow', I declared after a short pause. 'Is it fine?'

'Sure. I'll be waiting for you.'

Sunday was a perfect variant. I spent weekdays working at Newton's. In theory I could get a day off, but that idea wasn't good. I had no desire to change the routine fixed many years ago. It was uncomfortable for me even to think of changing.

I liked to live the life in accordance with my own rules. Maybe.

The distance between Forks and Seattle is about 140 miles. The trip takes three and half hours. Four, if the weather is bad or you're stuck in traffic. I was planning to leave Forks at 9 A.M. and arrive at Seattle four hours later. The signing shouldn't be very long, and I could return home in the late evening.

I was going to spend the whole day in my truck, but it was fine. It can be boring for someone, but not for me. I always have something to think about.

'Be careful, Bells', said dad, accompanying me to my car. 'Be attentive on the road, okay?'

The morning was cold, but the weather promised to change. I pulled cautiously into the roadway. The adventure began.

I haven't visited Seattle for a while. I drive to Port-Angeles or Olympia time after time, visiting malls. It's enough for me. Dave came from Seattle, so I associated this city with him. I'm trying to avoid it now. It's hard to admit that I'm ashamed of my failed marriage. I have enough problems with Renee. In contrast to Charlie she was really offended when I had got married against her will. She finally got a maternal instinct, but it was too late for that. I didn't listen any of mom's persuasions, getting my own way, repeating her own mistake. We have drifted apart since that day. Charlie was my only best friend now. He wasn't like Renee and could forgive me for anything. And mom… she has learned to hold a grudge.

Renee was also offended by my choice of vacation few years ago. After working at the Newton's for a few years I saved up for a little journey. The money was rubbish, but I could afford a little adventure. My parents reacted to the news with a huge enthusiasm. Mom decided I was going to fly to Jacksonville and spend my vacation there. Dad didn't mind too. He must have been hoping it would cheer me up a bit.

My decision surprised them all. I announced that I wouldn't go to Jacksonville and see Renee only on Christmas. Instead of this I was planning to travel by car, visiting different towns in the northern part of the country. I didn't plan to stay anywhere for too long. Just to spend a day in one town – and drive to another.

Renee was furious.

'You can't do this!' She protested, phoning me again and again. I had a headache because of her constant ring bells. Renee was unprepared to give up.

'It's so silly, dear! Why you should spend your free time in the places so small? It's even hard to call them towns!'

'I want to explore the country', I was saying. I was a bad liar, but I've tried my very best. 'Every region has its beauty. National parks, forests…'

'And wetness too. And you gonna stay here, in that cold! You could spend your vacations with me, enjoying the real sun!'

I didn't want to explain the real reason for this choice. No one would believe me.

I was going to search for the Cullens, try to find something concerning them. I know, it sounds stupid now but then… it was my last chance. My memories of Edward, Alice and their family members started to fade. It concerned me. I didn't want to forget them and kept fighting. There was nothing left to me reminding about the Cullens. What if they weren't real? It couldn't be a massive hallucination. Once I thought I could try to find them. Only try. Perhaps, I wanted to prove myself something. The idea seemed crazy at first, but it revived me in the end. It became my aim, and I wanted to fulfill the plan whatever silly it was.

I planned everything. The Cullens must settle in the territory with cloudy climate. Chosen towns need to be small, quiet, whose citizens are simple and less suspicious. There should be the forest quite near, supplying the Cullens with a fresh portion of animal blood. And the town must have a hospital where Carlisle could work. In spite of some changes, this part of the legend remained constant.

Moreover, The Cullens couldn't live too close to Forks. Meetings with people from the past weren't in their rules. Plus, Edward promised to leave me forever. He fulfilled it. I won't be surprised if he's on the other side of the galaxy now.

I examined the climatic map of the country and marked a dozen of towns suitable for my requirements. I drove to the place, registered in a local motel and went to the hospital. It was impossible to ask questions about Carlisle openly. Somewhere inside I still worried about the Cullens. What if my questions will get them into trouble? It was necessary to be careful. When I didn't found anything, I came back to the motel, had a rest and then drove to another marked place, beginning the journey again.

My vacation was spent in vain. I found nothing in those little towns. I might have done something wrong. In the end, I was only a fragile human. Tired and exhausted, I was driving home. It was too hard to go to Forks without making a stop, so I made the last one at Seattle.

That day I met Dave. We married six months later. Today the time had come for coming back and finishing our story.

As I expected, the weather got better soon. It was too stuffy in the truck, so I turned the heater off. Seattle met me with a nice warm wind. The sky was covered with clouds, but I wasn't sure it was going to rain. Not now, at least.

I stooped in front of the house on the edge of the city. David's forefathers were woodworkers, so the building wasn't just a family home. It was made by them. David's relatives put their souls in the house, imprinting themselves in an eternity.

Standing on the porch, I made a deep breath and rang a doorbell. The door opened immediately, and I saw David. He looked just if he was standing on the threshold, preparing for the reception.

'Hello, come in', he said, letting me in the house.

I appeared in the corridor and looked around. Nothing has changed since the day when I was here for the last time. The long narrow corridor with no umbrella stands or shelves. When Dave found out about my clumsiness, he removed them immediately. Numerous photos on the walls, mostly old ones. Our wedding photo was absent. I have never been photogenic, so I asked Dave to remove it. He agreed.

'How was your trip? The weather is very changeable.'

We were following to the dinning room. All furniture was handmade, of course.

'It was rather cold in the morning, but the weather is better now.'

We stopped. I glanced at a table and noticed the documents.

Then Dave realized that I was still wearing by coat.

'Sorry. Let me help you…'

He was fussing. I was relieved noticing that. We both felt ill at ease. Dave disappeared in the corridor hanging up my coat. I put one chair up and took a seat. After making a deep breath, I moved the papers up.

Dave came back. He hesitated a little, unaware where to sit. Finally he stepped closer to me, trying to help.

David smelled of wood and cinnamon. He liked tea with cinnamon. I had remembered that although it was going to be my past.

'It's simple. You need to sign here… and here…' he showed.

Then Dave sat leftward, but not too close, leaving some privacy for me. After examining the text, I looked at David.

There was nothing special about him. Dark blond hair, features lacked brightness. Brown eyes, attentive and careful. Dave was wearing a shirt he had brought before our marriage. He was nice and simple, and I liked it when we first met. In contrast to others, Dave has never shown off. He didn't dazzle people. Dave's humble look reminded me Charlie a bit.

My heart sank. It's sad that I can't see his beauty. I sighed, looked away and came back to the papers. A moment – and a signature were ready.

I glared at Dave again. He pretended examining the table top. Looking hard, I noticed that he hasn't removed the wedding ring yet. He was fiddling with it, abstracted.

We exchanged glances at last. I could read such a great sorrow in them, that I shivered and lowered my shoulders. Dave's emotions crushed me. It seemed like I got a hit, invisible, but very strong.

But there was no anger inside of his eyes, only pain. It was my fault. I blushed. David had real feelings for me. He has never considered our marriage as childishness like Charlie and Renee thought. Came from a simple family, Dave wanted to have a simple life I couldn't give to him. Only now he might have seen how much I lied. We were looking at the same picture, but saw different things.

I broke David's heart. He deserved someone better than me.

I pushed part of my papers into my bag and hurried to the door. Dave's look still troubled me, making feel uncomfortable. My hands started to shake. A late reaction to stress. It was difficult to see me crying. Not now, when I was grown up.

David was watching me while I was putting the coat on. He kept the distance from me. My presence must have been uncomfortable for Dave now. Luckily, it was easy to solve this problem.

'I wish you good luck', I pronounced instead of saying good bye.

David continued staring at me, trying to find something inside of my eyes. In the end, he gave up and nodded. It was over.

I returned to the car, relieved. It would be great to leave the city as fast as possible. I pulled into the main road and put on speed, thinking of Dave and our awkward parting. I felt sorry for all what had happened. I should have been gentle, try to tone down the situation, but it got only worse now.

 _A clean break_ , I remembered.

The papers reminded me something else. Another document I had hidden inside of my old books. My search of the Cullen family was unsuccessful, but I managed to find something in the end. I remembered Edward's stories about his human past and made an enquiry to Chicago archive about Edward Masen. To be frank, I was unaware to get anything, but I was lucky.

1918 was a difficult year. People were dying everyday at that time. Hospital stuff had no time to fill in death certificates, but the doctors kept leaving notes in hospital journals. According to the document I got, 82 people died in Chicago on September 9, 1918. Edward Antony Masen, aged 17, was among them. The Spanish flu was mentioned as a cause of death. Information was written in a neat handwriting. I could bet it had been made by Carlisle himself. That document was the only proof that Edward was real.

I could see the irony of fate. It doesn't matter what life you live. All information about you will turn into short facts rotting in archives. There isn't too much space for us in this world. We are only few words in a big book of life.

I was curious, what's gonna be written about me?

I kept driving, watching the road absent-mindedly. It was getting dark. Driving closer to Forks, I started to freeze. The air smelled of frost. I had to turn the heater up trying to warm my hands.

Then something strange happened. It looked like it has been raining previously on this part of the road. The water turned into the ice that covered the asphalt. One of the oncoming vehicles started to skid. The driver lost control of the car, and it appeared at my part of the road.

Headlights blinded me. I didn't expect that. I always described myself as trouble-maker, but I was wrong. I was careful, just like Charlie had asked.

It was unfair! I must have pulled the wheel, trying to avoid the collision. Was I scared? I don't remember. The last thing I remembered was the driver of that car, his frightened eyes and a strident screech.

I felt a sudden relief. The story was repeating again. Fate finally caught me. Edward saved my life, preventing the car accident, and now I was going to die in another one.

I saw the line that was ending my life.

My memories were finishing on that. It looked as if I have been watching the movie, but the tape finished, and I was sitting alone, examining empty screen. It was only a mist in front of my eyes. I didn't know what had happened to me. I couldn't hear nor my breathing or my heartbeat. Did I die? It was possible.

Every thought was heavy. How did death look like? I strained all my feelings, trying to understand that. I was curious to know the answer.

I lost in thought for a while. Then I decided: death was cold. I could feel only cold, nothing more. Death was also silent. The stories about the bright tunnel turned out to be just fairytales. There was no light. The cold was the only idea I could think about.

Then something changed. I've finally heard some noise, but it was too muffled to recognize it. Everything was still hidden under a haze, but the cold didn't scare me anymore. It seemed like it almost vanished, remaining in someone's touch. Yeah, somebody must have been holding my hand, paying my attention. I listened again. Now I could hear my breathing, and the voice, pleasant and familiar to me. But who was that?

The head was heavy as lead. I was drowning but trying to come to the surface.

I have definitely heard someone's voice. Somebody was calling my name, but the sound was heard as if through the inch of water. I had to use my memory again. What could that sound mean? Flowers? Ringing? No, not like that. I thought that the voice sounded deep, melodious and comforting. Just like old actors' speech. Like a tinkling of bells, like something magical I had already forgotten.

Everything fell into place when Carlisle, still invisible to me, squeezed my hand again, burning it by his cold.

'It's all right, Bella', the words sounded like music. 'Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.'


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5. The awakening

I almost reached home, when a sudden noise made me stop. I didn't know what I heard first – Alice's thoughts or the sound of her running - but sister's mental voice filled my head.

 _'Edward!'_

She was running as fast as she could. My sister was still far away, but I noticed leaves rustling under her feets. Alice was nervous; her thoughts displayed emotions, not any specific moment. I frowned. I didn't like it at all.

Alice came into sight, appearing out of trees. Her pale face was standing out against dark night.

'You need to see this', she murmured.

Carlisle's future became clearer. At first the vision shown the things we had already known. The colleague was asking our father for help. Now I could see Carlisle showing agreement. The doctors were leaving the airport together.

The vision changed. Dad was in a hospital corridor, standing beside the gurney and examining his new patient. Carlisle was squeezing his hand, trying to pay attention. That gesture, so simple and human-like, confused me. I looked hard, trying to view the injured person.

And then I saw _the eyes_. Dark brown, fathomless, full of secrets. I saw that eyes before and continued noticing them in my memories.

I froze and stopped breathing. It was Bella Swan, broken, but still alive.

If my heart could beat – it would stop.

'It's impossible…'

I thought I had lost the ability to feel in such a strong, human way. I was wrong. My body was filled with pain. That pain was stronger than my sadness, brighter that my melancholy. It was living, sharp, powerful. I had no idea how to fight against it.

Jasper caught up with Alice finally. Esme was running few steps behind him. Both looked surprised and confused, and stared at Alice with unconcealed anxiety.

'What happened?' Jasper asked, trying to catch her eyes. His voice sounded cross. It seemed like Alice run away to me soon after watching the vision. She hurried and didn't explain anything to Jasper and Esme.

Alice was still looking at me. I saw my reflection inside of her head. I turned into a statue, pale and motionless.

'I know why Carlisle stays in Seattle', she explained. 'It's because of Bella. She is the patient he is going to treat.'

Her voice broke. Alice looked as if she was going to cry. Of course, it's impossible. Vampires can't allow themselves crying. It's a luxury for such monsters like us.

Esme's eyes dilated with terror. Mom looked at me. I read sorrow, grief and sincere, killing pity inside of her thoughts. I looked away, trying to hide from her compassion.

Luckily, Jasper didn't care about me at all. He continued staring at Alice. She was the only one person who lived in his world.

There came a time to decide what to do. I promised to leave Bella. Forever. I promised to vanish and let her live a normal human life she always deserved to have. I promised. Promised. I shouldn't visit Bella, whatever happens.

But she was dying… and I was dying too. I got it now. That's why that pain was so strong. It had the same power like the pain from my transformation, when something human was still inside of me. Bella's figure in the vision was broken, but her eyes still had life. I clenched my fists so hard that heard a loud crack. I couldn't allow her suffering. I must do everything trying to help Bella, even if she didn't want me anymore.

I promised. I must help. Promised… but I love her, and I can't change it.

A sudden idea came to my mind. What if I could prevent the accident?

It revived me. I turned around, preparing for running. I didn't think what I was doing; the main aim was to run as fast as could. Yeah, I could save Bella's life. Again. The journey wouldn't be long. Everything's gonna be okay, I will find her. I can always trace Bella by smell, so…

'Edward, no!' Alice cried out.

The vision was shaping inside of her head, but I didn't care. It didn't matter what she was going to see. If I stay, I'll lose precious time.

I run ahead, passing by my family members, when something made me stop. Someone made me stop. I frowned. It was Jasper. I was very fast, but my brother was very strong, stronger that he seemed. The participation in old battles gave Jasper experience I have never had. He caught me on the fly.

It made me angry.

'Let me go.'

He shook his head.

'You can't leave like this', the anxiety in his voice disappeared. Jasper's voice became rough, almost threatening. A moment – and he would use his talent, creating the necessary emotional perfume.

Our confrontation was interrupted by Alice's sigh. Distracted, I decided to see what she saw. Jasper breathed freely and took his hand off.

My confidence created a new future. I was standing on the part of the road where Bella had got into accident. I managed to trace her by using old memories, bit it was too late. I was alone on the road, looking into the distance, trying to see the ambulance.

'You'll be late', Alice said. 'It won't work. The accident had already happened. Jasper's right, Edward. We need to discuss everything.'

I still felt pain. I was lost. The vision was clear, but couldn't believe it. I didn't want believe in the future where Bella could die in the hospital.

Jasper stayed cold, Alice was avoiding looking at me. What's wrong with them? Did they understand what just has happened? I shook my head. I always considered Alice as my ally, and now sister seemed to betray me.

At that moment Esme touched my hand. I glanced at her. Perhaps, Esme was the only one person who would take my side whatever happened.

'I can't stay here', I said. 'I can't.'

'I know', she whispered. 'But you can't save Bella from pain.'

I squeezed her hand.

'What should I do, then?'

I turned into the child who needed her support. Esme played the role of my mother for a very long time.

'We need to discuss everything', Jasper insisted. 'You have no right to hurry. We all should be careful, remember?'

'Let's go inside', said Esme in a mild tone, just like talking to me only. She was still squeezing my hand. 'It won't take too much time', she persuaded.

'She's with Carlisle', added Alice. 'He won't let Bella die'.

I had no choice. I nodded and let Esme lead me to the house. We were making our way to the dining room, the place we used for counseling. Mom sat at the head of the table, taking Carlisle's place. I took a seat on the right side from her, Alice sat opposite me, Jasper – near her.

I turned away, unwilling to meet her glance. She started feeling uncomfortable, finally. I wanted her to feel guilty. Alice deserved it.

'Well,' Esme was trying to find the right words, 'the situation is quite… complicated. And very sad! I'm sorry, Edward. I hope, everything's gonna be alright.'

True pain was reflecting from Esme's heart. It softened me a bit.

'Will Bella survive?' Jasper asked in a businesslike manner, crossing arms on his chest. His tone made me angry. It looked like my brother was asking about weather forecast.

Alice shrugged her shoulders, making me even angrier. Why she can't see the fixed future when it's so needed?

'I don't know. Bella's future is too hazy. Her wounds must be very serious.'

'Carlisle will take care of her, darling', Esme continued to calm me down. 'He's the best doctor she could ever get.'

'I need to go to Seattle', I insisted. I had no idea how to help Bella, but I couldn't stay here and do nothing.

Jasper was displeased.

'It's too suspicious', he said, shaking his head again. 'We can get into trouble because Carlisle's stay in Seattle only. What happens when you come here too? People'll notice everything.'

'The hospital stuff have another problems to solve now', Alice interrupted him coarsely. She must have remembered she loved Bella too.

'It's too risky'.

 _Swan always brings troubles_ , Jasper thought.

I looked at him.

'It's not her fault. She hasn't done anything', I muttered.

'We're still vulnerable because of her', Jasper protested.

'What do you suggest, then?'

'Nothing yet', brother answered. 'We still don't know what future brings.'

And then I read all he was going to say.

 _She can possibly die_ , Jasper thought. _And we won't have to solve anything._

I banged my fist down on the table. There were deep cracks appearing on the table top. Esme sighed. She will have to find something new for the dining room when the council ends.

'Don't make him angry, Jasper. He suffers', Alice warned.

'But we all can suffer too!'

'I love her. Remember that'.

Alice's tone was cold. Only now my stepbrother realized he enraged her too. He moved his hand to her side trying to touch Alice's palm, but she moved it away quickly. Alice turned away, closing from him. Jasper sighed, defeated.

Esme continued the conversation.

'The decision is made. Edward'll go to Seattle.' She paused a little. 'Moreover, Carlisle may need his ability to read minds.'

'It's not the best choice to go on foot. We must look like humans in the eyes of people who surround us', Jasper said.

I was hesitating. Alice frowned. My future changed again. I saw myself driving the car. I screwed my face. That variant didn't sound good. I wanted to object to it, but sister managed to outrun me.

'It's the best choice you can make. You can reach Seattle in three hours, plus the time you have to spend on the board.'

'I can charter a private jet', I said. I could reach Seattle much faster. Thirty minutes, one hour the most – and the problem is solved.

'You can hardly persuade anyone charter you a jet at this late hour. Take Carlisle's car. It's fast.'

'What are you going to say people?' asked Jasper. He calmed down, at least, temporarily. 'You can't appear at the hospital without any reason.'

'I can say Carlisle phoned me and asked to bring him some clothes'.

It wasn't difficult for me to create the right story. People will believe in anything if you're quite persuasive. And I knew how be convincing.

Everyone was quiet for a while, trying to find the flaw in the plan.

'It's still looks unreliable', Jasper said finally. He was calm, but still unhappy. 'If Bella is taken to the hospital, you'll have to meet her family members. What's you gonna do, then? You don't look like 25 years old.'

'Carlisle doesn't look his age either', Alice grimaced. She worried about it too, but had no desire to pronounce it aloud.

'Everyone'll be too busy to notice the stuff like that', Esme repeated. 'I don't think you'll meet too many people from Forks.'

'Charlie will be there, I'm sure about that,' said Alice confidently after some pause. 'He is quite suspicious, but he won't do anything. Charlie loves Bella too much. His world will be ruined without her.'

My world was going to ruin too. Just like Bella's life, my life changed its course in a second, and it was hard to deal with these changes. It looked like I awakened from a long dream and was looking around without understanding what's going on.

Esme got up.

'I need to pack up a suitcase.'

'I can help', said Alice. She was distracted, trying to see new visions.

Perhaps, she left the room on purpose, I realized later. My sister wanted to give me and Jasper a chance for reconciliation. I didn't want to solve this problem right now. Instead of this I rose and went downstairs, to the garage.

 _I'm sorry, Edward_ , Jasper's thought followed me. _You must understand me. I have something to loose._

 _Me too_ , I thought back.

Alice walked down the stairs two minutes later. She was carrying two large suitcases. Esme packed up things not only for Carlisle, but for me too.

'Where's Esme?' I asked, putting suitcases in the truck.

'She's scolding Jasper. In her opinion, he was too rude to you.'

I smiled. Jasper deserved it.

'You're angry with me too', Alice added.

'It's not so difficult to predict it, right?' I asked sarcastically.

Alice sighed.

'It's not so easy, Edward. You can't just come back to Bella and pretend that nothing happened. What if she doesn't want to see you anymore? Seven years has passed. It's a long time for a human.'

I felt a sudden pain somewhere in my chest, where my soul should be. But I didn't have it. At least, that's how I used to think about my soul.

'I don't know, Alice', I was too shocked to think about it. 'But I feel I need to be there. That's all what I know.'

After some hesitation, Alice hastened to hug me. She was so importunate sometimes. I sighed, but hugged her back. I was ready to forgive her.

'I worry about Bella too, remember that', she murmured. 'And I'll keep watching.'

'I know'.

'Jasper won't be satisfied with this'.

'I got it too.'

It meant the only one thing. Carlisle and I won't stay in Seattle alone for too long.

I released myself from Alice's embrace and got into the car. I turned the key. The engine roared to life immediately. Alice waved goodbye.

I picked up speed. A road along the coast was waiting for me.

I looked throw the window, examining everything with a forgotten surprise. I woke up, finally, woke up from a very long dream, and was ready to explore this new changed world.

* * *

 **Dear readers! I'd like to thank you all for reading this story and writing reviews. Unfortunately, I can't answer to guest reviews directly, so I'm leaving my thanks here, and everyone'll be able to read it. Thank you all for your time!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Medical Center

Bright city lights were shining in the darkness, inviting to drive closer. _Seattle._ The city of grunge and heaven for coffee lovers. Homeland of business companies famous around the globe. The city surrounded by mountains and wonderful parks which always stay green. You can find it out even if you've never been here.

I remembered something else now. There were numerous hospitals and medical centers located in Seattle, and I hoped they would be as good as they promised to be.

Driving closer to the city, I realized that I had no idea where to go next. I phoned Carlisle four times, but he didn't pick up. To be frank, I wasn't very upset about that. It would be better for Carlisle to keep saving Bella's life, then speaking to me.

When I decided to find the way by my own, Alice assisted me. Relieved, I answered the phone after the first call. It was great we had reconciled with each other before I left.

'I'm within the city limits,' I muttered.

'I know', Alice's voice was empty. 'I saw your confusion. Drive to First Hill, to the public hospital. They've got the best trauma center. I'm not quite sure, but Bella must be there.'

I hesitated. On the one hand, I was eager to ask million questions. Do we still have time? Is Bella alive? What visions is Alice seeing? On the other hand, I was afraid to hear bad news.

Alice guessed why I was hesitating. We both were freaks, and learned to understand each other without any word.

'Don't worry, Edward. Seattle is a good city for Bella. Everything will be alright. Moreover, Carlisle stays with her. You shouldn't worry about it so much.'

'This uncertainty drives me crazy', I confessed. I got out of the habit being so busy.

'I know. You have to pull yourself together. Your future is very complicated.'

It wasn't too difficult to find the right hospital. The medical center tuned out to be a huge building that was impossible to miss. I parked my car and went in the direction of the main entry, inhaling fresh air and trying to notice familiar smells. I worried so much that forgot how dangerous it could be. I haven't felt Bella's scent for a very long time. An anxious thought crushed me. What if I loose control when I smell it?

I shook my head. I can't focus on that. Alice said everything would be okay. She would see something bad, right? Of course, I was lying to myself. But what else could I do?

I reached the hall and looked around. Visitors went directly to the reception desk, trying to get information about their beloved. That variant didn't work for me. I kept standing near the entry, catching smells. Nothing. I sighed. There was an ambulance entrance from another side of the building. Bella must have been transported to the center through those doors. Dad's scent was absent too.

There came a time to listen. I made a deep breath and relaxed, letting different voices enter into my head. A range of bright images and emotions surrounded me, replacing each other.

 _His condition is very bad! Pulse is thready…_

 _I hope it's just a sprain…_

… _Why does it hurt so much?!_

 _God, help me, I can't tell his parents this news…_

Thoughts were playing inside of my head, so colorful and loud. I was forced to feel human emotions, emphasize with people who stuck here, suffering from pain; I became a part of their stories. I could feel all what they felt. I could see all what they saw. I could read sorrow, and fear, and pain inside of every head. My visions were so clear that even death seemed to be visible to be.

Too many emotions! I concentrated again, filtering unnecessary feelings. My compassion didn't last for too long. A quiet roar came out of my mouth. Nothing worked! Too many people were here, distracting me from my aim. I was angry.

I noticed elevator's doors behind the reception desk. Good news, finally. I could move from one floor to another, trying to catch father's thoughts. The idea wasn't perfect, but it could help me shorten thought acceptance radius. I was able to catch short waves only.

I rushed to that side without paying attention to other visitors. Distracted, I haven't noticed when someone called me.

'Excuse me!' somebody cried. 'Where are you going?'

The sound came from the reception desk. A nurse, the woman with bright ginger hair, was staring at me. Weird, but she managed to notice me somehow. I moved too fast for a normal human, but the nurse wasn't afraid of calling me. Enjoying my grief, I must have missed something. Humans seemed changed a lot in these seven years when I was too sad to notice anything.

I had to come back and come closer to the nurse, moving in a slow turtle-like speed. Jasper's unhappy face emerged inside of my head. I must remember about the established rules we have to follow. Look normal, look normal…

'I'm sorry', I said in a mild tone, getting closer to the reception desk. I stood very close to the nurse and heard her heartbeat which was so loud that it was rebounding inside of my head.

'I wasn't going to break any rules. But my father is here, he's a doctor, and…'

 _Oh, another one!_ the nurse suddenly thought. She was examining me with an open mouth. Her heartbeat, calm before, quickened. Her cheeks blushed crimson. The woman smoothed her shirt.

Humans haven't change. The good impression of them was wrong, I was quite sure of that now. Humans continued being our meal. Too naive. Too simple. Too predictable.

But they were still useful. I noticed a flash Carlisle's image inside of nurse's head. She saw him while leaving the reception desk. The memory was short like a spark and didn't give me too much to see. The woman noticed a beautiful doctor who was following the gurney. _He looks like a movie star!_ she thought, watching him. The nurse didn't care about his patient at all.

'You must be searching for… for…' she was stammering.

 _Oh, he's gorgeous!_

I sighed, irritated by her thoughts.

'Dr. Cullen', I answered, wishing to finish the conversation as fast as possible. 'I'm his son. He phoned me some time ago and asked to come here.'

I wasn't sure that the nurse has heard anything. She was too distracted.

 _Can anyone be so handsome? No one will believe me! And he is so young!_

I sighed again and grimaced hoping it would add some severity to my face. It seemed working. Suddenly disappointed, the nurse shut her mouth and looked down.

'Yes', she finally answered, pulling herself together. 'Few our doctors are absent now. Your father must have volunteered to replace them.'

'Do you know what happened?' I asked, calming down. I needed to remind myself that conversations with humans have never been simple. 'I don't really know what's going on…'

The woman shook her head.

'I'm sorry. That's all what I know', she answered, blushing again.

 _Behave yourself!_ The nurse thought, realizing she had said too much. _Stop behaving like a teenage girl!_

'But you can wait for your father, if you want', she added. 'We've got a very comfortable waiting room'.

I wasn't listening. Frowning, I continued searching for Dad's mental voice. I was lucky this time, recognizing father's thoughts among the diversity of loud and clear voices. Carlisle was in the other side of the building, in Emergency room. His thoughts stayed calm – Dad was thinking about his job only. Carlisle was almost enjoying it.

I hoped I could count it as a good sign.

What should I do? I stared at the nurse, considering what to do next. She blushed again and hid her eyes, considering my glance in a different way.

 _Too handsome…_

I could get closer to the ER. But what's next? I remembered about Bella's scent again. What if I won't be able to resist that sin?

I had no choice.

'I'll stay in the waiting room. Thank you for your help.'

'You're welcome. Do you know where to go?'

I nodded. I've already seen the right path in humans' thoughts.

Waiting seemed to be endless. I was afraid to look into Carlisle's head, I felt like I was interfering in his work. I just checked that Bella was still alive, and blocked father's thoughts. That's all what I could do. Dad will help her. He's the best.

Alice's vision appeared to be too swift. I came to Seattle prior Bella's family members. There was no one among Forks citizens in the waiting room when I went there. I was wearing a hoodie and covered my face, using it as my shield from others. Minutes passed while I was pretending to examine the opposite wall.

Time almost stopped before the door opened, and Carlisle went it. Dark circles under Dad's eyes were noticeable on his pale face. In spite of this, his gait was easy, almost flying. That nurse was right. Carlisle was dizzily good-looking.

Dad wasn't surprised to notice me here, but he was a bit confused after examining the waiting room and realizing that no one else has reached the hospital yet.

' _You outran everyone_ , he thought, almost laughing. Carlisle was able to see irony everywhere.

I got up and came closer to father, trying to keep human speed.

'I came here, just like you've asked', I pronounced loudly, in the case if someone was listening. We were too noticeable here, in the waiting room, where everyone could fix his eyes on us.

 _I got it_ , answered Carlisle in his mind. He showed me a smile.

'Follow me', he said aloud, playing the game. Somebody still casted a glance in our direction.

 _Two gods in one room_ , someone thought. I nearly chuckled. I wasn't sure we deserved such kind of comparison. We were on side of the demons.

Carlisle was leading me along the corridors. He used to work here when we lived in Seattle, but it was years ago. In spite of that, Dad remembered the place with vampire accuracy. He kept walking without any stop until we appeared at an empty corridor.

 _It's safe here_.

We stood, leaning against the wall.

'How's she?' I asked.

'Much better. She needs some rest now.'

I saw confidence in Carlisle's thoughts. It gladdened me.

'What happened to Bella?'

I felt blame. What if I was responsible for Bella's pain? I didn't prevent the accident. That thought has been haunting me since the moment when Alice saw the vision.

'She got into car accident not far from Forks', said Carlisle telling me all what he knew. 'When she was found, it was decided to drive her to Seattle. Forks Hospital is too small; Seattle was a perfect variant. Doctors must have thought about transporting Bella by helicopter, but the weather was too unstable. Luckily, the staff worked on a very high level. Thanks to them, Bella's alive now.'

He didn't mention his part of work at all.

'Do you think she will recover?'

Carlisle shrugged.

'Bella's got numerous injuries, quite typical for the car accident. Brain concussion, broken ribs, clavicle fracture. Her leg is broken again…'

It was impossible to explain everything, so Dad showed me the moment of their meeting. I sighed with gratitude. I needed to know what had happened.

The memory started from the moment when father arrived at the hospital.

'It's great you decided to help us', said Carlisle's colleague without hiding his joy. 'Few important specialists are absent today. We thought there was nothing to worry about, but… Life likes changing our plans, you know.'

They were hurrying, moving fast along the corridor.

'It's all right, Robert', answered father in a mild calm voice. I've noticed he'd already changed his clothes. 'I understand. You can't predict such kind of things.'

He laughed at this joke inside of his head. Alice was the real gift…

They were in a long narrow corridor I had seen in Alice's visions. Carlisle noticed few ambulance doctors working with a patient. Dad hurried to their side. He took new air in, examining different scents. Carlisle was able to find out the problem by smell only; it became a very useful skill.

 _What a familiar smell_ , he thought, troubled. Understanding came to his mind. Carlisle frowned. It can't be…

He stepped closer, noticing the patient.

'A young woman, 25 years old', said the resuscitation specialist from his right. 'The car accident. Huge blood loss…'

Father looked at the broken figure. Bella's face was covered with coagulated blood, her long dark hair flowing. Small fragments of broken glass were inside of them, glittering on the bright artificial light.

He recognized her, of course. By smell, first of all. It's quite problematic to recognize anyone when he looked so bad.

'Bella…' he murmured. Nobody asked how Carlisle could know the patient's name.

'She's unconscious. She might have got an intracranial injury,' said someone from the left.

Carlisle squeezed Bella's hand and looked hard. He noticed much more that any doctor could see. A familiar image flashed inside his head. Another event, another memory, very old one, but still very clear. Carlisle recalled dying Esme.

'Bella', Dad stooped, getting closer to the girl's face. 'Bella!'

One of the doctors shook his head.

'She can't hear you', he said skeptically.

'She will', answered father. There was no offence heard in his tone. He knew what he was doing. Dad had already seen something like that. Esme managed to hear his voice when she was dying from horrible wounds she had got. Mom could hear him even through the veil of death. Carlisle knew he was right.

'Bella! Bella! Can you hear me?' he repeated.

Her eyes opened. Alice's vision became true.

'It's all right, Bella. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay,' answered Carlisle without hiding his smile. It was a good sign, in his opinion.

Bella nodded slightly.

I breathed out, relieved.

'Will she recover?'

'Everything's complicated', father wasn't going to lie to me. 'Bella's very strong, but her injuries will bring a lot of trouble. Moreover…'

Dad didn't say it aloud, but I've read all he wanted to say.

 _Moreover, there's a risk that the brain trauma is more complicated that it looks like_.

'In short, the battle is not over,' he finished after a pause.

I nodded. Bella was alive, but she was still fighting. I wish I could take all her pain away...

'Can I stay with her?' I asked.

Dad shook his head. He was a doctor, not my father now.

'No. All what I can allow you is to see her. I asked the staff to give Bella a special room, a remote one. Let's go…'

We ran along the corridor.

 _Remember, you need to be careful_ , Carlisle thought. _Her smell is weaker now, but the effect is going to be the same. Be careful,_ he warned me and blocked his thoughts.

That silence looked a bit strange. I had an impression that he was hiding something, something he didn't want me to see. I was surprised, but didn't say anything. We'll have time to discuss it later. Nobody was able to keep secrets from me. Nobody, except for Bella.

All what mattered now was to see her face.

We appeared at the crowded place and forced to slow down. I caught Bella's easy smell and moved as confident as Dad. Few minutes later we stopped in front of Bella's room. We haven't met anyone here yet. The corridor was empty.

Carlisle stepped closer and touched my shoulder.

'You've got five minutes. The nurse will be here quite soon. You shouldn't be noticed here, at least, now. I'll wait for you downstairs.'

I nodded. Dad left, still hiding his thoughts from me. Only later I realized he did it on purpose. I needed some privacy, and Carlisle gave it to me, letting me have rest from his thoughts.

I noticed a fragile figure surrounded by numerous tubes. Bella seemed to be small, almost invisible. I looked harder, examining her. Someone cleaned Bella's face from blood; cuts were standing out on her pale skin. The glass was taken out from her hair. Bella's breath was deep, her eyes closed. I listened carefully and counted her pulse. Bella's heart was still strong, beating confidently and loudly. It sounded great, almost like music. I enjoyed listening to that melody.

'Don't leave me, Bella', I whispered. She didn't hear me, of course, but at that moment I wished I could be heard. I touched the glass that separated me from her, touched it carefully, just like I was touching Bella's fragile skin.

'I'll do everything, I'll do all what you want, but, please, don't give up. Keep fighting for your life. You promised to fight…'

My voice broke. I continued staying near the room, examining Bella's face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 Reactions**

Five minutes were long. I was standing in front of the glass, far from Bella, but could examine her face in detail. She was sleeping, while I was trying to see her dreams.

Bella has changed. The young blushing girl was gone, giving way to a stranger I didn't know. Her face changed its features. First wrinkles appeared on Bella's forehead and under her eyes, forming thin short lines. They weren't visible for humans yet, but I could bet I haven't seen them before. Bella grew up. She lost some roundness, typical for teenagers; her features became sharper. She looked tired, but I hoped it was the result of recent stress.

On the other hand, Bella looked the same. Her skin was as fragile and pale as it has always been. And her smell – it still haunted me, teasing me, touching my throat. But my internal monster didn't have chances to win. Bella's scent didn't bother me anymore. She was here, and she was alive – what else could I ask? Last seven years turned into nothing. How could I think I made everything right by staying away from her?

Five minutes were short. I was disappointed to hear the nurse's thoughts. Time to leave. I wished I could stop time, or repeat these five minutes again; I didn't want to go.

I vanished before the nurse stepped into the corridor. When she went in, it was empty, and only fingerprints on the glass proved that I had been there.

I noticed a familiar voice near the hall. Not exactly the voice. Plenty of mental images and emotions, silent, very difficult to catch.

Charlie Swan, lost and scared, reached the reception desk.

'I've got a call that my daughter is here. Her name is Isabella Swan, aged 25…'

I saw his reflection in the nurse's thoughts. He was breathing heavily, just like after running. Charlie's eyes were full of fear.

'Yes, she's here. But you need to speak with the doctor first…'

I was already in the hall, but Mr. Swan hasn't noticed me yet. He's got much older since the last time I saw him. Silver grey touched his hair.

I checked Carlisle's thoughts. He was talking to someone in the corridor, not far from us, but he hasn't examined Charlie's presence yet. I had to make the first step.

I made a deep breath.

'Hello, Mr. Swan', I said officially. 'It's nice to see you again.'

My voice sounded calm. I was surprised by that. Luckily, vampire instincts hid my anxiety.

Chief Swan frowned. Confused, he looked at me, his eyes wide open.

Charlie's process of thinking worked in a different way. I didn't hear any word inside of his head. Instead of this I saw images that pictured his condition.

Shock. Trouble. Incomprehension.

'Edward Cullen?' Charlie asked without hiding his surprise. 'Is that you?'

I came closer and nodded.

'Yes, Charlie.'

His reaction was mixed. Charlie was trying to concentrate and pull himself together, but nothing worked.

'What… what are you doing here? What's going on? I don't understand…'

It looked strange to him. Charlie examined me once, twice, combining the puzzle. It didn't help. Charlie's heart started beating fast, faster than normal. I could see him turning red. Charlie was getting closer to heart attack.

Charlie needed to see the doctor. Luckily, he was going to meet him very soon. A moment – and Carlisle stood beside me.

'Good evening, Charlie. Or, better say, good morning. Time flies.'

Charlie froze. Dad's unexpected fast appearance worsened his condition.

'Carlisle?' he said in a weak tone, giving up.

Dad held out his hand. Still shocked, Charlie shook it. He was so confused that haven't noticed how cold it was.

'Yes. Edward is here because of me', Dad decided to say as much as he could. It usually distracted humans, even as suspicious as Charlie. 'Sorry, I haven't met you here when you arrived. You must have questions about Bella's condition'.

'Are you her doctor?' Charlie asked, suddenly relieved. The shock was leaving his face, his heartbeat returning to normal. I should have predicted something like that. Charlie always liked Carlisle. The Chief was, definitely, glad to see him.

'Not exactly', answered Dad evasively. 'But I'm going to stay here for a while, at least, until Bell starts feeling better.'

'How is she? They told me she's got into accident,' said Charlie. I checked his condition again. He was okay now. Carlisle knew how to calm people down.

'Yes, that's right. The situation is quite serious…'

Charlie was listening attentively, but he didn't look very surprised while getting the information about Bella's injuries. He automatically started to recall all previous wounds that Bella had got in the past. A bright picture filled my head. And another. And another one…

I clenched my teeth. I was responsible for all of them. Carlisle glanced at me, alarmed, but didn't say anything.

'Can I see her?' asked Charlie when Dad finished.

'You may want to call somebody before I'll lead you to Bella's room', Carlisle advised. He was attentive and charming, and it worked on him. I needed to remember that. I really forgot how to deal with humans.

'Right... I forgot about that,' Charlie said. 'I promised to call Renee. And I should phone Dave,' he added, frowning. 'Perhaps, he doesn't know anything yet.'

Dave? I saw a male's image inside of Charlie's head. The Chief imagined an ordinary man, even for a human. I haven't seen him before. Who is that? Charlie's impressions colored the picture with few emotions. Distrust. Disapproval. Irritation… and easy shame that he hasn't phoned that guy earlier.

'Who is that?' I asked automatically. Carlisle became a silent witness of our conversation.

'It's Bella's husband. He lives in Seattle', Charlie explained. The shock made him give up too quickly. He calmed down, behaving like an old friend. 'Bella was coming home after visiting him today'.

A husband?

'Can you wait for me? It won't take many time,' Charlie asked, staring at Carlisle, holding the phone in his hand, ready to make a call.

'Sure, Charlie. Don't worry about it.'

I froze. A husband? I was repeating that word again and again, trying to understand it. Is it a weird joke? There came my turn to be shocked. I was so distracted that haven't noticed the fact that Charlie was asking questions to Carlisle as if he was the only grown up in the room. _A husband?!_

 _Are you all right?_ asked Dad in mind. I saw my reflection inside of his head. I looked horrible, just like after seeing a ghost.

'I don't know', I muttered, making a deep breath. A male figure stuck in my head, making me feel strange.

Alice was right. My future was going to be very, very complicated. I forgot how to breathe.

 _Pretend to be normal._ _You'll have time to find out details later,_ Carlisle warned me. _You need to be friendly with Charlie now. Without him you won't be able to see Bella._

Forced to obey, I nodded. I didn't know what to do, and only Dad could help me to deal with the problem.

* * *

I saw a wonderful dream. If it was a dream, of course. I wasn't quite sure. My dream consisted of nothingness. Emptiness. Silence. In the past, when Edward left me, I was afraid of these feelings. But I was too tired and enjoyed the state of emptiness now. I didn't have to pretend, didn't have to be normal, didn't have to spend day after day, counting time. Nothing bothered me anymore.

It felt like time has never existed. I was relaxed, happy, surrounded by dense white clouds. The light was perfect, soothing, comforting. I didn't have to think about anything. I didn't know what it was - the end or just new beginning - but it was perfect. The perfect world where all feelings lost their cost.

Soon time woke up, rushing me. I felt uncomfortable, and pain was growing out of somewhere far away. That was disappointing. It seemed like my perfect dream was coming to its end.

I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling. It didn't have that perfect white color that I had just seen. It was yellow, like sand on a beach. _Imperfect._ Welcome to the real world.

I tried to look around, but my neck was fixed, and I couldn't move it. I turned my eyes to the room and saw _him_. The most important man in my life, the person who will always love me, whatever happens.

It was my Dad, Charlie Swan, the Chief of Police, sleeping in the chair beside my bed.

'Dad?' I asked in a hoarse voice. Charlie startled and opened his eyes.

'Bella?' he asked, relieved. 'You woke up!' He moved his chair closer to my side.

'How are you feeling? How's your vision?' Dad asked in unaware tone, suddenly alarmed. 'The doctors said you've got a concussion. And I need to ask questions… just to check out… I'm not very good at this', he grimaced.

I tried to smile.

'I can see you', I answered quietly. 'You look tired'.

I noticed dark circles under Dad's eyes. His shirt was disheveled, his face full of new wrinkles. Charlie grew old in a day.

Dad rolled his eyes.

'I'm fine, Bella. It's you who needs attention now.'

Déjà vu again. It seemed like past seven years have never existed. I was a teenager again, I was wounded, and my parent was sitting on my bed, waiting for me to wake up. But it wasn't Renee this time, it was Charlie. They replaced each other.

'Where's Mom?' I asked, recalling her face in my memory. 'Did you call her?'

'I did', Charlie agreed. 'She started panicking, of course. Mom was planning to be here by the time of your awakening, but her flight was cancelled. Sorry for that.'

'It's okay', I really wasn't upset. My relationships with Mom weren't so strong now. 'I was unconscious. She had nothing to do here'.

'I said the same', answered Charlie. 'But you know Renee. She's always been too… sensitive'.

His grimace made me laugh. It was a bad idea. I felt a sharp pain right in my chest.

I examined myself carefully. My leg was broken again. My body was strangely fixed, hidden under a white blanket. And the pain in my head was returning... Probably, I shouldn't move at all, or I'll feel pain everywhere.

'And I phoned Dave too', Charlie continued. 'He seems to worry about you. Planned to stay in the hospital, but then I said I was going to stay here too... David had to change his plans'.

'He's afraid of you'.

'Well, we've never been friends', Dad said honestly. 'And he's responsible for all what has happened to you.'

I sighed.

'It's not his fault', I mumbled. I was grateful that Charlie was protecting me, but Dave deserved a better attitude. Especially, if I start to remember how much I had hurt him.

Pain was increasing. The drug action finished.

'Never mind', Charlie seemed tired of speaking about Dave. 'The most important thing now is your recovery. Carlisle says the process's gonna be very long.'

My body reached faster than mind. I stopped breathing. My fingers turned cold. I shivered and felt pain again.

'Carlisle?' I asked. It wasn't real, was it? Charlie must have mentioned the other name, or I heard something wrong.

'Yes,' Charlie was calm, just like he was talking about his old friend. It was strange. 'He volunteered being your doctor, and I'm very grateful for that. He's a great specialist. I trust him.'

I didn't know how to react on that. My lungs were empty. Blood was pulsing inside my head. It was difficult to think.

'Carlisle is here?' I echoed. It sounded stupid. But I was stupid. I was dumb. These emotions were too complicated. I forgot how to deal with them.

'Yes, they all are here, actually. Edward is eager to see you too. He asked my permission to visit you,' added Dad, flattered by such a polite attitude.

Pain won. It paralyzed me, touching every part of my body. Old blurred memory suddenly came to my mind. It was clear, clearer than it's even been. Pain colored it in crimson tone.

 _Come for a walk with me._

Yeah, time didn't change anything. I was eighteen again; that horrible moment repeated in my mind. Nothing has changed. I was grown up, but continued to be as miserable as I always was.

 _Bella, I don't want you to come with me._

I felt a smell of green forest, a smell of wet, of rain and the touch of cold night air. _New Moon._

 _Of course, I'll always love you… in a way._

The voice sounded deep, colorful, repeating over and over again in my head, driving me crazy. I wanted to scream.

 _You're not good for me, Bella._

I was suffocating. What should I do? I was shaking. I needed to stop this! I didn't want to hear that voice anymore.

 _I won't come back._

I can't breathe! Where is air?! I glanced at Charlie. He looked scared.

 _It will be as if I'd never existed._

I was going to cry, but I was so shocked that forgot how to do this. I kept staring at Charlie, hoping that he would help me. It was a panic attack, very strong one, and it paralyzed me.

'Bella? Bella?!' I realized Dad was repeating my name again and again, but I have heard him only now. 'I'm calling the nurse!'

I was in the middle of nightmare, and I didn't know how to end it.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8. Conversations

Charlie did his very best trying to make calls as fast as possible. Confident that Carlisle was waiting for him, he stepped away, beginning the conversation. He chose Bella's husband first, probably, hoping that it would take less time.

 _The husband._ I felt a strong anger, pulsing inside of me.

 _Calm down,_ Dad warned me again. _You need to be nice to Charlie. He shouldn't notice that you're upset. It'll look strange for him._

Right. I was a stranger for Bella now. How could I forget that?

'I can't!' I hissed. 'She's married! What If it's too late?'

It was childish, I know. But I was angry. I was upset. And I was jealous.

 _I know it's hard for you. You have just found her again. And here's another loss…_

Father bitterly thought that I didn't deserve to suffer so much. _Pity_. That's what I saw in Carlisle's mind. I hated this. It made me feel even worse.

 _But that's what you wanted for her, right?_ _Ordinary life_ , Dad continued. _You should wish her to be happy._

Of course, I wished Bella to become happy without me. I recalled the moment from the past, when I was sitting in Bella's room, watching her sleeping, thinking about her possible life. I imagined Bella marring a stranger, ordinary one. And it turned out to be real. My worst nightmare came true. I wished Bella happiness, but I couldn't accept it.

I sighed, realizing that the truth was bitter. Last sever years I has been thinking that Bella didn't need me anymore. The persuasion was easy. Life was much harder.

When Charlie finished making calls, father leaded him to Bella's room. I had to stay in the hall. I was just an old forgotten friend.

I felt better only when Carlisle and Charlie entered the room. Now I could watch Bella, even I wasn't there.

A new wave of shock made Charlie froze when he saw his daughter.

'Bella…' he murmured and stepped closer. Chief wanted to touch Bella's arm, but numerous tubes and bandages made him change his decision. Charlie removed his hand, feeling uncomfortable.

'You can stay here, if you want', said Carlisle, showing Charlie a chair.

Chief Swan hesitated a little. He needed to take care of Bella somehow, even If she wasn't noticing. He reminisced about her childhood days when his little daughter was spending vacations in Forks. Charlie recalled moments when he tucked Bella in, making her sleep more comfortable. He made another accurate step and repeated that half-forgotten gesture.

Only now I realized how tired Charlie was. I wasn't sure he could stay in the hospital for a long time.

Carlisle noticed that too.

 _You know what to do_ , he thought before leaving the room. Carlisle was needed in ER, and couldn't stay with Charlie any longer.

Dad helped me a lot already. There came my time to act. I needed to take care of Charlie. Not only because of Bella, but because I worried about Chief Swan too. He needed support, definitely, and I was ready to help him.

I was in cafeteria, buying coffee for Charlie, when I finally noticed Bella's husband. I recognized him by Charlie's memory. His voice was unfamiliar to me, so it was impossible to find Dave's mind among the range of different thoughts. I missed the moment when David entered the hall and asked the receptionist for help. He was on the upper floor now, in front of Bella's room.

Dave opened the door and met Charlie's eyes. Chief… wasn't very happy to see him. Charlie made David a gesture to wait in the corridor, and joined him a minute later.

I was so distracted that almost forgot to take coffee when it was ready.

'Hi, Charlie', Dave said. He was thinking about shaking hands, but gave up the idea.

'You're fast', said Charlie, frowning. He was in a bad mood.

'I lost half an hour on the road', Dave answered bitterly. I listened hard. His anxiety seemed to be real. 'How is she?'

I examined the guy through Charlie's eyes. It was an ordinary man, even for a human. Thick fair hair, weak features. Dave looked like a typical countryman, plain and simple. His thoughts supplemented his look. David was easy to read, his mind was open, almost boring. Nothing special. I was a bit surprised. What did Bella find in him? Of course, he was just a human, but…

'See for yourself', answered Charlie, pointing at the glass wall where I had stood some time ago. 'Bella's is badly injured.'

Charlie's speech was short and curt. Chief Swan had no desire to speak with the guy. In Dave's opinion, it was a bad sign; he had no chance to stay with Bella. Dave was afraid to meet Charlie's anger. Hmm. What has Dave done if Charlie was so angry with him?

'Did you call Renee?" David asked. He needed to ask something.

'Yeah,' Charlie answered unpleasantly. I saw a new picture in his mind. Charlie's former wife was panicking. Renee planned to arrive at Seattle by the first flight, but Chief wasn't sure about that. Renee was too absent-minded when she was upset. She could confuse her flight easily, and fly to Canada instead of Seattle. Charlie hoped Phil would help her.

'Do you need any help?' David suggested. He was watching Bella, thinking about staying with her in the hospital. His pure, simple care annoyed me. 'I can stay with her tonight…'

Charlie didn't like the idea too. He managed to keep a serious face, but I knew he was irritated. I chuckled. I was halfway to them; the distance was short, but I had to keep a slow human speed.

'Actually, _I_ was going to stay with Bella. I'm her immediate relative. She'll be happy to see me, when she awakes', he said.

Dave imagined some documents, but the picture was too blurred to observe it in detail.

'It can take some time. You could go to my house and get some rest,' Dave was losing the battle, but kept fighting. 'You look tired'.

His concern irritated Charlie even more.

'Well', Chief folded his arms on his chest, 'I'm older that you, David, but I'm not that old'.

He stopped talking, noticing someone's steps. It was me, smiling and carrying coffee for Charlie. David was confused. Charlie looked suddenly relieved. I certainly chose the right moment to come.

'I'm sorry for interrupting', I said, pretending to look diffident, 'but Carlisle asked me to bring you coffee, Charlie…'

Chief breathed freely.

'That's exactly what I needed! Thank you, Edward!'

Dave stood still, frowning. _What's going on?_ he thought. His alarmed face made me smile.

I passed a mug to Charlie, trying not to touch him. He accepted it with gratitude.

'I think I'm fine now', Charlie added, returning to the guy. 'It's not obligatory for you to stay here. Everything is under control.'

David sighed. Everything worked against him. Dave wished he could stay with Bella; he really worried about her, but he also had no desire to argue with Charlie.

I guessed why he behaved like this. David's mind repeated the pictures with Charlie and Bella, so close to each other. Bella was a daddy's girl. She would always take Chief's side. Dave couldn't argue with Charlie, or he'd hurt Bella too.

'All right. I'll go home, then. Will you call me when…?'

Dave didn't stare at me. Interesting. The situation repeated again. Some people noticed us, admired us, wanted to be like us. And others… I looked too young for some people, perhaps, and they started to behave like inattentive adults. They ignored me just like I have never existed.

Charlie rolled his eyes.

'I'm a cop, David. I know the rules.'

'Well, then… I'll be waiting for your call,' he added, and looked at Bella for the last time.

 _I wish I could save her from suffering_ , he thought before leaving. That thought amazed me. It sounded exactly like all what I was thinking about. That's strange. Possibly, David and I had much in common.

I gave him another examining look. Dave was physically developed. Hiss clothes and manners showed him as a good farmer. But he wasn't a farmer. He didn't smell like that. Instead if this I caught the scent of wood, but I didn't guess why. Dave was so open, but he still was a secret for me.

'Thanks God, it's over', said Charlie. He didn't hide his joy that David had left. 'I wish Renee's arrival would be so simple too.'

'Is he Bella's husband?' I asked. I wasn't supposed to know the details yet.

Charlie was quite open to speak about it.

'Sort of. They're in the process of divorce, so… I hope it's gonna be over soon,' he blurted out.

They're divorcing? I breathed easy. I wanted to smile, and to laugh, and to be happy again. I wasn't sure about God's existence, but someone certainly heard all my prays.

'You don't like him', I was trying to hide how happy I was. Unsuccessfully.

'Yeah. Neither Renee nor I liked the idea of Bella's marriage', Charlie said, frowning, recalling the scene when he had heard that news from Bella. 'Everything was so fast. And they were so young… we knew how it was going to end.'

I nodded. Charlie and Renee were too young when they met. Their marriage was unsuccessful. There was no surprise that they passed their failed experience on Bella.

That part was difficult for Charlie to remember. He decided to change the topic.

'So, how are you, then?' he asked, sipping his coffee. 'To be honest, you haven't changed at all. Physically, I mean. You look so… young'.

'I've got good genes', I said evasively.

'That's right. Carlisle looks amazing', he was impressed. 'I was so shocked when I saw you both. I was numb!' he laughed.

'Many people look young for their age. Is that strange for you?' I needed to know how much he was suspecting.

Charlie felt awkward. His suspicions were fighting with sympathy for Carlisle. He was trying to explain our strange look somehow. He liked the Doctor, liked him too much, and was justifying him. Moreover, Charlie didn't want to believe in anything strange.

'Well, strange things happen, right? There should be some explanation', Chief continued to persuade himself. 'My Bella doesn't look her age too', Chief added. He sounded proud now. 'But, probably, I'm exaggerating. She's my child.'

I nodded again.

'So, what's about you?' He continued. 'Have you married?'

'No. I'm not'. That idea sounded funny. 'I was a bit… busy.'

 _Yeah, I was too busy with thinking about your daughter all the time, Charlie._

'You went to college?' Chief guessed.

I thought that a little lie wouldn't ruin anything.

'Yeah. I have been studying for a few years. I was planning to become a doctor'.

Actually, I wasn't lying too much. I knew much more that the biggest part of the staff here. I've got few degrees in medicine.

Charlie approved my choice. Of course.

'That's great. Glad to hear that you had found yourself', he sighed. 'Unfortunately, I can't say the same about my Bella.'

Chief turned around and looked at his daughter.

'Why?'

'Well…' Charlie paused. 'Bella has changed a lot since… since she was a teenager.'

Chief Swan turned red. He remembered something, something strange, something bad, something he didn't want to recall. It made me curious. What's that?

I saw the picture of the forest. And I saw Bella, weak and empty. I saw darkness, and cold, and new moon shining in the sky.

I knew that place too. I stopped breathing. The most horrible memory repeated again inside of my head.

 _How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all?_

'She didn't go to college. Renee and I hoped she'd recover. But old Bella was lost. And that marriage... it didn't change anything,' Charlie sighed. 'That's why I'm angry with Dave so much.'

 _My world is not for you._

'Why?'

Charlie sighed again.

'When I saw Dave for the fisrt time, I knew Bella was just pretending. She's never known how to lie. But she was trying to convince herself of that, and I thought it was a good sign. I hoped David would change her. But he… appeared to be not strong enough for that. That's why I don't like him. David had a chance to make Bella happy – and he couldn't cope with it.'

 _You're not good for me, Bella._

Everything turned out to be much worse that I had expected.

Charlie stopped talking. Different images replaced each other inside of his mind. My face, Dave's face, Bella's empty face. He was angry with me too, but it was years ago, and Charlie replaced all of his anger, making David the main cause for Bella's troubles.

Charlie didn't take me seriously anymore. He had someone else to dislike.

'I think I should go back to Bella', Charlie broke silence first. 'Thank you for coffee', he added in a more official tone.

But I couldn't let Charlie leave like that.

'Do you need anything else?' I asked. 'I could bring you some food or…'

It looked like a polite question, that's all.

'No, thank you.'

I needed to be nice, but also I needed to solve another problem. I still had no right to see Bella without Charlie's permission.

'I wanted to ask you a favor…' I continued in a low pleasant voice, trying to sound naive. 'Can I see Bella when she wakes up? If she wants it, of course,' I added quickly.

Chief frowned, hesitating. He wasn't in a good mood again. But Chief was confused, and it was me who made him feel like that. It's a psychological rule that always works. People don't like to refuse. They usually feel too uncomfortable denying somebody's assistance. They feel guilty, even If they're right. Humans won't be able to refuse for the second time. I knew Charlie wouldn't accept my help, so…

'All right', he answered shortly. 'See you later.'

 _Nothing is going to be worse_ , he thought, entering Bella's room.

To be frank, I wasn't so optimistic about that.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9. Decisions

Our house was situated not far from Seattle. Hidden in the forest, it was unnoticeable for unexpected guests. Our family lived in Seattle years ago, but I could bet the house was still here. We revisited the places where we have lived. Moreover, Esme loved to restore old buildings; our houses could endure for decades.

When Carlisle's shift was over, we went home directly. It was quiet in the forest, and, to be honest, I was waiting for this silence. I needed some time to think, to digest all news, to find the answers that haven't found yet.

I soon realized that I was wrong. It wasn'tquiet here anymore. I've noticed familiar mental voices before I saw the house's porch.

Esme. Jasper. Alice. Emmet. And Rosalie, who knew I would listen to her thoughts. She was transmitting them, irritating me.

I moaned. Jasper was fast. He phoned Rosalie and Emmet when I drove away.

' _All_ of them are here', I said in a bitter voice. My hope to spend time in silence vanished into thin air.

Dad smiled.

'You should have expected something like that'.

'I hoped they' would give me a break', I answered. Carlisle laughed.

'Don't judge them. We're not humans. And patience...It's very difficult to remember this feeling'.

'This day will be endless.'

Carlisle laughed again.

'Welcome back to human life'.

Emmet waited us on the porch. He was in a very good mood. _Something funny started again_ , he thought. Brother was bursting with excitement.

'You always know how to bring fun to our life', he said, smiling.

How long have they been in Europe? I frowned, counting months. My memory was perfect; it didn't take much time for me to get the result. We saw each other about a year ago, when I returned from India to see Carlisle and Esme. My visit was short, as usual, but I knew that Emmet and Rosalie planned a vacation. I remembered them arguing while they were choosing the right place to settle. In my opinion, it was useless. Rosalie always won the battles like that.

'Yeah. I'm trying my very best', I smiled back. It was easy to joke with Emmet.

When he became a part of our family, I accepted Emmet without question. He was simple, easy-going, very predictable, but very reliable at the same time. He didn't ask too many questions. It was easy to trust him, easy to relax in his presence. I was the only child when I was a human; I was glad to have a brother now.

But I couldn't say the same about Rosalie.

'Rose is eager to see you'.

 _Moron_ , I heard in my head.

'I've noticed,' I grimaced. Emmet laughed. His laugh could scare anyone within a radius of a few miles.

The rest of the family waited for us in the living room. Esme got up from a large sofa and rushed to Carlisle. The mixture of joy and happiness filled Mom's head. She was glad that Dad came home at last.

Esme touched the dark circles under Carlisle's eyes. She wished he would hunt. His suffering made her suffer too. Dad looked at Esme in disbelief, almost ordinary for him. I shook my head. Decades have passed, but Carlisle still couldn't convince himself of his happiness.

Alice kept watching the future. I caught the latest vision immediately. Sister saw the moment of Bella's awakening. That was good. I wished all news would be so positive.

I couldn't hide a smile.

 _Idiot_ , I heard again.

'I missed you too', I addressed my words to Rosalie. Sister was sitting it the large leather armchair, her back straightened up, the sun glittering on her skin.

I knew her behavior was a part of a plan. The plan I had guessed already. Rosalie wasn't so stable. She was furious.

I smiled. Rosalie had to remember about patience too.

She turned to me.

'I didn't expected you to be so stupid', she said. _She's married_!

Rosalie has already known the latest news. Of course. I glanced at Alice. Did she betray me again?

Alice met my eyes.

'I had to tell them', she said apologetically. Her voice sounded tired. Jasper sat beside Alice, squeezing her hand. I stared at him, trying to find something important inside of his mind. Jasper was a bit ashamed for making that call to Emmet and Rosalie. And he was hesitating. Jasper worried about Alice, but he was also waiting for new visions. Only possible future – good or bad – could make him act.

'Let's go to the dining room', said Carlisle. 'We have a lot to discuss.'

Esme came closer and hugged me.

'I told you everything's gonna be alright', she murmured quietly, only for me. I hugged her back, smiling. I was almost happy.

I preferred to sit closer to Carlisle and Mom, trying to avoid my quarrel with Rosalie… that was about to begin right now.

 _What are you doing? She's married!_ Sister cried again in her mind. Rosalie still played the role of a good daughter, hiding all fury inside of her mind. I hid a smile. I knew Carlisle had already noticed everything.

'Calm down. She's divorcing. And I don't break any rules,' I answered aloud. Emmet stopped smiling and glanced at me, then at Rosalie. He frowned, realizing that he had missed something. Emmet hated when we did that.

'It doesn't matter!' sister shouted. She lost her patience finally. Rose tossed her long blond hair.

'Bella's living her own life! She doesn't need you anymore while you're behaving like a child who has lost his toy!' Rosalie spit out words, disgusted. 'It's stupid, Edward! Grow up!'

She definitely wanted to make me angry. Okay.

'We all have the past. And we all make mistakes,' I answered, losing my temper too. 'Remind me… weren't you going to marry the guy who raped you with his drunk friends? You thought you were making the right choice before it happened.'

The fury was boiling inside of Rosalie's veins.

'We didn't speak about that!'

I made a naive look, irritating Rose even more.

'Oh, I just thought we spoke about our mistakes. It's a kind of game. I'm quite sure that you have big chances to win'.

Rosalie snarled.

'Enough. Calm down', said Mom, interrupting us.

Her voice was trembling, and I finally realized who made her feel like that. It was me. I reminded Esme about her past. Mom was almost crying, recalling her husband. First husband. Dead husband. I killed him many years ago. I sighed.

I was sorry about the words I had said.

Rosalie folded arms on her chest, breathing heavily.

'It was rude', said Emmet, blaming me. 'You shouldn't have said that.'

'She started it first', I answered. I worried about Mom, not Rosalie. She shouldn't have made me angry.

'I didn't say anything!' Sister had no desire to admit her fault.

I rolled my eyes. Was she serious?

'Stop it', said Carlisle now. His voice was calm, but sounded louder than Esme's warning. Everybody focused attention on him. We all turned into children.

'I don't want to hear any arguing until the end of the conversation', he said, examining the table top. 'Moreover, we have a lot of questions to discuss'.

'I'm glad that Bella's alive', said Esme, holding Dad's hand. 'She's so lucky to have you'.

Mom was so proud of Carlisle.

'We need to discuss it too', Rosalie interfered suddenly.

I frowned. Discuss what? The fact that Carlisle saved Bella's life? I read her mind.

 _Maybe, it's time to finish her off,_ I read. _It's time to end this story._

I clenched my fists.

'No!' I cried aloud. Emmet sighed again.

'The story is repeating, Edward. The girl endangers our lives, and you're incapable of solving the problem. Again!'

Everyone sighed, realizing what Rosalie meant. Alice gave sister a disapproval look.

'You won't kill her', I said, pronouncing every letter. 'I will not let you'.

Rosalie continued talking to me as if I was a little child, and she needed to explain something stupid to me.

'This is a unique chance. Bella's so weak. No one can guarantee her recovery. It's a perfect opportunity…'

'Bela'll start recovering soon. I can see that', said Alice. She was confident. And she was on my side, of course. Jasper frowned. He must regret making that phone call.

Rosalie shook her head. Her perfect hair waved.

'It's an ideal time to kill Bella. When do we have another chance to do it?' Rose looked at Dad, persuading him to listen to her. In her opinion, it was impossible to argue with me.

'I won't let anyone hurt her!' I repeated.

'It's not only your own business, Edward', answered Rosalie. 'We all are involved in the problem.'

She probably hoped that Jasper would take her side. I had to look into brother's thoughts again. He was distracted, examining Alice's face. Jasper still had no desire to interfere in the conversation. Not now, when the future was so misty. Jasper intended to kill Bella in the past. He wouldn't plan it now... I hoped.

'We have no right to make this decision', Carlisle answered. 'Bella's life is precious. You should remember about it, honey'.

Rosalie clenched her teeth. Dad mentioned Rosalie's weak point. Interesting. What if Rosalie was just jealous, not angry? She wished she had that choice too.

'Moreover, there was another variant to… help everyone,' added father in s strange tone. He looked away, ashamed to show his thoughts.

Alice sighed. I read the vision that pictured the course of Carlisle's thoughts. She must have seen it when I was driving to Seattle.

I could see Carlisle, desperate and disappointed, surrounded by colleagues in ER. He was staring at Bella. Carlisle wasn't sure he could save her.

The vision shifted. Dad and Bella were alone in the room. Bella's face was pale as a ghost. Was she dead? She seemed to be. Carlisle squeezed her hand and leaned down, as if to whisper something in her ear. I froze. I knew what it was going to be…

'Did you plan to turn Bella into vampire?!' I asked. Carlisle sighed. Everyone stared at me in shock.

That's what Dad was hiding from me there, in the hospital.

'It wasn't a serious plan', he explained. 'But her condition was bad, and I just thought…' Carlisle shrugged. 'Sorry. You can't live without her. That's all what I know'.

I shook my head, trying to delete that vision from my mind.

'It didn't come true, Edward', Alice said. Her voice was thin. She was tired, but she's found strength to calm me down.

'Don't worry. Bella isn't in danger anymore'.

'We need to decide another question,' Esme has noticed how disappointed I was. 'I think we should settle here for a while'.

Esme wasn't discussing it. She was confident about it. Esme has already planned to transport our belongings to Seattle. I wish I could be as optimistic as my Mom.

'No. It's out of question! It's dangerous', said Rosalie.

'I'll stay here', I said immediately.

'You can't! We don't look like humans. People'll notice everything!'

'Charlie's reaction to our look was good', Carlisle raised an objection. 'I think we have some time, until Bella recovers, at least'.

Alice moaned.

'I can't see anything while you're arguing like this! The future is too unstable!'

'What do you see? 'Jasper asked in a mild tone. 'Can anything happen if we stay?'

Alice concentrated. Her visions were blurred, half seen.

Finally we could see days passing by. Endless hospital corridors. Different people with surprised and embarrassed faces. I looked hard, searching for any possible trouble.

'Humans will be confused', Alice said after a long pause, 'but I don't see anything special. Not now. I think we can stay in Seattle.'

I breathed a sigh of relief. I won.

'Are you sure?' asked Jasper again. He wanted to be confident about his decision. Jasper was hesitating, but he wasn't able to go against Alice.

'Yes', she nodded.

Another vision appeared in Alice's head. Sister froze, watching it. I joined her.

Alice's answer created the stability that she needed so much. I could see myself, standing in the hospital room. Bella's room. I was smiling my best crooked smile she always liked. Bella's reaction was half hidden, but I managed to read something. What was that? Surprise? Shock? Definitely.

'You can speak with her very soon', Alice said. 'The vision is still unclear, but you won't have to wait for too long.'

 _I can speak with her again._

I smiled, repeating the vision again and again in my head. I was lost in thought, without paying attention to Rosalie's disapproval or Emmet's quiet laugh. I was happy. I couldn't ask for more.

I couldn't let myself think that anything could go wrong.

* * *

 **Attention! The chapter was updated on July 17, 2017. I corrected the mistakes that I found.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10. Strangers

The nurse arrived in time when I almost lost my hope to get out of this nightmare. She sedated me, and my panic attack started to fade, releasing me from a wordless mental pain. I began to breathe again. The air tasted sweet, almost strange.

The pain was replaced by a feeling of total emptiness. It wasn't new for me. I have been familiar with the emptiness for a very long time. It occupied the place in my chest, where my heart was supposed to be. It was frozen there, and even my blood seemed to be cold. My head was heavy; my thoughts were too difficult to digest them.

Charlie looked worried. I could read clear, bright fear inside of his eyes.

'Are you okay?' he asked again and again. I was nodding. It was supposed to irritate me, but it wasn't. I felt nothing. I wished I could fall asleep and save my father from worries, but my sleep had gone with the pain.

Renee's arrival hasn't saved the situation. Mom was bustling, showing her extra concern. It was too hard to concentrate my attention on her questions.

'I'm all right', I answered automatically. My voice sounded weak. 'You shouldn't worry about it so much.'

The haze in my head began to fade at the end of the day. My first clear thought was the realizing how tired and exhausted my parents were. I was ashamed to see that. It was my fault. Renee and Charlie weren't young anymore. I needed to take care of them. I had to, even if I was a patient now.

At last, I persuaded Mom to go to a hotel and get some rest. At first Renee was hesitating, but she gave up later. In my opinion, she gave up too fast. I couldn't remember the time when she was so pliable. We have had too many conflicts for the last few years.

I must have looked too awful, that's why Renee compromised.

Mom promised to return to the hospital in the early morning. Silence filled the room. I felt relief.

Dad announced he had to leave too. He needed to solve some problems at work before he could return to Seattle and take care of me. Charlie felt guilty about that. He had no desire to leave me alone.

'Sorry, Bells. 'I'll do my best to come back as soon as possible'.

'Don't worry', I learned these words by heart and repeated them without any feeling. 'Mom will look after me'.

My answer didn't make Charlie feel better. He frowned. Dad has never considered Mom as a reliable person.

He sighed, defeated. Charlie had no choice.

'I'll bring your books for you', he promised. 'You can read them when you start feeling better. I hope it'll cheer you up'.

If my numbness lasted, it wouldn't help. I wasn't sure I could read a line. Charlie seemed to know it too, but he felt too awkward to admit it. Dad didn't know how to show his care openly. Poor Charlie.

'Sure. Be careful', I said.

'Always am', Charlie hesitated, and then said: 'Love you, Bells'.

I had another reason to send my parents away. Found the ability to think again, I remembered my last nightmare, or, properly speaking, its worst part. Edward was going to visit me. It was inevitable. I knew he would appear here at night, when Carlisle's shift started. And I also knew I wouldn't be able to avoid it.

That was so weird. I have been dreaming of our meeting for so many years, imagining every detail, repeating unsaid words, but now, when it was going to happen, I didn't feel anything. All my feelings were blocked.

I closed my eyes, trying to slumber, when I heard:

' _Bella_?'

A low velvet voice broke the silence.

I forgot how his voice has sounded. Seven years has passed. My memory wasn't as perfect as I imagined. My heart started pounding. The blood's dance was loud and sharp.

That emotion was too complicated. What if that was just an illusion?

I opened my eyes. Edward was here, standing near the door, waiting for the invitation to come in.

Just like a vampire from old fairytales.

'I'm sorry. Did I wake you?' he asked in a mild tone. A smile appeared on his face. My heart missed a beat.

Another emotion that was too difficult to survive. I froze, watching him. My thoughts left my head again. It was impossible. He couldn't be here… he couldn't…

'May I come in?' Edward asked again. Of course, he knew I wasn't sleeping. He read the sound of my heart.

I was silent. The pause appeared to be too long, even for me. Edward frowned. Finally, he made up his mind to make a step closer.

'How are you feeling?' he asked, pretending to check my heart rate.

Another accurate step. The step of a hunter who was chasing his victim. I kept watching him, unwittingly noticing how elegant he was. I forgot that too.

I shook my head, trying to pull myself together.

'You didn't say 'hi', actually'.

Edward smiled.

'Hi'.

Another pause.

'Are you sure you're okay?' he asked again, concerned now.

'I'm in a hospital', I answered. My throat was dry. 'I think there's no sense in asking questions about my heath.'

To my surprise my voice sounded calm. But I wasn't going to be polite. Edward didn't seem to get that. He chuckled.

'Well, I'm not surprised. You're a magnet for accidents.'

'Some things don't change', I whispered. He frowned again.

I was afraid to lose sight of him. My tension was obvious. Just like the lightning flashing in the dark sky. He couldn't but notice it.

In spite of that, Edward set down in the chair beside my bed. Not too close, so I could keep watching him. His moves were careful, checked, too accurate. I felt the first wave of irritation.

The trap was set.

I made a deep breath. The air lost its taste again. I realized how poor my memory was. My recollections of Edward were dim, just like old photographs. The reality was too bright, almost painful for my human eyes.

Edward still was perfectly beautiful. His features and marble pale skin made him look more like a statue than a living person. Edward was dazzling with his beauty. He looked young, just like I had remembered him, but I could see it differently today.

Edward froze; he would always be young, while I turned into a shadow that couldn't let go her past regrets. I felt anger. The fury was boiling inside of my veins.

'You look great', I said sarcastically.

Edward smiled. His smile was dazzling, too strong, and I realized that it was his first true emotion. Edward was… happy?

 _You're not good for me, Bella._

'Seven years. It's not too much', he shrugged.

Oh, really? A new portion of anger woke up inside of me.

'Just seven years. It's really nothing for you'.

Edward was examining me too. I was wondering what he was thinking about. I wasn't that Bella that he had known. Not anymore. He must have disappointed in new me.

'You've changed', he said.

I shivered. Could Edward read my mind now? I wasn't prepared for that.

'But you're still so beautiful. And your smell…' Edward closed his eyes, becoming a statue again. He inhaled deeply as if he was a gourmet who tasted a new sort of wine.

'…it's still haunts me'.

No. My mind was still closed for him. If Edward read my anger, he would delete his perfect smile from his face. He was still lighthearted. It annoyed me even more.

'So, do you live in Seattle, then?' I asked. The silence irritated me too.

'Not exactly', Edward answered evasively. 'Our family… discussed it a lot,' he frowned, recalling something unpleasant, 'and we made a decision to stay in Seattle for a while'.

Of course. The Cullens must have a house in every town.

'Where have you lived, then?' My voice trembled this time.

 _Where have you been while I have died every day, waiting for you?_

'I travelled a lot, lived here and there', Edward's voice became serious in a second, 'but never for more than a year in one place.'

'Really? Where have you travelled?' I kept asking. I didn't know why I needed to know the answer, but I couldn't stop myself from asking new questions.

'New Zealand, India', Edward shrugged. 'There are lots of places in the world with a rainy climate'.

'Sounds like the best vacation in your life', I said. At least it sounded like that. Edward lived his own life, enjoying his freedom, when I have got stuck in a little town with no perspectives and no future.

Great. I made a deep breath again, trying to calm down. My heart was still bouncing, almost jumping out from my chest. I wasn't anxious anymore. I was angry.

I looked at Edward again. He seemed to be ideal for me in the past. He was a wonderful prince from a fairytale who became real. He looked like that now. Edward was still beautiful, and it drove me crazy. His perfection, his patience, his youth irritated me. It was painful to look at him. My past dreams appeared to be rotten. A bright candy wrapper, empty inside.

Edward finally realized that something was wrong. He frowned.

'It's not the case, Bella. You misunderstood me.'

'How should I understand it, then?'

He was just a spoiled child, nothing more.

He looked me in the eyes. I started to irritate him too. Edward's eyes turned into burning fire.

'I left because I wanted to stay away from you', he started to explain.

 _I won't come back._

'What a wonderful explanation…'

'I wished you could have your own life', he interrupted me. Edward's speech became so fast that it was difficult to catch it. 'I wished you wouldn't be in danger anymore. I didn't want you to be afraid, so you could live the life that you deserved. You deserved to be happy, Bella. Without me.'

I gulped my sobs back.

'Edward…'

It was painful to pronounce his name, but it didn't matter anymore. I was angry and had no desire to hide it. It was unnecessary. All these feelings revived me. I felt alive for the first time after so many years. I woke up.

'Look at me. Am I looking like a happy person?'

Edward glanced at my bandages. He sighed.

'It's not exactly what I had meant…'

'But it's exactly what I mean!' I shouted. I didn't pretend anymore. 'How could you decide that I would be happy without you?'

'I let you have a choice!' he shouted back. He was angry too. Edward finally became himself now. A monster. He didn't pretend.

I shook my head.

'You didn't leave me any choice! You just drowned in self-pity. You didn't think about me at all. Do you want to know how have I lived all these years? I was rotting in Forks where you had left me. Do you think it looks like a true concern? You didn't have any right to decide anything for me!'

He stared at me, breathing heavily. Edward couldn't recognize me. I didn't feel sorry for that. His Bella died. I was completely different.

'Life is much more complicated than anyone's expectations', I added quietly. 'You can't live you life according to an established plan… Sometimes nothing works, your life turns into a real nightmare, and there is no place where you can hide from it.'

I dropped my eyes, pretending to examine my bandages. Instead of this I could see my life flashing before my eyes. Empty and endless days. Constant Raining and cold, the gray-green light. Shifts at Newton's. An old kitchen in Charlie's house.

'Here's the meaning of life. You grown up when realize that you can't run from your problems. You'll have to live with them… But you probably won't understand me. You don't know what's like – to be the real grown up.'

Edward clenched his teeth together. I hurt him, definitely.

He jumped to his feet. I looked up.

'Who made you like that?' he asked. Edward made a deep breath, then another one, trying to find patience. I wasn't able to read his mind, but I saw uncertainness and disapproval in his eyes. Edward was staring at me – and couldn't find that Bella that he used to know.

I laughed bitterly. I knew the answer.

'You,' I said, 'you made me like that'.

 _Do you see what've you done?_

Yes. He made me like that. The answer was pure and simple. Edward made me change, taught me how to be tough, how to fence myself off from my old life. I was lost. All what I knew was how to hurt people. Hurt Renee. And Charlie. Hurt Jacob, because I offended him. Hurt Dave, because I broke his heart. I didn't know anything else. Edward taught me how to be cruel.

'I think I chose the wrong time to visit', he muttered.

I've disappointed him. I wasn't the only one who woke up. He woke up too. Everything became clearer now. We turned into strangers again, the strangers who hated each other. Our love started from hate. Probably, we shouldn't have started it at all…

'That's right. You shouldn't come back', I answered.

 _It will be as if I'd never existed._

I saw pain in Edward's eyes. He left the room, running. His speed was too fast for a human; his motions were blurred, hardly visible. Edward could go if he wanted. Hide again in his shell. I didn't care if somebody would notice him or start to suspect something strange. I didn't care if he would have troubles.

The silence filled the room again. I looked away and finally started to cry.

* * *

 **Dear readers! The previous chapter was updated a few days ago. Nothing serious – I just wanted to correct the mistakes that I had found. I'm really sorry for that. I'm trying my very best, but I'm not a native speaker, and, unfortunately, can make some stupid mistakes from time to time. If anybody can recommend me a beta reader here who can help me with this, I'll be very, very grateful. Thanks for your attention, for reading the story and all your reviews!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11. Bedtime story

After a long crying I fell into a deep sleep. In my dream I was on the outskirts of Forks. The smell of the rain was in the air. The green light was almost real. I was in the forest, looking around, searching for something.

No, not like that. I was searching for _him_ , knowing that there was no chance to find anyone in the woods. My steps were fast, I was almost running. A deep green wall surrounded me. There was to chance to go back. I went deep into the forest, doomed to catch only a shadow…

I woke up suddenly. The first light colored the room with green. It was an early morning. I felt tired. The sleep didn't help me at all. I was lying sleepless, watching the light to grow. My last conversation with Edward seemed to be weird, almost unreal. I wasn't quite sure it really happened. What if it was just another bad dream?

There were accurate steps heard from the corridor. I turned my head and noticed a white coat. _Carlisle._ The idea flashed into my mind, reviving me again. Edward was real. And our conversation was real. I turned him away. I would never find him in the deep of the woods...

Carlisle noticed me and smiled gently.

'Hey, Bella', he said quietly. His motions were accurate, slow, but very confident. He was the real professional.

'Hi, Carlisle'.

The doctor came closer and looked at the monitor, checking something.

When we first met, Carlisle looked like an adult to me. He was young, but his behavior made me believe in his age. Seven years later the situation has changed. Carlisle was almost my peer now, physically, at least.

'You're supposed to sleep', Carlisle noticed. 'You need to get some rest if you want to recover.'

'I did', I answered. 'But I woke up.'

Carlisle was examining the documents now.

'Try again', he suggested. His voice was melodic and soft, and it comforted me. I was ready to trust him. 'I can give you a soporific if you wish'.

'No', I answered quickly. It was good not to think about anything, but the haze in my head influenced bad on me. I didn't like it.

My answer was too fast. Carlisle laughed.

'Okay. Your condition is quite good, considering the level of your injuries.'

I remembered that Carlisle was among those doctors who had saved my life.

'Thanks for your help'.

The doctor smiled again.

'You're welcome. Now try to sleep. I'll leave the room very soon'.

He was kind and charming, but Carlisle avoided looking me in my eyes. He concentrated on his work, but I realized there was something wrong. Of course.

'Carlisle?' I asked when the doctor was going to leave.

'Yes, Bella?'

Carlisle looked up, and I've noticed that his youth was false. His eyes were full of kindness, wisdom and patience, enough for a few long lives. I felt awkward. My heart started pounding.

'Have you heard about…Edward's visit already?' I asked accurately.

Carlisle laughed again, bitterly this time.

'Yes. The news is spreading very fast'.

I felt guilty. Now, when the anger had gone, my behavior looked stupid. I didn't feel sorry for all what I've said, but I felt uncomfortable now, in front of Carlisle. He was so nice, so kind to be – and I disappointed him too. I sighed.

I was going to say something about that, but Carlisle interrupted me.

'Don't worry, Bella. I'll try not to disturb you again.'

His answer was short, but meant much more than it looked like. I felt worse.

'Wait! You can stay here… It's okay,' I said. My heart began beating faster. Too fast. Carlisle frowned and stared at me, worried. The fast change in my condition didn't sound good to him.

Carlisle returned and held my hand, trying to comfort me.

'You shouldn't worry, Bella. It's not good for you'.

His hand was ice-cold, but it didn't matter. Carlisle gave me support that I needed.

'Do you thing I'm a bad person?' I asked.

Carlisle shook his head.

'I don't think so. You had intelligible reasons to behave towards Edward in that manner.'

'It was awful... I said a lot of horrible things. All these strong emotions… they confuse me'.

'It's a normal reaction to stress. Moreover, you've got a concussion. Many patients suffer from the depression when they recover after the accident. Your inability to deal with emotions is quite predictable.'

Carlisle was silent for a while.

'And, I'm afraid, Edward deserved to get the cold shoulder. He should have expected something like that. I'm sorry if we has disappointed you'.

I didn't feel better. I needed to change the subject, to speak about something else, but I couldn't remember any topic of conversation. At last I decided to speak about my condition again.

'Did I look very bad when you met me here?'

'The situation was… complicated', he answered. Carlisle's eyes were blurred. 'But you managed to hear my voice. I considered it to be a good sign'.

'Did I hear you?' I asked, surprised. I didn't remember that.

I haven't noticed when I started shaking from cold. Carlisle was faster. He stopped holding my hand.

'Yes', he confirmed. 'I'm not surprised about that. The moment was critical'.

'How could you know that it was a good sign?' it was hard to understand what he meant.

Carlisle smiled.

'Because I've seen it already'.

'When?'

'When I met Esme again.'

' _Again_?' I was puzzled now. 'Did you know Esme before… before changing her?'

'You didn't know?' Carlisle frowned. He was surprised. 'I thought Edward had told you everything about us'.

I twitched when Carlisle mentioned _his_ name, but tried to look normal. I needed to pretend being normal again.

'Tell me'.

'Do you want to hear a bedtime story?' he joked.

I shrugged and felt pain immediately. I shouldn't have moved. When would I remember that?

'We have plenty of time', I reminded him. 'I'm ready to listen'.

It was nice to speak with Carlisle like that. I almost forgot how to have an ordinary conversation.

Carlisle looked out of the window, examining the morning sky.

'Okay' he sat on the edge of my bed, 'I think we have some time. It was in 1911, seven years before I found Edward. I settled in Ohio, working at the hospital and replacing the local doctor time after time…'

* * *

'I'm sorry for disturbing you at such a late hour. We've tried to find our family doctor, but he is out of town…' explained a middle-aged woman in a blue dress, her eyes full of tears.

She constantly glanced at her husband, a tall man with grey hair. The man ignored his wife: instead of this he was staring at his young daughter. The girl avoided his stare, trying to shut herself off from her parent.

'It's okay. I'll be glad to replace your doctor today. Everything will be fine', promised Carlisle. These words sounded usual. He repeated them almost everyday, but, according to the doctor's observations, the words always calmed humans down.

It worked on his young patient, definitely. The girl with caramel hair and heart-shaped face looked up and smiled.

She was a teenager. Not a child, but not an adult yet, the girl didn't belong to any world completely. Just like him, although she would have much better future…

The girl's features were mild and pleasant. Carlisle was surprised to notice that. Her parents didn't have it at all. They must have lost their kindness already. Life changed these people a lot.

Carlisle smiled back. The girl blushed. Of course. He dazzled her.

'Well, I' m not sure about that…' her father said, frowning. His voice was full of disapproval. 'Who knows how serious your trauma is…'

The girl stared at father. Her face lost its color. She sighed and looked down again.

Carlisle felt he needed to do something.

'Can you leave the room, please?' he asked in a serious tone. 'I need to examine the patient.'

The man frowned again.

'Let's go outside, darling', the wife seized his sleeve. 'We shouldn't stay here'.

The couple exchanged looks. Finally, the man nodded.

Carlisle listened to their steps, waiting for them to leave.

'Thank you', the girl whispered. 'My father is not very tactful'.

'You're welcome', he answered politely. 'He just worries about you. Take it easy. Let's better speak about your trauma. Tell me, what happened to you, young lady?'

'Esme', the girl corrected. She wrinkled her nose. Carlisle almost laughed, noticing that. The girl didn't like to be compared to the lady.

'I fell down from a tree.'

' _Esme_ ', he repeated. ' And I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen…' he introduced himself.

The girl blushed. The doctor took her seriously; he spoke with her as if she was an adult.

Carlisle was examining the leg, trying not to scare the girl. His touch was too cold.

'Are you an Irishman?'

Carlisle looked at the girl, surprised. She was smiling. Interesting. Usually people avoided speaking with the doctor. They felt something wrong although they couldn't explain why. The doctor was so nice, so polite, so attractive… but the instinct made humans stay away.

But that girl was unusual. Carlisle listened to her heart. She was calm.

'Your surname has an Irish origin, right?' she asked. Esme was much more clever than he had expected.

'Gaelic, to be precise', the doctor answered automatically. 'But this surname is still known in Ireland. You're quite correct.'

'May be, it's just a sprain?' Esme asked hopefully.

He shook his head.

'No. It's a fracture. You broke your leg'.

The girl moaned.

'My father will kill me', she complained.

'I'm sure your father isn't angry with you anymore.'

'I like to play with kids, but Dad doesn't approve it,' the girl blurted out. She felt she could trust the doctor. 'He thinks my behavior is inappropriate for _the real_ _lady_!'

Carlisle chuckled.

'Your injury is not so bad. You've got a closed single fracture. I fixed your leg', he described. 'You need to be accurate. I'll give you a medicine that'll help to control the pain. Don't worry. You're young. The healing is going to be fast'.

The girl nodded, frowning. The mildness faded from her face, making Esme resemble her tired mother. Carlisle didn't like that. Her simplicity was so catchy.

'But as I see it, you have some time _not_ to behave like a lady,' he said honestly.

She still had time.

Esme's face softened. This doctor was different, much better than their local physician. It was so nice to stay in his presence. Dr. Cullen was so attentive. What a gentlemen! A sudden idea came to Esme's mind. Perhaps, it was worthy to behave like a lady if she could meet someone like him one day. _Dr._ _Carlisle Cullen_ …

* * *

'We've met again ten years later, in 1921. Edward and I lived in Ashland, were I worked as a doctor at the local hospital. I always worked at night. No one had anything against it', Carlisle continued.

'It was an early morning. My shift was over. I preferred to leave the hospital through the door which leaded to the morgue. I wasn't afraid to choose that path', he laughed. 'I'm a demon. Nothing can scare me'.

'Usually it was silent there. Dead people are not very talkative, you know. But I heard something strange that time…'

Carlisle kept silent for a while. My heat was pounding again.

'I managed to catch a heartbeat, very quiet, but still very strong. I was shocked. I couldn't believe it was possible, but I decided to examine the bodies, just in case. And then I saw _her.._.'

'Did you recognize Esme after all these years?' I asked, surprised.

Carlisle nodded.

'Yes. I still remembered that funny girl and recognized her immediately. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her', his voice changed. I've noticed the color of pain in Carlisle's tone. 'Esme was badly injured. Her spine was broken. Her condition was so bad that the doctors considered her dead. They didn't try to save Esme. Her heartbeat was noticeable for me only.'

'But I could hear it. I could her heart, could see the remains of life on her face. What has happened to that lovely girl? I wished she could live a happy life. Instead of this I noticed bruises and scars, not only new, but the old ones too. Something horrible happened in Esme's life. It was domestic violence, as I found out later.'

I shivered. Poor Esme.

'I couldn't understand why life could be so cruel', Carlisle voice was bitter now. 'I stepped closer and called her name. I course, I still remembered it. To my surprise, Esme heard me. She was dying, suffering from horrible pain, but when she looked at me I found something special inside of her brown eyes…'

Brown eyes?

'I realized that Esme had recognized me too. I felt relieved. Perhaps, I should have guessed that I was falling in love', he said, laughing. 'But I had never been in love before. I wasn't going to let Esme suffer. I couldn't let her die. Her eyes hid something that I wanted to reach… I stole Esme from the morgue, and brought her home'.

'At first Esme thought she was dying; she thought I was an angel who was going to take her to heaven', Carlisle laughed again. 'I'm not sure about that part, but she has started a new life since then. No one will hurt her anymore'.

'I'm glad that you found each other', I said honestly.

'Thank you. I still can't believe that it's true', Carlisle was honest too. His face was shining in the bright light. Carlisle looked so happy. It was easy to believe in his joy.

'Is she here?' I asked. Edward mentioned something about the conversation with his family, but I didn't remember that part well.

'Yes. Esme will stay in Seattle while the future is clear'.

I recalled Alice's face immediately. Of course. My fight with Edward showed her a new future…

'Are you going to leave?' I asked. I couldn't but admit that I still worried about the Cullens. 'It'll be strange if you disappear without any explanation'.

Carlisle's face turned into a polite mask. He had his own opinion about that, but let me make a choice.

'Don't worry about us. We can leave, if you want.'

I glanced at Carlisle again, hesitating. My answer was conclusive.

Did I want the Cullens to leave? I suddenly imagined Charlie's face when he would found out about Carlisle's departure. It would disappoint him. Moreover, Dr. Cullen has never hurt me. Carlisle protected me, cared about me, he saved my life…

I sighed. I had a choice, but... I had no choice. My hands were tied.

'Don't leave,' I said after a pause. 'Charlie likes you. You're the only doctor he trusts'.

Carlisle laughed again. Did I notice relief in his laugh? I've got a sudden idea that the whole conversation could be planned. What is _someone_ predicted the necessary variant of the future?

'I like Charlie too', the doctor admitted. 'He's an excellent father'.

'I think so too', I smiled for the first time. Carlisle was so nice. It was impossible to resist his charm.

Carlisle got up.

'You need to get rest now. Try to sleep. Doctor's orders!'

I nodded. The conversation was long. I felt tired.

'Send my love to Esme', I mumbled.

'I will'.

Carlisle was going to leave the room when he recalled something else.

'Bella? I must warn you about something'.

'About what?' I asked, puzzled. What have I missed?

'If we stay here, I won't be able to save you from Alice,' Carlisle explained.

I groaned. I forgot about that!

'Probably, I need to think about your staying in Seattle again'.

Carlisle laughed.

'She loves you', he added, his tone serious now. 'Go to sleep, Bella. You'll need your strength'.

Carlisle left the room, letting me think about Alice.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12. Alice

The doctors were optimistic about my recovery. My youth worked on me. My fractures and injuries were healing. The process was very slow, but my doctors haven't found any complications. At first I reacted to the news with unhidden enthusiasm: the conversation with Carlisle had cheered me up. I kept thinking of the future where Charlie and Renee wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. It would be great. I was optimistic, but it wasn't going to last forever. Everything ended when I realized how long and painful the process of healing would be.

Pain leaded my life. I was happy to see the nurse who visited to sedate me. The drugs released me from pain, at least, temporarily. When its action was over, the hell was returning to my life. I've tried to stay calm, but nothing worked. I didn't belong to myself anymore.

Renee and Charlie worried. Both of them felt uncomfortable; my pain made them feel pain too. Mom wished she could go home. Renee was useless here, but she didn't have a proper reason for leaving. Unfortunately, I was too angry and tired, and had no force to persuade her to return to Jacksonville.

A was lying in my bed, sleepless again, waiting for the next day to start. A new day of pain, anger and irritation. I closed my eyes, trying to find sleep. I was so tired...

'Open your eyes, Bella! I know you're not sleeping!'

A high ringing melody broke the silence.

I shivered and met a pair of wide eyes. They weren't just golden; they had the color of topaz. It reminded me of grandma's ring that she wore in my memories.

The face opposite me was deadly-white, marble, too perfect. Her pixie-like features made her look weak and fragile. Her dark hair was raven black. She looked surprised, although that surprise was insincere.

 _Alice Cullen_. I was afraid to speak with her. I didn't know why, but I felt that it wouldn't be easy.

'Hey, Alice', my voice sounded muffled. 'How are you?' I asked quickly.

Alice's stare was too serious. My heart couldn't hide my emotions. I felt uncomfortable. Just like a thief caught in the middle of the burglary.

'I'm in a very bad mood, actually!' she cried without saying hello. 'Because of you, Bella! I'm offended!'

She folded her arms on her chest.

'Offended by me?' I asked, surprised. We've just met after so many years. What have I done now?

'Yes!' Alice answered. 'At first you speak with Carlisle, and then I see the future with Esme visiting you. WITHOUT ME! How could you do this to me? I'm your best friend!'

Alice's voice sounded too high for my ears. It annoyed me. I made a deep breath.

'You were', I corrected, frowning. 'We haven't seen each other for seven years'.

My fear was fading. It helped me to concentrate.

'But I still worry about you!' Alice protested. 'And it wasn't my fault that I had to leave you without a single good bye!'

She was so untactful. Everyone has tried not to mention that painful moment, but Alice wasn't afraid to hurt me again. I gave her a dirty look. She glanced back, angry too.

'You look awful!' she noticed, examining me.

'Thank you', I answered automatically.

'I mean your appearance, Bella. You're still young, but I can see lots of new wrinkles printed on your face. You look like nothing on earth!'

Alice was a huge fan of beauty and style – everything that I wasn't familiar with. If she were human, Alice would spend all of her time in a beauty shop. I looked at her again, trying to notice something imperfect. Alice was ideal. She didn't need any correction.

Alice must have decided that she hasn't annoyed me yet. Alice grabbed my hands, examining them. I blushed.

'Why are you looking so awful?' she asked.

'I was busy', I said evasively. Alice's eyes narrowed.

'Busy with what? Washing dishes in Charlie's house?'

I made another deep breath. Alice wasn't going to be so nice and soft.

'Something like that', I answered, trying to calm myself down.

I thought Alice was going to say something about my nails, but she suddenly murmured:

'Weird... I thought I just saw it'.

Alice dropped my hands. Something disappointed her. I frowned again.

'What were you searching for?' I asked.

'Your wedding ring!' answered Alice. 'I saw a vision with your husband. He is still wearing the ring. I thought you might have it too.'

Oh.

'Did you see Dave?' I asked, unsure that I could speak about the divorce.

Alice nodded.

'Yes. He's going to visit you today. I thought you need to know'.

'He hasn't visited me yet', I said, surprised. Renee mentioned her conversation with David, but…

Alice suddenly laughed. I stared at her. It looked as if she was reading my thoughts. I was too predictable. Open book again.

'It's because of Charlie', she explained. 'He doesn't like him very much. Your Dad's telling your husband to visit you later, because your condition is too bad. Funny, isn't it?'

'How can you know that?'

Alice shrugged.

'I just spoke to Charlie in the hall before visiting you. I needed to ask his permission. I wanted to be polite'.

'And he gave it to you?' I asked, although I had already known the answer.

Alice considered my remark as a little compliment.

'I know how to be persuasive'.

I sighed.

'Have you always been so… irritating?' I asked, giving up. I wished I could be angry with Alice, but I was too weak to resist her.

Alice chuckled.

'Yes. And you won't be able to get rid of me. I promise.'

I wasn't sure about that. I've heard it already. I looked away, thinking about the days we could have spent together. So much time was lost…

Alice noticed my numbness.

'How's life, by the way? Except your failed marriage, of course', she continued the conversation. 'And, if you want to know my opinion, I didn't like your husband at all. He is so… ordinary'.

Alice wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something unpleasant.

'His name is Dave. And, if you want to know my opinion, he is very kind and supportive', I answered, protecting him. 'Appearances can be deceiving. Have you ever heard about that?'

Alice grimaced. She didn't agree with my opinion.

'I know, Edward behaved like an idiot, but you shouldn't have set the bar so low! It seems like you have bad taste literally in everything!'

Well, that was too much. I inhaled deeply. Stay calm, stay calm…

'Do you see the reason why I didn't want to see you?' I asked, irritated by this conversation.

Alice examined my face again, reading every emotion.

'Yes', she answered in a serious tone. 'I'm the only person who can get you out of your imaginary world. I won't be silent. And I'm not going to be as patient as Carlisle or Esme. I'm your true friend!'

Alice was out of breath, disappointed now. Such a sudden change in her emotions surprised me. I realized that it was difficult for Alice too. It was difficult for her to pretend being happy and funny. Alice was hiding pain too, and she wasn't going to hide it all the time.

Alice pointed at me.

'Look at you! What have you done with your life?' Alice cried. 'You could go to college, start travelling, do something instead of rotting in Forks!'

Alice was angry. I wanted to interrupt her, wanted to tell her all what I has been planning to say, but Alice shook her head.

'I know. I'm rude', her speech was fast. Too fast. Could she remember that I was just a human?

'Edward had no right to leave you. He made a mistake. And I made that mistake too…'

Wait. Was she going to apologize?

'I'm sorry, Bella', added Alice, whispering now. The changes in her behavior were so fast. 'We should have prevented it or, at least, tried to change Edward's mind. I know that all these years have been difficult for you. I can see that.'

She said exactly what I wanted to stay. I frowned again. I would feel better if I let release my pain, but now… I had no idea what to do now. The old anger vanished, leaving too many space inside of me.

'And I can see pain in Charlie's eyes', Alice continued. She would start crying if she could cry. 'Think about him! He looks so old. And he is so tired…'

'I'm always thinking about Charlie! What am I supposed to do?' I asked, desperate. I needed to protect myself somehow. 'He won't return home until my recovery'.

I looked Alice in the eyes. The cold topaz turned into golden lava.

'Well… actually, there is an opportunity to make Charlie leave Seattle', said Alice after some pause.

'I can't recover in a single day. I'm only a human', I noticed sarcastically.

Then I finally realized what I just have said. I'm only a human. Human. _Human…_

I imagined myself being perfectly healthy, looking beautiful, having pale cold skin and bright red eyes…

Alice froze. A new vision came to her mind. Her eyes widened.

'Not like that, Bella', she whispered. 'My proposal wasn't so… radical'.

I blushed. A short picture inside of my head changed the possible future. It must be the most embarrassing day in my life…

'It's not what I meant', Alice continued. 'I wanted to say that Charlie wouldn't have to stay in Seattle if you came back to Forks'.

I recalled Forks hospital. It was a little one storey building. The nursing home was situated there too, so the hospital was very, very small. I could bet there was no necessary equipment in Forks; I wouldn't be able to recover there.

'I don't understand what you're talking about', I said honestly. The idea of sending Charlie away was great, but hardly possible. 'The hospital in Forks is too small. And I'm quite sure', I pointed at the monitor, 'that they' won't let me take it.'

Alice laughed again.

'I've got good news for you, then. Someone has just made a huge donation to Forks hospital…' she paused theatrically.

'…with all equipment you may ever need. The donation is made by an anonymous sponsor. It's impossible to turn it back. Moreover, one of the best doctors in the world is ready to move to Forks and take care of you. You're so lucky!'

She winked. I blushed again.

'You can't do this!' I answered. 'It's unfair! 'I won't accept any gifts from… from…'

I could see Edward's face inside of my mind.

'…him', I finished.

Alice rolled her eyes.

'I don't make you accept any present from Edward, Bella! But don't you want to accept gifts from me? Or Carlisle? Just imagine Esme's face when she finds out how rude you are! She loves you so much. Where's your gratitude?'

Esme's image replaced Edward from my mind. Her soft, heart-shaped face was staring at me with disapproval. _Again._

I sighed.

'I won't accept it from you', I shook my head.

Alice paused for while, watching the future, then relaxed and smiled, showing her white teeth.

'No, you will!'

'Don't expect that I'll change my mind'.

'I know you'll say yes. I can see that!'

'What if you are just lying to me?' I mumbled. She was so noisy. What could I do?

Alice shrugged.

'It's your choice, not mine. Your love for Carlisle, Esme and me is too strong. You should accept that. And you feel guilty because Renee and Charlie have stuck here. Your face is so easy to read'.

I grimaced. I didn't want to accept that Alice was right.

'Charlie can go home. Return to work. Go fishing. And Renee can return to Phil. Moreover, it's a bit dangerous for us to stay here…' Alice added, becoming serious again. 'Carlisle is too delicate. He'll never tell you that, but we endanger our lives by staying in Seattle for too long'.

'Do you think that your moving to Forks can help you?' I asked skeptically. 'What's the difference?'

No one could forget the Cullens. I knew what I was talking about.

Alice wasn't going to give up.

'Little towns are the best place to hide, Bella. You'll learn that, when…'

'When what?' I asked.

Alice froze again, ignoring my question. The lava became a haze; haze turned into the topaz again. A few seconds passed, and Alice woke up. She smiled, relieved.

'Never mind', Alice said, getting up. Her motions were elegant and light. 'Your future is fixed now. I think I can work with that'.

She touched my cheek softly and suddenly hurried to the door, waving goodbye.

Alice was so annoying, but… Was she going to leave me all alone?

'Stop… Wait!' I cried. 'Don't go! Are you going to leave me like that?'

Another laugh, another colorful melody. Alice turned to me and met my scared gaze.

'We all are returning to Forks', she said happily. Joy was playing in her voice. 'I can see it so clearly', Alice confessed.

'I had a lot of work to do now. I'm sorry, I have to go. I need to see Carlisle. He must speak with other doctors and start to plan your transportation.'

I sighed and looked away. It was so strange. Before Alice arrived I wished I could release my parents from sufferings. The problem was almost solved now, but I wasn't happy about it.

'Bella?'

I looked up. Alice had already returned and stood not far from my bad, smiling again.

'I just wanted to say that you shouldn't worry about Renee', she added. 'I'll ask Esme to take care of it. And, by the way… do you mind if I inform Charlie about the latest news? I can hear him standing not far from here.'

I gave her another angry look.

'You're impossible', I mumbled.

Alice laughed.

'I know. Everybody says that.'

When has my life started to change so fast?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13. Accepting mistakes

It had been raining at night, and the trees were shining. I could see cold water drops glittering on the leaves. Thousands of little diamonds, fragile, but so beautiful, they couldn't but fascinate me.

I was sitting on my window, breathing greedily. When I was human, I didn't have time to enjoy the nature. No one could blame me for that. I was a teenager, I was seventeen, I was dreaming about becoming a war hero. I didn't have time to notice anything except my big dreams and desires.

When I became a vampire, I've got plenty of free time. I learned to enjoy the forest, learned its habits, started to notice little beauty in everything. The forest became my home, and I was examining the trees now, hoping it would calm me down.

It was impossible to hide the news from my family. When I came home after my conversation with Bella, they had known everything. Sometimes I hated the moments like that, and I hated that moment now. I had no privacy, no chance to hide from the other thoughts. Tired of constant pitiful looks, I escaped to the forest, running as fast as could. I wished I would be tired. I wished it would help me. It didn't. After a few hours of running I returned to my room, closed the door and turned on my stereo system. The music was complicated, very loud. That was my way to show everyone that I didn't need any companionship. I didn't need their pity. I didn't want to see anybody.

I was blaming myself for all what had happened. How could I be so stupid? I wasn't able to deal with my own emotions. When I saw Bella, I was out of my mind. She was alive. She was real… I didn't know what I was doing.

I needed to be more careful, I know. I had to listen to my heart, even if it was silent. I should have controlled myself, but I behaved like a fool.

 _Who made you like this?_

 _You._

Did I lose her forever? It seemed so. There was no turning back. It was only my fault. Mental pain returned, filling every cell of my dead frozen body. I wished I could die of shame. This life was too difficult for me to endure. I was hiding in my room, waiting for retribution.

At first my parents, brothers and sisters tried to talk to me, but that idea was pointless. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Of course, loud music couldn't hide their thoughts from me, but I pretended not to notice them. I wanted to get lost in my sorrow.

To my surprise something has changed soon. A sudden Carlisle's conversation with Bella was spontaneous, but it ended on a high note. It showed everyone a new way to follow. I read hope inside of everyone's mind. Weird, but the family even started to think in the same way. My parents, brothers and sisters made a decision to charm Bella again, gain her trust, try to solve any possible problem. That idea cheered them up. They started to make plans, hoping for a good future.

Alice saw a new vision with Esme visiting Bella. Sister was upset about it, much more that she was showing. Alice still considered Bella as a good friend. I shook my head, reading that thought inside of her mind. Alice was wrong. She was a stranger for Bella too.

Despite that, Emmet was having fun again. Nothing could let him down.

'I'm going to visit Bella too', he was joking. 'I have always been her favourite'.

'Very funny, Emmet', Rose mumbled. She was the only person who didn't drive me crazy with her thoughts. She was thinking about speaking to me, but she hasn't found the right moment yet.

Emmet looked at her, his smile wide.

'Don't even try to beg me. I'm not going to take you with me!'

Alice was overenthusiastic. Parents tried to warn her about possible problems, but my little sister didn't listen to anyone. She wasn't just eager to see Bella after so much time. Alice was tired. The distant future was still uncertain. It was killing her. Alice's thoughts were numerous and complicated; she was thinking about everything and nothing. Sometimes Alice did it trying to distract me. Was she going to do that now? I didn't know, but her plans weren't clear.

All what I knew was that Alice was going to do everything trying to change the future, no matter how. In the end sister proved herself as a real manipulator. She even managed to make Bella return to Forks. Our future became clearer. But… at what cost?

Esme thought that Alice was too rude.

'What were you thinking about? We need to restart our relationship with Bella. How can we do this if you're telling her the ugly truth?'

Alice couldn't predict such kind of reaction. She seemed being offended too.

'I've got everything we needed!' Alice protested. 'We don't have to stay in Seattle anymore. Our problem is solved. Moreover, no one will try to kill Bella', she glanced at Jasper and Rosalie. 'The things will go in the right way when we return to Forks'.

'How can you know?' asked Mom.

Good question, actually. Alice hasn't spoken about the vision that was showing that. What if she… overdid her job? I looked into sister mind, trying to find something special. Alice wouldn't be so confident without any reason. What was she hiding?

I was deep in thought, searching for the information in Alice's mind, when a quiet knock awaked me. I found a new radio wave, a new mind to read.

 _Rosalie_. The proper moment was found, and my sister decided to use it.

 _May I come in?_ she thought, staying on the threshold and waiting for my answer.

I pretended not to notice her question.

Rose sighed and stepped in.

'I just wanted to talk', she said aloud. _So stubborn_ , Rose added in her thoughts, irritated.

Rosalie glanced at my stereo. She hated it. _How can he listen to the same album again and again?_

Rose was imagining herself smashing the stereo to smithereens.

'Don't even dare', I mumbled.

'Sorry. I didn't really mean it', Rose smiled bitterly. I grinned. She actually meant it. 'I just turn it down, okay?'

I didn't answer again. Rose switched off the stereo and stepped closer. After some hesitation, Rose preferred to stay on her feet. Sister squeezed my shoulder. I shivered, but didn't shake it off.

 _I came here to apologize_ , she thought. It was much easier for Rose to speak that way. _I wanted to say sorry for my words about killing Bella. It was stupid._

I sighed.

 _Of course, I remember how difficult it was for you – to stay away from her. I know that my decision will ruin the family',_ it was difficult for Rose to admit it. ' _Weird, but Bella unites us all,_ Rose imagined herself smiling _, even if we have conflicts._

'Esme is right. Alice should have been more prudent', said I. Rose laughed.

 _It's your fault. You knew what she was planning. You're the only person Alice would listen. Bella is your toy, first of all._

Did she want to judge me? I have done that part of the job already.

Rose looked confused. Sister was searching for the right words again.

'I wanted to say something else…' she added.

I looked at her. Rose sighed.

'You can't always hide here, inside of your shell, Edward. It's childish. I don't understand why you are wasting your time', she confessed.

Rose and I have never spoken about something personal. I felt uncomfortable.

'You've lost seven years already', Rose hasn't noticed the moment when she started speaking aloud. 'Do something!'

Her compassion was touching, but useless.

'It's pointless. She doesn't want to see me', I said in a bitter voice. Perhaps, there came a time to accept the truth.

To my surprise sister laughed.

'You're so stupid, Edward!' her laugh was high, melodic, catchy. 'It didn't matter what Bella had said. Remember Shakespeare*…'

I rolled my eyes.

'I'm glad that you compare my life with Shakespeare tragedies,' I grimaced, 'but it doesn't matter. It's over.'

I seemed to start irritating Rose. Sister made a deep breath. Her long earrings trembled.

'Why do you think so? You'll never know until you try. You're a spoiled child, Edward. And you're using Carlisle and Esme who are too delicate to tell you the truth. Everything is complicated, but it's not too late. It's never too late, until Bella's heart is beating'.

Rose paused.

'If I were you I would find out everything about Bella's husband. He can give you much more information that you think'.

'How can you know that?' I asked. 'You have never been an expert in human behavior'.

Rose smiled again, bitterly this time.

'I know everything about broken hearts', she murmured. We both remembered about Rose's tragic human life. I felt awkward. Rose wasn't my favourite, but I didn't mean to hurt her.

The door opened again. Rose and I noticed Alice who entered the room and closed the door accurately, without making any noise. Alice froze, watching the nearest future. She was checking if the corridor would be empty soon…

'What are you doing here?' I asked, puzzled.

Alice's face was full of sorrow.

'Hiding from Esme', she explained. 'She is mad at me because I has offended Bella. Or, to be correct, that's what she thinks about that', Alice added.

'Esme has never been mad at anyone', I said. It was true. Mom was the soul of our family.

'Well, she is now', Alice grimaced. Esme was our conscience too. In sister's vision Esme was waiting for her near the wardrobe. 'Esme is very upset. She even thinks to ask Carlisle to cut my clothes budget.'

'What a tragedy, Alice', Rose and I both chuckled. Shakespeare would be surprised…

Alice stared at me.

'I can ask Rose to crash your stereo system. Let's see what you're gonna do then'.

I rolled my eyes.

'I think I should go downstairs', said Rose. _You need to talk to Alice too,_ she added to me _._ Our eyes met.

'Good idea', answered Alice. She pretended not to notice our mental conversation. 'Emmet has been thinking about repairing your car by himself… probably, you won't like it'.

When Rose left, Alice made a few confident steps forward and sat beside me, her legs dangling. She started to examine the forest too. For a few minutes we have been sitting in silence.

'Do you think I was too annoying?' she finally asked.

I sighed. Alice read my answer as 'yes'.

'Damn, I thought I had predicted everything! Old Bella would never take offence for too long.'

'She's not our Bella anymore. You just forgot about that'.

She grimaced.

'Bella became rude too. She shouldn't have spoken with you like that'.

'I really appreciate your care about me, but it was unnecessary', I said quietly. 'I deserved this'.

That was weird. We both loved Bella so much. And we had no idea how to behave toward her now.

'We both are idiots', I said.

' _You're_ an idiot', Alice corrected me. 'I'm just following your path'.

I laughed.

'I know. I hurried', Alice added. 'But the future was so promising. It was worthy to try!'

I looked at her. What was she talking about?

Alice just realized what she had said. Sister glanced at me and looked away.

Damn, she was hiding something!

'What did you see?' I demanded. My voice was trembling.

'I can show you that, bit it's not the vision, only memory now…' Alice said, giving up.

The picture was very unclear. At first I couldn't understand anything. Finally I recognized the place in sister's vision. It was the meadow, _our_ meadow with Bella. I could see myself sitting on the green grass. Looking hard, I noticed that I wasn't alone there. Bella sat beside me. She was… smiling?

How could it be possible? It was changing everything. That's why Alice hurried. She was trying to shorten my way to a perfect future.

'Why didn't you want to show it to me?' I asked, puzzled.

'It's obvious, Edward. You're such a drama queen. _Don't look for Bella's future_ ', she imitated my voice. ' _Let Bella live her own life._ The two of you are really made for each other. You and Bella can do everything trying to destroy your lives by yourself.'

'Do you think it's possible?'

I still couldn't believe it. The vision was so blurred…

Alice shrugged.

'I don't know. Maybe it will come true, maybe it won't. I won't see it clearly until you start doing _something_ '.

I sighed. Probably my sisters were right. I have never been optimistic, but... that vision was so beautiful. I wished I could have that moment in reality.

'Esme and I will go to the hospital tomorrow', Alice continued. 'You could join us and see all what you need through our eyes. Moreover, you will have a chance to learn more about Bella's husband. He would be there too.'

I started to worry. I wasn't sure I could compete with Bella's husband. She chose him. When we met, David hasn't noticed me at all, confusing me with a teenager, with a kid. I didn't like it. I needed to look more mature.

I needed to ask Alice's help. She saw a new vision before I pronounced my question. She smiled.

'Good idea, finally! I'll be happy to change your style. Moreover, it'll help me to become reconciled with Esme. She will forgive me if I start helping you.'

We got up.

'I hope we can make that vision possible', Alice promised, serious again. 'I love Bella too. And I want old Bella back. I missed her so much…'

But we couldn't return our Bella. There came a time to accept all mistakes. To start a new chapter of our lives. All what we could do now was to learn more about new Bella.

I sighed and made a first step to the future.

* * *

* Take no repulse, whatever she doth say; For 'get you gone,' she doth not mean 'away.' (W. Shakespeare)


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14. Wuthering Heights

Time flied. Last seven years were slow; the time was so weak that, being numbness, I almost forgot about it. Now it was making up leeway. My hospital room was full of visitors. Their faces, human and deadly white, replaced each other at enormous speed. I felt giddy, just like after a ride on the merry-go-round.

The Cullens kept trying to make my life easier. Carlisle was accurate and polite. He charmed my parents again. Due to the doctor's advice, they stopped sitting beside me all the time. That was good. I was very grateful for that. Esme's visit softened me up too. When we first met, I compared her with a beautiful perfect Snow White. To my surprise she still looked like a princess from my child dreams. Esme's kindness seemed to be real. Moreover, she had a conversation with Mom. I had no idea what they had been talking about, but Renee looked relieved after that.

Alice came back in the early morning, soon after breakfast. She looked disappointed.

'Good morning, Bella. Are you awake?' Alice said politely, her face full of pain. 'I need to talk to you'.

I was surprised. What happened? Usual Alice, _my_ Alice wouldn't be so tactful. She would start speaking fast and make me play the role of her toy. But she was different today. Alice froze near the door, turning around as if somebody was listening to her.

'What happened?' I asked, aloud this time. Alice was gulping back her sobs. My heart sank. She looked so unhappy that I wanted to comfort her.

'I came here to apologize', she sighed. Another quick glance to the corridor. Alice was shifting from one foot to the other. 'I was too rude to you, I'm afraid'.

It wasn't my Alice.

'Somebody made you do that. Am I right?' I guessed.

She sighed again.

'Yes', Alice made a first step to my side, her look still serious. 'Am I so predictable?' she complained.

I grinned.

'No. But it's not you. That's… weird', I said honestly.

She smiled, but her smile was tired, forced.

'Too many changes in a very short time, right?'

I didn't want to be angry with her anymore. I was empty, and I didn't want to fill that emptiness with hate or pain. In the end, it was so childish - keep bearing a grudge.

'Sort of. Are you reading my mind?' I joked.

She didn't like it. Alice sat on the bed.

'Tell me, Bella. Are you mad at me?' she looked me in the eyes. I had to obey. Alice's eyes were deep and dark. 'Do you want me to leave? I'm so tired of this uncertainty! Say what you want, but just stop being mad at me!'

Poor Alice. She was unhappy. Alice was rubbing her temples, trying to calm dawn. Interesting, how was that – to suffer from constant visions? It must feel like you have a headache all the time, day after day. You don't belong to yourself anymore.

'I'm not mad at you', I said. 'I… I don't want to. I'm tired of this too, Alice. You can be awful, but you're not my enemy.'

Alice's face softened.

'Do you forgive me?' she asked. I hid a smile.

'I have no choice, I'm afraid'.

She started to clap her hands. I laughed. Alice turned into a child again.

'Bella forgives me, Bella forgives me,' she was singing. Alice hugged me so tight that I wasn't able to breath. 'Thank you, Bella. I needed to hear these words', her speech returned to her usual speed. 'Esme is so angry with me. She made me return to you and apologize'.

'I thought your sorry was real'.

'It was', she protested immediately, looking at me again. 'I wasn't trying to dazzle you at all! Esme forbid me to manipulate you. Her requirements were very clear'.

I shook my head.

'Now I can see my Alice again'.

'Sad that I can't say the same', she whispered. Alice looked so fragile now. 'I'm sorry, Bella. I wish I could return the time that we had lost.'

I sighed. I was in such a good mood. I didn't want to go back to black again…

'Let's stop speaking about it, okay?' I asked. My voice broke. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to speak. I was staring at Alice, hoping that she would read my face.

We were close to reach the point of reunion. I could have my best friend again. I could have my Alice. I could be myself. A sudden joy filled my body, filled my big open hole in my chest. I began changing too. It wasn't as difficult as I thought. It could be pleasant. I just forgot about that.

'Bella?'

How much time have I spent thinking about my conversation with Alice? I looked up and saw David. He has visited me already, but his visit was short. Dave hesitated near the door. Dave's worry was clear, more obvious than Alice's behavior. Dave didn't pretend.

I smiled at him. It reminded me of good days with David. I was really glad to see him, even if the situation was a bit awkward.

Dave smiled back, happy too. A familiar glitter appeared inside of his eyes.

'Come in', I said, encouraging him. The necessity to comfort Dave drove me crazy in the past, but I didn't want to think about it either.

'I thought I'd never be able to talk to you. You're so busy. Just like Queen, or something like that'.

His simple joke made me smile. Dave sat on the corner of my bed.

'Who are all these people, by the way? Your parents seem to know them,' he asked, frowning. The perfect easiness vanished from Dave's face. I didn't like it. He seemed hiding something. That question wasn't so simple. I knew everything about Dave.

'It's the Cullen family', I explained. The mentioning of their last name didn't hurt me anymore. It was a good change too. 'They lived in Forks. Carlisle is one of my doctors now. And I went to school with his kids.'

I bet my lip, unaware what else I could say about the Cullens. Dave frowned again. His expression made him look much elder than David actually was. I was wondering what he has stared to guess. Did he know how much I've been hiding from him?

I sighed. My cheeks turned red. A true evidence of my shame.

Easiness vanished into thin air.

Dave tried to change the subject.

'It must be so irritating for you', he said after some pause. 'So much attention. So many people.'

'Yes. It confuses me', I liked the idea of speaking about something else.

He nodded and smiled again. I felt relieved. That was the guy I always liked. The guy I married. _My_ Dave. He didn't ask too many questions. I wasn't sure that Dave could understand everything what was happening inside of my head. He definitely knew nothing about my soul. But Dave knew how to deal with it.

It reminded me of something. Something I almost forgot. Something written in a book, something old. I turned my head to the bedside table. Charlie fulfilled his promise. A few paperback books lied on it.

I read its names quickly and soon found what I wanted. Wuthering Heights. Of course. Dave was my Linton, my loyal, calm, simple Linton. And Cathy stole his soul...

My heart missed a beat.

'I've heard you will return to Forks. Is it true?'

A new question revived me from my thoughts. I looked at Dave.

'Yes', I said in a weak voice. The image of Linton was flashing before my eyes.

'What are your doctors saying? Isn't it dangerous?' Dave seemed not to notice my anxiety.

 _Calm down_ , said I in my thoughts. _You need to be normal, remember?_

'They let me come home next week, but the process of healing hasn't finished yet,' I explained.

I didn't say anything about the Cullens' return too. I was coward, I know.

Dave looked down, pretending to examine my blanket.

'Everything has changed so fast', he pronounced quickly. 'I didn't expect that. I thought we would have more time'.

He was thinking about time too. Everyone seemed thinking about that. Seconds, minutes and hours that composed our lives.

'Time for what?' I was surprised how my voice began to sound. It changed its color in a second. My voice sounded confident, a bit rough.

Dave still pretended to examine the thin boring blanket.

'Nothing. Never mind. Forget about that'.

He was backing away. I felt a sudden anger, strong and powerful. I forgot why Dave had irritated me in the past. My Linton was happy to please me, but his concern was so annoying sometimes. I looked at Dave again, remembering. Alice was trying to warn me about something when she has visited me for the first time…

A gold ring glittered on the light. I felt sick.

'Hmm… Can I ask about something?'

David looked up, ready to help with anything. His look made me feel even worse. When we met, I was tired of being strong, and Dave really helped me. But he always needed encouragement, needed to have something in exchange. I was too selfish for that. My poor Linton. I wished he could meet someone really strong one day…

'Did you send the documents to the court? The ones I signed before the accident?'

Technically, we still were married.

Dave didn't say anything.

'Did you send the documents, David?' I asked again.

I turned into monster. I was Cathy. The girl who was breaking hearts.

Dave looked me in the eyes. His pain was simple, sharp, like an open wound.

'I didn't. I was planning to do it, but then you got into accident, and I thought…' he stammered. 'I thought that, probably, I shouldn't hurry. It could be a good sign, you know…'

Dave shrugged. His voice was quiet. He was hiding his eyes again.

The desire of losing my temper was so sweet. I looked at Dave again. He was so hopeless. I sighed. The came a time for me to grow up too. I needed to be strong with Dave. Cut it out. Draw the final line.

'You need to send them, David', I answered, making my voice sound softer. 'Okay?'

Our eyes met. Finally, David nodded.

'Well, can I, at least, phone you sometimes?' he asked before leaving. Dave was pretending to look confident, but it didn't work. I nodded.

We both knew that we lied to each other. Last promises have a bitter taste.

The nurse sedated me in the late evening. My dream was heavy. I couldn't recognize anything in the haze that surrounded me. I was searching for something again, but the road was too vague.

I woke up, feeling someone's stare at me. My heart was pounding.

I examined the room. I was alone. It was just a dream…

I shook my head, trying to wake up.

I looked around again and then noticed something strange. I had a feeling that my books had been removed.

* * *

A new day has started. As was planned, Esme, Alice and I came to the hospital. Everybody had his own work to do. Esme wanted to talk to Renee. Her kindness and sincere care could be very helpful. Moreover, Mom wanted to keep an eye on Alice. She didn't trust her although they had become reconciled in the evening.

'I'm not a child anymore', Alice was complaining, while we were driving to the medical center. 'It's not fair!'

'I'll be listening', Esme warned her. 'Please, pull yourself together'.

Alice grimaced.

I had my own plans too. Alice predicted that Bella's husband, Dave, would be here today. Her vision was quite clear. David seemed to plan that visit for a very long time. Our conversation could be really helpful. I could see the moment of Dave and Bella's meeting and separation. I could see the moments that I had missed. I could finally solve the puzzle.

But Mom and Alice had to play their parts first. Dave hasn't arrived to the center yet. I stayed in the car, watching my mother and sister leave.

The hall was overcrowded. It was difficult to get used to that. We preferred to live in small towns, and such kind of places looked weird for us. I concentrated, catching familiar mental voices inside of my head. I needed to be attentive. I also had to read what people were thinking of us. My family members were risking their lives. I needed to repay that debt.

 _What a lovely girl!_ an old lady thought when Alice helped her walk down the stairs. I sighed. I knew what my little sister was doing. Alice was trying to impress Esme.

In contrast to visitors, the hospital staff wasn't surprised to see Alice and Mom at all.

 _The Cullens again_ , someone thought, half irritated. I frowned, looking deeply into the nurse's thoughts. She managed to learn our last name, but she didn't like us. I was searching for the reason for it. It could be useful. Perhaps, we needed to be more careful…

 _They're so good looking and accurate all the time. How are they doing this?_ she continued. The nurse didn't say hi, pretending not to notice the guests at all.

I breathed out. It was an ordinary jealousy, nothing else. But, probably, I needed to warn Carlisle about it. Just in case. Jealousy can be dangerous when it falls into wrong hands.

I remembered the nurse's name and focused on my family again. Esme and Alice have already divided. My sister was going to speak with Bella, while Esme went to the cafeteria, following Renee's smell. Being a vampire was very useful sometimes.

Renee was alone, sitting on the plastic chair, stirring sugar in her coffee. Esme breathed in. The coffee was cold.

'Hi, Renee!' she said, making her voice sound milder. 'May I take a seat?'

Renee shivered. She shook her head, looked up and finally noticed Mom. A smile appeared on her tired face.

'Esme! Of course. I'll be glad'.

Esme looked at her side of the table. She felt a late sorry that she hadn't ordered anything. It would look strange. After some hesitation that lasted less that a second Mon decided that the situation wasn't so bad. Esme could say that she first came to greet Renee and simply forgot about the food. It sounded like a typical human mistake.

'Where's Charlie?' asked Mom. She didn't like Renee's expression.

'Oh, I replaced him. He looked so tired. I hope Charlie'll feel better when they return to Forks. '

Esme nodded.

'I'm sorry that you have to return to Forks too', Renee added. 'Carlisle told me about it', she explained.

Esme smiled. She had different kinds of smile. That one meant: 'you shouldn't worry about anything'.

'It's okay. We all love Bella. Her recovery is all what we need to think about'.

'Yeah…' Renee pronounced. Her face changed. It was turning red. She was trying to make a deep breath, but seemed not to feel the air. Esme and were confused. What was happening? Was Renee feeling bad?

No, not like that. Esme was going to help Renee when Bella's mother burst into tears.

'I'm such a bad mother!' she cried.

Esme touched her hand. Renee didn't feel any discomfort.

'Don't say that! You're an excellent mother! Bella loves you so much!'

Renee grimaced. She was searching for the napkin. Esme noticed that and gave it immediately.

'Well, I don't know', Renee's voice was quite. 'She is so close to Charlie now. They understand each other without any word. We've never had that.'

'Bella is very like Charlie,' Esme said. It was pointless not to admit that, 'but you shouldn't think about it like this. Bella spends all of her time with Charlie. That's why they became closer to each other'.

Renee shook her head. Her hands were shaking.

'I feel sorry for sending Bella to Forks. She thinks that she has made her own choice, but we all know the truth', Renee's cheeks were crimson. 'I should have done something, should have stopped her. And Bella is so unhappy now. That's my fault'.

Renee looked awful. She was hiding much more than was trying to show. Her pain was colorful, strong, like child's pain. When you're grown up, you get used to the pain. But if you're not, everything hurts just like for the first time. That kind of pain leaves burns.

I knew what Renee was talking about. Sometimes I was thinking about it too. It would be much better for Bella not to go to Forks. She could stay at Arisona and leave a happy life, taking care of her strange mother and making phone calls to Charlie at Christmas.

'Bella's young. She still has time to change everything', Esme was comforting her. 'Trust me. I know what I'm talking about'.

Of course, Esme did. She started a new life when Carlisle found her.

'I don't know. I'm not sure about that. I'm trying to be optimistic, of course… But Bella's repeating Charlie's lonely life. She is stuck there, in that cold and green. And I don't understand her anymore. What is Bella thinking about? And that marriage… Sometimes I think that she did it in order to spite me. It's my fault too.'

'You shouldn't blame yourself for everything', said Esme. Her heart was full of pain. 'Bella's your child, but she's grown up now. It's her time to make mistakes. Don't worry. She still has time to rebuild her life.'

Renee nodded.

These words were circling inside of my head until the moment when I found Dave in a waiting room. I was nervous, feeling like I wasn't prepared for this. Everybody felt such a strong pain, such a bright regret. I was going to listen it again.

Now I regretted having the ability to read minds.

'Excuse me… Do you mind if I join you?'

I stood in front of him, waiting for the answer.

Dave was thinking about Bella. He wanted to visit her, but the doctors were examining her at the moment. Dave had to wait.

'No problem', he said quietly, without looking at me.

Dave's hands were full of calluses and old scars. He smelled of wood. The puzzle was almost solved. He was a workman. Probably, a carpenter. Not very popular choice. A family business, I guessed.

'I'm Edward Cullen', I've decided to introduce myself. 'We're already met. Do you remember me?'

He glanced at me finally. A recognition appeared on Dave's face. He nodded.

'You know Charlie', he said.

'I know Bella, actually', I corrected him, smiling. I definitely wasn't Charlie's friend. 'We studied at school together'.

Dave looked at me again. I didn't look like a teenager anymore. My new look confused people now. I still looked young, but they had to take me seriously. Perhaps, I should thank my sister for that.

'I'm sorry… You look so young', he said, frowning. 'Bella has never told me about you'.

Of course, she hasn't.

 _Cullen_ , Dave was thinking, trying to remember my name. He didn't like that Bella hid something from him. A mixture of anxiety and discomfort appeared inside of his head.

'Are you Bella's husband?' I asked. Dave wasn't a big talker. Bella must have considered it to be an advantage.

Dave glanced at his ring.

'Yes. No... Not exactly', he answered. It was difficult for him to explain everything. I was patient, waiting for the answer. 'We are in the process of divorce.'

'I'm sorry to hear that'.

Actually, I didn't.

David sighed.

'She was driving home from my house that night, you know', he said quietly. 'Hurried to sign the papers. I promised to send them to the court the next day, on Monday'.

But he didn't, I guessed again. Probably, I shouldn't pronounce in aloud.

'I think it's my fault', Dave added. 'I should have stopped her. Persuade to come home later.'

I recalled the moment when I found out about Bella's accident. I felt blame. And Dave felt blame too. He really cared about her. Another advantage, but I had it too. Drawn game.

'The weather was too bad. You shouldn't blame yourself for that'.

I realized the difference between us. I was ready to move on. He didn't.

'When did you meet?' I asked, coming back to my list of questions.

Dave looked relieved. He smiled. The feeling of nostalgia was one of his favourite hobbies. I saw it inside of his mind. What a melodramatic guy… well, nobody could win with that.

Dave was thinking about his first conversation with Bella.

'We met a few years ago. I finished my work and went to a café not far away from my house…'

I saw a dark room. Uncomfortable chairs. The smell of biscuits and coffee. The murmur of visitors.

'I looked around, and then noticed the girl who took the place in the corner of the café. She was alone. The place was overcrowded at that time; I didn't know where to sit, so I've decided to try my luck…'

How banal. The meeting at a snack bar.

Bella looked deadly tired. When the guy came closer, he realized that Bella was reading something. Or she was pretending to read. He was too polite to stare and find out the truth.

What was she reading? I was surprised that he still didn't care. That detail seemed unimportant to him. He was so delicate. I kept thinking about that when Dave recalled another moment. He asked some question. Bella shivered, noticing the guy at last, and closed the book as if she was too ashamed to show it.

I recognized Bella's old edition of 'Wuthering Heights' _._ Paperback, few pages detached, but she hasn't brought a new one. I always hated that book. I could never understand main characters, Heathcliff especially. Everybody liked him. But he was a monster…

Dave kept telling me about their first meeting. I was watching his memories. It's like watching the movies, but you also can see the veil of different feelings. It makes the picture more colorful.

Dave took his place, examining the new girl. He had got the idea that she had some secret; Bella was hiding something that he couldn't reach. I shook my head. Unable to read Bella's mind, I felt exactly the same…

Dave began asking questions. Very simple ones. Ordinary. He wanted to cheer the girl up. At the same time David worried that he could ask something wrong and hurt her. Dave hesitated before every question. At first Bella wasn't interested in chatting, but long pauses seemed to remind her of something. The conversation was awkward, and it reminded me of something too. But what?

And then I remembered. _Wuthering Heights_ again _._ She was Cathy, an unexpected guest in Linton's house. And he was Linton, very polite, accurate, happy to please. Yes, it was him. And she was Cathy, who broke his heart.

I clenched my teeth. I knew what character I was playing in that story.

'I wished I could make her smile. And her eyes… they were empty. Bella didn't care about anything. I was afraid of it. I didn't want to see that again.'

There was something that Dave hasn't said aloud. He really liked her. In Dave's opinion, Bella was different. Not like the girls he knew. David thought that their meeting was a good sign. He was very superstitious.

'It's silly, I know', Dave said after a long pause. 'I should let her go. But when I see Bella looking so defenseless, so fragile, I still think that we still have time. And I start hesitating... I know it's bad, but I can't change it'.

He was honest with me. It's always like that. It's easier to be frank with the person you'll never meet again.

I started being impatient. Bella must be so irritated by him. It's not an advantage for Dave, definitely. It was his weak point.

The nurse arrived soon, announcing that Bella was ready to see her visitor. Dave left. I was sitting in the waiting room, listening to his conversation with Bella. My point of view seemed to come true. Everything was clear now. Dave hasn't had a chance to know Bella. She didn't let him.

All what I needed to do was to be confident. To be strong. I didn't have time for self-pitying. I didn't have time for offense or regret. I didn't want to be Heathcliff who lost his Cathy.

The nurse sedated Bella when all her visitors had gone. Unnoticed, I went to her room and started to watch her sleep. I couldn't stop doing that. It was so catchy. The tradition I always liked.

I've noticed the pile of books on Bella's bedside table. A curiosity, strong and confident, woke up somewhere inside of me. I wasn't able to read Bella's mind, but I could try to guess what she was thinking when she met Dave.

It wasn't difficult to find the right book. The tattered one. I held out my hand. The book opened in the middle. I caught a sheet of paper folded in two.

To my surprise it was the copy of the document, the note from the hospital journal. Its name sounded familiar, but I haven't recognized it at first. Then I found Carlisle's handwriting, accurate and clear.

I froze. I was shocked to find my name there too. My old name, my human name. _Edward Anthony Mason._ I finally realized that I was reading the analog of a death certificate. That's why the name of the hospital was familiar to me. I was its patient almost a century ago.

I looked at Bella. It has changed everything. Her words meant nothing. She has been searching for me…

'You're such a liar…' I murmured.

Bella shivered. I looked at her again, measuring her pulse. Bella's dream was going to its end. She was waking up.

Bella shouldn't find me here. Not now. Still shocked and confused, I put the book on the table and left the room. My running was fast, almost invisible. I didn't have time to check if everything was left on its place.

I was quite sure that I would return here to secure Bella's dream at night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15. Changing**

Few next days passed quickly. The staff has been preparing me for transportation to Forks. I needed to do as many tests as possible; my doctors and nurses became my constant visitors. Nervousness filled my whole body.

'You shouldn't worry, Bella', said Carlisle in a mild tone, listening to my heart. 'How are you feeling?' his expression changed in a second, reflecting my fear. 'It's not too late to cancel everything.'

I shook my head.

'I'm fine. Just a bit nervous, that's all'.

The doctor smiled. Carlisle's eyes were dark, almost black. The circles under his eyes were purple. He has been too busy for the last days and didn't have time for hunting. Carlisle was thirsty because of concern for me. That thought made me feel even worse.

'The road won't take too much time,' Carlisle continued. 'You'll be at home very soon. Just think about it. And breath, Bella', he added. 'Everything's going to be okay. There's nothing to worry about'.

After a long conversation I persuaded Mom to go home. Phil has been waiting for her in Jacksonville. She didn't have to stay with me. I had Alice. And Carlisle. And Dad. Everything would be okay.

'Are you sure about that?' asked Mom again. She looked relieved. We both knew the truth, but we needed to be polite. Just like a normal family.

We were alone in the room. Charlie left us in the beginning of our conversation. He went downstairs, to the cafeteria, leaving some privacy for us.

'Yes. I'll be fine. Don't miss the heat because of me.'

Renee laughed.

'I always forget how mature you are', she said, touching my cheek. Her touch was hot. 'My wise child. It's always hard to be a mother for you. You're much stronger than me.'

I looked at Mom. After all these years Renee has changed too. She looked older, but her eyes were still smiling. She was a child, not me…

Her naive, open stare wrung my heart. We would never become normal again. We're doomed to divide out lives into different parts. Jacksonville. Forks. Some part of me was going to fly away with Mom, but I would never belong to that place anymore.

'I love you, Mom', said I, trying to save that moment in my memory. I didn't know why, but I felt that I needed to do this.

'Oh, I love you too, honey', Mom's voice broke. She hugged me.

'Take care of yourself. Or let Phil take care of you,' I whispered. It's always like that. Only a quiet whisper. When your feelings are too strong, your voice betrays you first.

'I will', said Mom with a smile. She rubbed sudden tears away. Her face turned red. 'And you need to look after Charlie. Phone me when you get home, okay? I'll worry.'

Mom returned to Jacksonville a day before our departure. The conversation with Dave gave its results too. He stopped visiting or phoning. Dave needed to start changing. There came a time for changing for all of us. No exception.

We all could be free now.

Everything was ready. The room was empty without my books and clothes. It made feel anxious again. The walls looked clear, much brighter than they have ever been. I had nothing to do. Just like Charlie, who was sitting on the edge of my bed, examining the room's floor. Carlisle has already gone. He helped me to sit in a wheelchair a few minutes before Charlie's arrival. It was the easiest way to help everyone. I couldn't imagine the moment when Dad would start helping me sit in the chair. It's too awkward. Carlisle was a better variant for that.

Dad seemed to know it too. He didn't say anything, but I've noticed his relief.

'It's cold today,' said Charlie, driving my chair to the door, when the nurse let us go.

'Alice gave me a warm coat'.

I couldn't see Charlie's face, but imagined him smiling.

'That's great. I would never think about that,' he said honestly.

I smiled. Alice couldn't be wrong. She predicted changes in the weather three days before our departure.

'Alice is a nice girl,' Dad continued. 'And she helps us a lot. I'm glad that you both have found each other again. It's always great when you have somebody who has known you since an early age.'

Charlie meant Alice, of course, but I imagined somebody else. A boy with a strange bronze – colored hair sitting in the corner of the cafeteria...

Seattle's last goodbye was cold, but I felt better when we went outside. I was easier to breath, easier to think here. I felt relieved. I was leaving sickness, and pain, and long-kept fears here, in Seattle. Old Bella was dead. New Bella was going home now.

Carlisle prepared a special car for us. The staff helped me get in. Charlie seat near. Nobody spoke. Dad and I were looking out of the window. Silence was good and comfortable, and I got an idea that I had made the right decision on staying with Charlie. We were the same. We didn't need any words. No explanations. We didn't need to spend time, arguing. My life was much simpler when Charlie was in it.

A few hours later familiar places began to flash before my eyes. I felt a sudden eagerness and desire to drive faster. I was almost home. Everything would be okay now.

I thought we were driving to Forks Hospital, but instead of that we stopped in front of Charlie's house. Nobody said a word about that.

'What happened?' I asked. 'Did you forget anything at home?'

The door opened, and the light blinded me for a second. A turned my head to Dad's side. He looked… confused?

'Well…' he cleared his throat. 'I think I need to tell you something.'

'Tell what?'

Charlie frowned.

'Carlisle and I had a conversation and we decided… Well, he decided that it would be better for you to stay at home. The hospital is too small. It's doesn't make any advantage for you to stay there.'

That's why Carlisle left so early. He needed to prepare everything. The doctor was very, very busy…

'Everything is fine, Bella,' Charlie continued. He knew that I would be disappointed. 'We prepared the house for your arrival. Don't worry about it.'

 _We_? I sighed, realizing who played the main role in it.

 _Alice._ I shook my head. _We_ would have to talk about it later.

Everything was clean and neat in the house. Alice must have done general cleaning. My room looked big, too bright and empty. Curtains were new, perfectly white. The room was still mine, but it looked strange at the same time. It has never been so neat before. I wasn't a slob, but I was incapable of competing against Alice.

Déjà vu again. I was a stranger in my own room. I looked around, searching something familiar to me. The window was half-open. My old rocking chair still stood in the corner of the room. Edward was watching my sleep, sitting there, not far from my bed. Strange. I was returning to him again and again today. I forgot how much reminded me about Edward.

* * *

It stopped raining at night, and the sky was grey. I was watching clouds when a familiar voice made me turn around.

'Good morning!' Alice sang, entering the room. I glanced at the watch. 8 A.M. Charlie has already gone. Alice and Dad made some sort of schedule. He could return to work, while Alice promised to take care of me in his absence. Everyone was happy, and even I didn't have anything against it. It was better to spend day at home with Alice than to stare at the wall in the hospital room.

I noticed a big tray of food and rolled my eyes.

'What?' Alice looked at the trey, examining breakfast carefully. 'Carlisle says you need take a lot of calcium and zinc. It's for your bones' recovery!'

'It's too much', said I, sitting on the bed. 'And it looks like it's your house, not mine!'

Alice laughed, leaving the tray on my bed.

'Yeah. I had a lot of fun while tidying up your room'.

I looked at her, blushing. My look wasn't kind at all. Alice noticed my expression.

'C'mon, Bella! Charlie didn't mind!' she said quickly. 'He was sick of the idea of cleaning the house', she added. 'He's already gone, by the way. Charlie really missed work.'

'I'm glad that Dad's life returns to normal,' said I, gulping down tea. I couldn't resist hunger anymore. My breakfast smelled really nice.

'I thought you would like it', Alice said, examining the room. She sat in a rocking chair. Edward's chair. I shivered. I needed to change the subject…

'I like it. But it's not my room,' said I, focusing on the answer. 'You haven't thrown anything out, have you?'

Alice laughed again.

'No. Charlie and I decided that you'd be disappointed. You're so boring, Bella. You're not ready for big changes.'

I continued eating, Alice – trying to find a speck of dust in the room. The breakfast was good, actually. I haven't realized how hungry I was until I began to eat.

I glanced at the window again, recalling Edward's face in my mind. The image was blurred. I haven't seen him for a very long time.

 _I come here almost every night._

 _Why?_

 _You're interesting when you sleep._

I looked down, promising myself to stop thinking about him.

Then I looked at Alice. I had a question for her, and she definitely knew the answer. She also knew what I wanted to ask. I had no chance to lie to her, but I could pretend being honest. Alice knew that too.

I made a deep breath.

'Alice... Can I ask you about something?'

She stared back. Of course, she has already known my question. Alice could easily predict such kind of things. But she didn't show it anyhow. Alice's face was blank, impossible to read.

'Sure', she said, her voice sounded casually. 'What did you want to know?'

I made another unnecessary breath.

'Has Edward asked anything about me?'

If Alice read my anxiety, she pretended not to notice that.

'He can read our minds, Bella,' she said, half tired, half irritated. 'Edward knows everything even if he doesn't want to'.

She pronounced it too carelessly, in my opinion.

'How is he?' I asked again, surprised, how easy it could sound. Like I really missed him.

Alice smiled. Her smile was kind, generous, very charming. And very annoying at the same.

'Edward is changing', she said. 'I bet he'll surprise you when you meet him.'

What did she mean – Edward is changing? I was confused. The answer was weird, but it intrigued me. Alice's smile widened.

'I can't imagine that,' I said honestly. My life was usual, normal, extremely boring. And it would always be. Edward was my last impossible dream. He was only a ghost. Everything was falling into place now.

I felt a late sorry for starting that conversation. I was dazzled, fooled. It wasn't me. I shouldn't think about him, shouldn't think…

Alice still smiled, reminding of my mistake. It made me angry. But I shouldn't give up so easily. I couldn't let Alice made me think about Edward. I'm not thinking about him. Not thinking about him…

I new idea struck my mind. Perhaps, Alice's help wasn't needed. Perhaps, I was missing Edward already. I was just too afraid to confess it.

Heat touched my cheeks. I looked down, returning to my cold breakfast. It has lost its taste.

* * *

We didn't return to that conversation anymore. Alice was noisy, but I was ready to deal with it. Charlie spent the whole day at work and came home in the evening, always in a good mood. His life returned to normal again, and I was happy to see him happy.

I had good news too. I was feeling better. Carlisle visited me everyday, checking my condition and leaving new instructions for Alice, who turned into my personal nurse.

That morning was perfect. Silent. I glanced at the clock, checking time. The house was empty. Carlisle was going to arrive soon. He planned to take off my cast today. It wouldn't take too much time. Alice promised to arrive here when he finished.

I glanced at the clock again. To my surprise, Carlisle was seven minutes late. He was so punctual. What happened?

He still hasn't arrived a half hour later. Alice was absent too. There was no reason to worry, but I couldn't stop thinking that something bad had happened. What if I was the only person who was sitting here, inside of the house, and hasn't heard anything yet?

Somebody cleared his throat quietly. I shivered and turned my head to the door. An unexpected guest was standing on the threshold.

It was impossible. I blinked, but he still was there.

It was Edward.

When have we seen each other for the last time? It was ages ago. Centuries. Thousands of years. I forgot how gorgeous he was. Did Edward always been so… dazzling?

'Hi, Bella', his melodic voice reminded me that our conversation was real. 'I came here to replace Carlisle. He said he had promised to take your cast off.'

Was he going to cure me? What a strange dream…

I nodded. My voice was still lost.

Edward's stile has changed. Now I could see what Alice has been talking about. His new deep blue shirt suited him, making him look older. Edward was a stranger for me again. He wasn't _my_ Edward. But who was he now?

'Something happened?' I asked in a weak tone.

Edward shook his head, smiling. His smile dazzled me. I lost my thoughts again.

'Nothing to worry about', he came closer. His moves were slow, just like he was human. 'It's good news, actually,' he added.

I stared at him.

'Carlisle is needed at the hospital', he explained. 'Angela Weber is delivering now.'

Other people had their own lives. They married. Had kids. I just forgot about that. The Earth didn't revolve around me all the time.

'Oh... I completely forgot about that,' I murmured. 'How's she?'

'Carlisle is very optimistic. I'm sure she'll be fine'.

'Great,' I didn't know what to say. My head was empty.

'May I…?' asked Edward, pointing at my cast. The situation was awkward, we both knew it. I blushed.

'Yes', my voice trembled, betraying me again.

I was wearing an old T-shirt and shorts. They looked clean, but I was confused. My cheeks were burning. I have never imagined anything like that…

'You can wait for Carlisle, if you wish', Edward said softly, noticing my anxiety.

Our eyes met, and I lost myself in them immediately. The time has stopped. His eyes were light, but very deep. I stopped breathing.

'No, it's fine', I said quickly. Too quickly. What was I thinking about?

'I won't hurt you', Edward's voice sounded like music. 'It won't take much time'.

I nodded again. Edward came a bit closer. I went hot and cold all over.

'Angela has a nice son', Edward continued the conversation. He wanted to sound casually, but I've guessed that he worried too.

'Did you see him?'

'Not exactly', he said evasively, laughing.

I smiled. Of course. Edward saw the boy's image in someone's mind.

'Sorry for all of that', Edward's work was fast. He knew what he was doing. I remembered the he had assisted Carlisle in the past.

'Alice went hunting with Jasper at night. She hasn't seen anything special in her visions. Alice thought that Angela would deliver in the late evening. It wasn't planned… sorry.'

He touched my bare skin. I shivered, unaware if I felt that cold. I felt only heat, nothing more.

'I'm finished', Edward added quickly, returning to work. He was right. My leg was free from the cast.

'You leg is swollen, but it's quite normal. You need to learn walking again. Alice is eager to help you with that. If she…'

'I shouldn't be annoying or irritating. Bella knows that', another melodic voice made us jump.

Alice was watching us, smiling, as if she caught us making something inappropriate. I looked away. Could I stop blushing?

Edward sighed, listening to her thoughts. He rolled his eyes and then turned to me.

'If Alice breaks any rule you can complain to Carlisle about that', he said quietly. 'Esme knows how to fix it'.

There came Alice's turn to sigh. I smiled.

'Get well soon, Bella', said Edward, looking at me before leaving. His stare was real, almost visible. I looked back at him. It was so strange. Our conversation was normal. This new Edward was so unusual for me…

Everything happened so fast that I couldn't believe in it. Edward left, but I kept looking at the door, shocked and confused.

'So, are you ready for your first step?' Alice voice distracted me. Her eyes were shining. She was almost laughing.

My first step was the last thing I was thinking right now.

* * *

 **20 September 2017.** I missed a few mistakes when published the chapter for the first time (thanks for mentioning that in your comments). I've corrected them now. The chapter hasn't changed much. Thanks for your help!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16. Unexpected**

"… Yes. I love you too, Mom. Bye!'

My right ear was burning. I haven't spoken with Renee for almost a week. It was a long conversation. Mom asked dozens of various questions. It wasn't easy for me to respond to them. My thoughts were mixed up in my head, and every word was heavy, difficult to find.

She worried, of course, so I needed to be patient. And I was. Renee and I have been talking for almost an hour. I had to tell her everything I could remember. What I was doing. How my rehabilitation was going on. What exercises I needed to do. What Carlisle said about my leg...

I threw the phone on the blanket.

"I'm tired," I said.

Alice went bonkers. Forty minutes passed, but she has already cleaned the whole house, learned to cook pasta for Charlie and reorganized my bookshelf. Time was running really slow for her. The morning wasn't over yet, but Alice was already bored.

Now she froze in front of an open wardrobe, examining my clothes. It was half empty. A few lonely clothes hangers looked pitiful inside of it. To be frank, I couldn't remember the last time when I had bought anything new.

I couldn't see her face, but I knew how Alice looked like. She was unhappy. Clothes meant everything to Alice, and she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Are you sure that's all you have?" she asked, without hiding her shock. Her voice sounded high, too abnormal for my ears.

"Yes," I answered. "It's enough. Actually, normal people don't like clothes like you."

"I've never heard about that," Alice looked at me. Her face turned into a beautiful but weird mask. She was a sad porcelain doll. "Don't you want to refresh your style a bit?" she suggested. "Just a little? There is so much empty space in your wardrobe! It would be great to fill it with beautiful skirts, and dresses, and shirts..."

I shook my head.

"No. Don't even dare."

Alice froze, watching the future and trying to find a loophole that could let her play her own game. But I wasn't going to give up so easily.

Alice sighed, noticing my confidence. It ruined all her plans.

"You're losing so much, Bella," she said, closing the wardrobe's doors. "Any girl would sacrifice everything trying to be special."

I looked up, amazed. What was that? A part of a new plan I haven't guessed yet?

"I never wanted to be special. Or popular. You're exaggerating, Alice."

I thought she was still standing in front of my wardrobe, but Alice has already moved to another place. I found her sitting in the rocking chair, her pose relaxed and calm, as if she had spent hours there.

"You shouldn't speak of that in Rosalie's presence," she said quietly. "It's killing her."

Alice was talking in riddles again. I frowned. Still lost after an exhausting conversation with Mom, I couldn't understand what she was talking about. Edward and Alice's sister, Rose, was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Everybody wished they could be her.

Alice noticed my surprise.

"She's jealous of popularity, Bella," she explained impatiently. "Instagram. Twitter. You can become popular in a day. Rose wished she could have that chance too. But she can't. Carlisle forbids us to have any accounts on the Internet. We shouldn't come to attention. This is the main rule of our kind. Rose knows it, but she constantly irritates Edward by thinking about all of that."

I recalled Edward's stories about Carlisle's past and his life in Italy with an ancient coven, powerful, strict and very traditional. _The Volturi_. An old oil painting flashed before my eyes. Aro, Caius, Marcus. They were some kind of royalty in a vampire world. Tradition meant everything to them. And the law. Nobody was allowed to break the laws…

But I had some difficulties with imagining those ancient, frozen statues living in a modern world.

"I don't think that Aro has an account on Instagram," I confessed.

"Aro doesn't control social media, not personally, at least," Alice answered. A smile appeared on her pale face. "But sometimes we are having fun trying to imagine that."*

We both laughed.

The morning was cloudy and grey, but a few hours later the weather began to change. I looked out the window and noticed a piece of blue clear sky. Its color was beautiful, almost perfect.

"Do you want me to open it?" Alice guessed. She turned to the window's side too. I nodded. A fresh air entered to the room, filling it with the smell of wet leaves and warmth. I breathed in, smiling.

"The weather is promised to be good today," Alice added after a short pause. She seemed to check the nearer future. "We could go for a walk, if you want."

"My cast is off, but I can't start running," I said. I kept breathing deeply, trying to catch as much freshness as I could.

Alice smiled.

"I can take you. We could go into the woods. Listen to the sounds of the forest. It's gonna be nice."

My imagination began to work in full. I closed my eyes, watching the forest inside of my mind. High, endless tops of the trees. The leaves rustling under my feet. Birds' whispering. The wind's quiet songs…

"So, what do you think?" asked Alice again.

I shrugged. The images inside of my head were good and colorful. The idea sounded nice but I couldn't admit that.

A melodic laugh filled the room.

"I know you'll say 'yes'".

Everything was ready in less than ten minutes. Alice turned into a little tornado which suddenly appeared in Charlie's house. I couldn't understand what she was doing, I only tried to guess. She found an old blanket and took some food in case if I got hungry later before writing a note to Charlie. He promised to return home earlier today.

My clothes and old favourite sneakers lay on my bed.

"Here," she said.

The change in our schedule made Alice feel better. I felt a sudden eagerness too. It would be great to go outside after staying inside of the house for so long. It would be great to stop being a patient and a prisoner at the same time.

Alice helped me dress and go downstairs. We had to take her shiny and accurate car; my truck was smashed in the accident. I had already forgotten about that. I examined Alice's car briefly and had to accept that I had no idea what it model was. I'd never been a fan of cars.

Our road was short. The car was really fast. We drove until the pavement ended and then continued our way by foot. I saw an endless green wall in front of me. As was predicted, I couldn't make a step without Alice, so she had to carry me.

"Do you promise not to hurry?" I asked nervously. The smell of the forest was deep; it would be difficult to breath here.

"Let's see," she answered, wearing the bag over her shoulder and helping me to climb on her back. "I'm not very confident about how you'll react on this. The problem is inside of your head, Bella. Just try to think in a positive way!"

I didn't believe her. Alice just wanted to run faster, that's all; human speed was too slow for her. I had to obey, promising myself that everything would be all right. At least, I needed to try.

Nothing worked. Alice's speed was abnormal. The view of the forest turned into abstract scenery, like paintings made by eccentric modern artists. The forest divided into strange little parts. A green puzzle. My heart began pounding again. I felt bitterness inside of my mouth.

Alice stopped. Our road wasn't as long as she hoped.

"You're so fragile, Bella," she said. "It must be so awful – to be human."

"Thank you."

We had to finish our way on foot. I was leaning on Alice's arm. It was cold and extremely solid, just like a mountain rock. At first Alice's steps were small and accurate. Then she began to speed up, still holding my hand. Fortunately, Alice's speed wasn't so fast now, and it was good. We began to move faster, but the bitterness had vanished.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking round. Deep green turned into bright shade. I could already feel the warmth.

Alice was watching the forest too. I felt jealous of her perfect vision. Her scenery surely was much better than mine. Probably, she was right. It was so awful – to be human.

"Well, I thought of the place you'd like to see," she said evasively.

And then I remembered. I should have predicted where we were going. I've already been here, although I've tried to avoid the place. We were close to the meadow, _my_ meadow with Edward. My heart betrayed me again. I felt awkward and miserable at the same time. That place was forbidden for visitors. The meadow was a part of the memories I planned to forget…

I kept thinking about my walk with Edward when Alice stopped moving. That stopping was unexpected; I stumbled and almost touched the ground, and only Alice's arm saved my body from falling. I looked at her, surprised.

Alice wasn't breathing. Her body was a marble statue. Alice's eyes were frozen, watching something I couldn't see. Her ears were listening to something I couldn't hear. I really was miserable. I was blind and deaf.

Just a tiny little human.

"What happened?" I whispered. I hadn't noticed till now that I was whispering. My heart was beating too loudly, making me feel more uncomfortable. It made me anxious, but I managed to ask:

"What do you see?"

She didn't say a word.

"Alice?" I demanded again. "What's going on?"

A new idea came to my mind.

"Is… Is there anybody else here?" I guessed. "Alice? Alice?"

* * *

Staying alone in the house, I enjoyed the silence, so light and pure. I always liked the moments like that. The others' voices left my head for a while, and I could be myself again, living my own emotions and feelings. The morning was cold, but the weather was changing; nature was preparing itself for long-awaited warmth. Possibly, humans couldn't see that, but I could. Flowers were turning to their sides, searching for heat. Birds began singing louder. The earth and the sky changed colors, looking brighter than usual.

My parents went hunting. Carlisle looked so awful that the hospital staff began to ask about his condition. He couldn't delay the hunt any longer. Emmet and Rosalie joined Carlisle and Esme. I welcomed their decision to leave. Their constant advice was driving me crazy.

I was going to visit Bella and talk to her, but my siblings did everything to prevent that. When my family realized that I was ready to change, their care became too obstructive. It was a burden, heavy and impossible to take off.

"You need to wait," Alice was confident. She didn't bother herself with explanations.

"For what? I've lost seven years already," I reminded her.

My irritating little sister sighed.

"Don't you see? You need to become a mystery for her again! Bella fell in love with you because you were so unusual!"

"I'm a monster," I had no desire to discuss anything with the whole family. I felt uncomfortable. "I still have no idea why she had chosen me."

"Alice is right, Edward," Rose supported Alice's side. "It will be better if Bella starts missing you. You shouldn't repeat her husband's mistake. Be patient."

Emmet enjoyed our conversations. He really did.

"Women," he said aloud, noticing my tortured face. "They're true mysteries, huh? You can never know what they're thinking about."

He laughed. Jasper grinned, although he was sitting downstairs, far away from us. I rolled my eyes. When had my life turned into their constant joke?

I was so glad that they all had left.

Thankfully no one had anything against of our return to Forks. Humans accepted us without any question. We've never imagined that it would be so easy. There were some complications, of course, and I had been listening to citizens' thoughts, focusing on their feelings. I saw slight shock and confusion inside of their minds. Everyone noticed how young we looked. But, in contrast to us, the world was changing. It was getting hard to surprise anybody. In the end humans found their own explanations to what they had noticed. They were ready to believe in anything – medical achievements, genetics, plastic surgery – anything that could make the reality possible. The biggest part of humans kept being clean and naïve; they persuaded themselves that seven years wasn't too long, and we looked fine, just like it should be.

Perhaps, Forks missed changes.

 _What's going on?_

The silence broke into different sharp pieces. I opened my eyes and turned my head. A mental voice awakened me, and I froze, catching thoughts like a radio wave.

 _'Why can't I stop worrying? I'm not supposed to feel anything!" someone thought angrily._

That mental voice was familiar to me. I've heard it a thousand of times, aloud and inside of my head. It was the voice of my relative and the voice of my close friend. It belonged to a woman, and I haven't seen her for a very long time. Then I heard the sound of an approaching car. The car wasn't new, but the motor's roar sounded beautiful. Its mistress truly loved it, like it was a beloved pet.

Two minutes and seven seconds later, the car stopped in front of the house. Still confused, I crossed the room and ran downstairs. My speed was impressive. I opened the front door before she knocked. An unexpected guest was staring at me. Her golden eyes were bright, deep and cold.

"Tanya?" I was so stunned that forgot to say hello. "What happened?"

She was breathing heavily, trying to calm down. Tanya looked me in the eyes, searching for something inside of them. Her head was full of questions, her eyes reflected panic.

"Actually, I thought you would explain that to me," she confessed.

* * *

*The idea of showing Aro when he's checking his account on Instagram seems to be quite funny to me. Perhaps, I'll write a little story about that one day.

* * *

 **Author's Note.** Dear readers! Sorry for delaying in publishing this chapter. But I've good news - I've finally found a beta reader! So I'd like to introduce a wonderful beta, _blood. stained. lies_ , who helps me with improving chapters!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17. Still friends**

"May I come in?" she asked, aloud again. My confusion seemed to be obvious.

"Yes, sure", I made a step aside. "Sorry".

Tanya entered the corridor.

 _Stay calm, stay calm…_

Having spent centuries as a vampire, Tanya had learned a lot about self-control. Even when we first met, Tanya didn't show any nervousness. Carlisle and I visited Denali soon after the beginning of my immortal life. Tanya invited us to Alaska when Carlisle wrote her about it.

"I'm Tanya. Nice to meet you," she said, stretching out her hand. "A new life must be so confusing for you."

 _Tanya, af_ ter all these years she spoke with a slight Russian accent, and her name sounded so unusual, so soft, that it surprised me. But her patience surprised me the most. Tanya's head was bursting with questions, but she was willing to wait. I could read everything – every secret, every little thought, but she didn't know about that yet. Tanya was patient, like she was patient now, waiting for my explanations.

I was lost, but managed to pull myself together and led Tanya to the living room. I wasn't very good at playing host. Actually, Esme was the real hostess of the house, but she was away now, and our home had lost its soul.

The living room was accurate and clean, every detail perfectly matched. My guest hasn't spoiled the harmony of the place. As all vampires, Tanya continued being graceful. We sat on the large white sofa, so close to each other, that I could see light red painted on Tanya's pale face. She had freckles when she was human. She must have loved the sun, but it was centuries ago. After becoming a vampire, your body freezes, reminding only about the past, but not the future.

That closeness confused Tanya. Her mind turned into a mist, which faded only a second later. She sighed, and inside of her head I read: _"Weird"._

But she said nothing aloud. I didn't get it, but recalled Emmet's words about women. He was right. They are true mysteries for us.

 _Why did you return to Forks? What happened? Where's everyone?_

She was staring at me. I chuckled.

"I'm afraid I can't explain everything at the same time. It's a long story. Tell me, how did you know we're here? We have returned to Forks quite recently."

Tanya's mind gave me the answer. I saw a ringing mobile phone, an illuminating screen and a name written on it.

 _Alice Cullen._

"Alice?" I asked, surprised again. "Did she phone you?"

"Yes," she answered. "It was in the morning, when I was driving to Vancouver. I had to visit big city – bad weather had damaged the house. The roof needs rebuilding. I was thinking about visiting you there, but Alice phoned me first."

I frowned. Alice left the house at night, and I haven't seen her since then. There was nothing special about that. Jasper was going to Seattle. Our lawyer, Jason Jenks, promised to prepare new documents for us. Alice went to Seattle with Jasper and planned to return to Bella in the early morning. She has been constantly thinking about Seattle for the whole evening. I haven't noticed anything wrong. If she saw anything, I had no idea about that.

"What?" Tanya asked, aloud again, paying my attention. "Tell me, Edward," her voice was trembling. "Where is Alice? Where is everyone? What are you doing in Forks again?"

I grimaced.

"Alice's fine," I began to explain. "She went to Seattle with Jasper, but came back to Forks this morning. She must be with Bella now…"

 _Bella?_

Of course, Tanya knew about her. After leaving Forks seven years ago, I went to Alaska first. Tanya was watching my pain, and she knew the reason for that. Her reaction to Bella's name wasn't good. It was sharp, like a knife. I faltered, unaware what I could tell Tanya without hurting her.

"I've told you. The story is a bit complicated," I said.

But Tanya caught everything much quicker than I thought.

 _Oh... That girl,_ the mixture of pain, betrayal and disappointment touched her frozen heart. _Are you here because of her?_

She looked me in the eyes.

"Yes". I didn't mean to hurt her. But I did. Of course, I did. Tanya still had feelings for me. It wasn't love, not at all, but that feelings still could hurt. I needed to be careful. "We made a decision to come back. To be frank, everything turned out to be much easier that we had expected."

 _It isn't a long story, then. So… have you both reconciled?_ she thought after a pause.

I looked down, hesitating again. Tanya guessed my answer and turned her gaze.

"You will..." Tanya mumbled, speaking, mostly, to herself. "Of course, you will."

"Do you think so?" I suddenly asked. I shouldn't have spoken about it with Tanya, but she was my friend, and I felt that I needed to get her advice.

Tanya looked at me and smiled. Her smile wasn't happy at all, although her face remained to be beautiful.

"Of course. Why do you doubt about that?"

I've decided to be honest.

"I don't want to lose Bella. But I keep thinking…" I made a deep breath. "Vampires can't change, Tanya, we perfectly know about that. I froze at my age. I'll always be a teenager. It's so hard, to grow up. What If I won't be able to change for her?"

I haven't noticed when I pronounced everything that concerned me the most. Damn it! What I was doing? I promised myself to be delicate…

Tanya imagined herself smiling.

"You don't understand. You're already changing. Do you feel like the person who lived in the 1910s?"

"No. But…"

"Time changes us all. No exception", she added aloud. "But our life is much longer that it's supposed to be. That's why changes don't look so obvious. But we change, in everything. Even our habits are not the same," Tanya smiled again, "You would never sit down so close to me in the past. Always worried about my feelings. And you've never been so confident. I couldn't get a word out of you when you first met Bella."

Tanya recalled our past relationship with nostalgia.

"You're so special," she said after a pause. "I think you can charm Bella again. Don't worry about anything. You deserve to be happy."

We were sitting close to each other, but the wall between us became almost visible. I could feel it now. I looked at Tanya, amazed. Yeah, everything has changed now. I worried about it too much.

"Where's Carlisle?" Tanya asked, changing the subject. She mentioned Dad, but asked about others too, of course. I saw a few faces inside of her head, and the questions I haven't answered yet.

"He went hunting with Esme, Emmet and Rosalie. Jasper is in Seattle, but he'll return home in the evening."

Tanya nodded.

"I know about Jasper. Alice mentioned that when she phoned me."

"What did Alice tell you?" I asked. Tanya's memories weren't clear. I still had questions.

"That call was weird, actually," she answered, smiling again. "Alice said that my future began to change. She said that I would appear here soon, not far from Forks. Alice saw me driving somewhere, all alone. To be frank, I understood everything in a different way," she added, laughing again. "Wrong way, as I see now."

Tanya's heart sank. She was watching my image inside of her head. I sighed. Tanya thought that I changed my mind. The situation became uncomfortable again. Tanya's feelings were like an open wound, and we were touching it again and again, bringing infection inside and making Tanya suffer. It was wrong.

I hoped Alice had a good explanation for her actions. What was she up to?

"Sorry, Tanya", I whispered.

She touched my cheek, ruining the wall between us. Her touch was warm and gentle. It was precious for her – it was Tanya's way to say good bye.

"Don't worry," he whispered back. "I'm a big girl. You shouldn't worry about it. Everything is gonna be alright."

I looked at Tanya again. She was so beautiful. It was so sad that I wasn't able to see her beauty. I wished Tanya would meet somebody worthy one day.

Carlisle and Esme arrived a couple hours later. Tanya and I were relieved to meet them. The wall between us returned, making us feeling awkward again. When my parents returned home, I snuck away quietly; nobody seemed to notice my absence. I needed to be alone, so I went to the woods, staying deep in my own thoughts. At first dark green surrounded me, but a few miles away the light was turning brighter. I didn't notice where I was going – I was too busy to notice anything.

What has Alice planned? Why didn't she warn us about her visions? Were they real? I had no answer. Tanya's arrival confused me. Everything seemed to be weird, unnatural and strange. I kept walking and thinking, making graceful steps.

My instincts were ahead of me. I froze, but didn't realize why. Did I hear anything? It was hard to be sure, but something was, definitely, wrong.

I looked around and guessed where I was standing. It was the meadow, _my_ meadow with Bella, but I wasn't alone in the woods.

Approaching thoughts filled my head. I saw blurred hazy pictures flashing before my eyes. Tanya driving somewhere. A deep dark night, the sky full of stars. Bright city lights. A few cities, totally unfamiliar to me. Bella. Me. The meadow. The vision that Alice had seen long ago, the vision that couldn't be real.

But it was going to be real. A few minutes later, that seemed to be unbelievably long, Alice and Bella appeared out of the darkness.

* * *

My heartbeat was so strong and loud that the air seemed to be tasteless.

"Oh, I see," Alice finally breathed out. She relaxed and lowered her shoulders as if had lost some invisible weight.

"What do you see?" I continued whispering. It looked stupid, I know, but I couldn't stop doing that.

"Hmm…"

Alice squeezed my hand and helped me make a new step. What did mean? I couldn't calm down. My heart was going to jump out of my chest. My blood was dancing. Every breath was heavy. I was turning red. We made a few quick steps ahead and appeared on the meadow.

I was right. We weren't alone here anymore. Then came my turn to freeze and look at the guest in astonishment. It was Edward, another frozen statue.

I breathed out a glance at Alice again, angrily now. Couldn't she tell me about that? I nearly died from heart attack because of her!

"You didn't tell me anything," Edward said in a displeased tone. He was watching Alice's thoughts.

"Sorry. I haven't found time to warn you about it. I didn't expect that visions would be so important," in contrast to us, Alice looked happy. She was even smiling. "And I didn't expect her to be so… _fast_."

I glanced at Alice again, surprised. Did she mention me? It was really rude!

Edward suddenly laughed.

"She has always been like that. She doesn't want to lose any slight chance to win."

"Yeah," Alice answered. "That's why your relationship didn't last for too long. No dice!"

Hey both laughed. I blushed, ready to die from shame. Were they speaking about me? It's craziness…

"It's true, then?" Edward asked, frowning, his tone serious again. "I don't understand…"

Alice shrugged.

"Well, we can try to see more", she finally remembered about me and turned her head to my side. "I'm sorry, Bella," Alice's voice changed, sounding softly, as if she was talking to a little child. "I need to speak with Tanya until she leaves."

 _Tanya_? Oh. I misunderstood it. They weren't speaking about me at all!

"I need to go now, but Edward will take care of you, won't he?" Alice continued. I couldn't understand what she was talking about. Alice glanced at him. Edward sighed.

"Have fun!"

The bag Alice carried fell on the grass. That sound made me shiver. An easy wind blew, and Alice gone. Her cold touch vanished. I staggered. Still lost in my thoughts, I wasn't prepared for that. My heart began pounding again. I was afraid to fall without Alice's support…

A cold arm caught me before I touched the ground.

"Sorry. Are you all right?"

Edward was holding me in his arms. He stood very close, his eyes focused on me. Edward's face was still a mask, impossible to read, but I thought that he might be confused too.

"Yes," I spent a minute searching for answer. "Thank you".

"Do you want to sit down?" Edward asked, examining the meadow. "The ground must be cold, I'm afraid. The sunlight touched the air, but its warmth is deceptive. "

"Alice took the blanket," I said automatically.

My voice sounded so confident, I was amazed to hear that. It was even funny. I wasn't so confident. Not at all.

"She's very foresighted," he muttered quietly.

Edward took out the blanket and helped me sit. The sun appeared out of the clouds again, covering the meadow with light warmth. I finally made myself calm down. The air got its taste again.

"Is Tanya here? Your relative from Alaska?" I asked, recalling Edward and Alice's weird dialogue.

Edward nodded. He sat not far from me and closed his eyes, enjoying the heat.

"Alice saw visions connected with Tanya. I didn't believe it at first, but they appear to be true."

Edward's skin started glittering, like a hundreds of little diamonds, and I regarded him with admiration. It happened absent-mindedly. His image was so beautiful that it was difficult to take my eyes off him.

"What did she see?" I asked.

"She saw Tanya driving somewhere. Alice noticed two different cities, but we haven't recognized them yet. The image was too hazy. Alice wasn't sure that visions could be important. In the end, it didn't concern us, but Tanya…she misunderstood it all," Edward wrinkled his nose as he was thinking about something unpleasant. "Alice wants to see Tanya now. She hopes it will make her visions clearer. You know how it works. When you start thinking about something certain, the vision is changing."

I knew about it. Alice's visions were very subjective. For example, she had seen me becoming a vampire, but it never happened. Could we trust Alice's visions now?

The silence between us was awkward. And I was afraid to admit that I liked the sound of Edward's voice. It comforted me. I pretended to examine the grass under my feet.

"I'm sorry," Edward added, breaking the silence. I looked up and met his golden eyes. He wasn't enjoying the sun anymore. Edward was staring at me. "After leaving Tanya with Carlisle and Esme I decided to take a walk. I didn't notice where I was going until I came here. It wasn't planned," he paused a little. "By me, at least. I cannot speak for Alice."

I smiled.

"It's okay. But Alice frightened me to death when she stopped moving. We almost reached the meadow when she froze and turned into a museum statue."

Edward laughed.

'You should never trust vampires."

"I've heard something like that."

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked quickly. It looked like he hated the silence too.

"Oh, I'm fine, although this walk wasn't my idea either. You see, I still can't make a step without Alice. I haven't got confidence yet."

He nodded.

"But it has been always difficult for me," I added with grimace, "I stumbled even with a healthy leg."

He laughed again, loudly that time. I've heard the sound of tinkling bells.

"Well, you were quite impressive when we went here for the first time," Edward paid me a compliment.

"Yeah. And I felt sick when you had decided to show me your extra-speed."

Edward laughed, opened his mouth in order to say something and… changed his mind. I bit my lip. We both thought about the same thing. At the end of that day we had our first kiss. I was sure Edward was thinking about it too.

"Do you remember that?" I asked, unaware what exactly I meant.

He still looked me in the eyes.

"I remember everything", he answered. I shivered. It was the voice that always dazzled me. A low, quiet, velvet melody.

"I know that everything is complicated", Edward continued, and I realized he began to worry again. "But I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask what?"

Edward was staring at me again.

"I cannot predict the future," he began to explain. "I don't know how long we can stay here. Our relationship has never been simple, Bella..."

Memories filled my head again. Old ones. The memories of the time when we both were happy.

"Of course, you have the right to hate me," Edward laughed bitterly, "but if you're not, could we…"

I made a deep breath, waiting for his words.

"… Could we become friends again?" he finished.

I breathed out.

"I think it'll make everything easier," he noticed my confusion and completely misunderstood it. It reminded me of the Edward I used to know.

"Of course… I mean, yes," I mumbled quickly. My voice trembled. I wasn't sure what I felt now. I wasn't sad, but I didn't feel happy either.

And then Edward smiled. His smile was wide, sincere, and I realized how much these words meant to him. He was happy. Edward wasn't going to distract me, but I was dazzled again inevitably. I was charmed by his happiness, and it made me feel happy too.

I smiled back. Edward's smile was too catchy.

'So… still friends, then?' he asked again.

"Still friends," I admitted.

He suddenly laughed.

"What?" I asked, puzzled.

"Just like that song. "We're still friends*". Did you hear it?"

"I'm not very good at music, I suppose," I answered apologetically.

Edward laughed again.

"The song has an original version, but the cover is good too," he continued. I still had no idea what he was talking about. "I can lend you the CD, if you want."

"That would be great."

We didn't notice when the sun vanished and a cold wind began to play on the meadow.

"It's getting cold," Edward noticed. "I think we should go home."

I felt a bit sad that our moment was over, but Edward's "we should go home" sounded quite optimistic.

"I have to carry you, I'm afraid," Edward added with a new smile. "Or we'll return to Forks tomorrow. Maybe."

I laughed.

"I'd better return home before the Chief of Police starts searching for me with the dogs."

Edward took me in his arms, trying not to touch my skin. I should have felt nervous, but I didn't. A long day spent on fresh air made me feel tired. So many events happened in such a short time. I was exhausted. Edward's arms reminded me of protection and care I have almost forgotten.

"You'd better close your eyes," he said softly. I nodded. I had no desire to get sick again.

I laid my head on his chest. Edward preferred to move slower than Alice. Perhaps, he had already seen my reaction to vampire speed. Surrounded by Edward's smell and his deep breath, I didn't have to worry about anything. What a strange day! Everything turned upside down in a one single moment, making the world look so calm, so peaceful that it was hard to believe it was real. I appeared in a fairytale which gave me tranquility.

I was like Alice who returned to her Wonderland.

When I opened my eyes again, I've noticed Alice's car standing not far from us.

"Let's get inside", Alice added, addressing the message to me. "Charlie has phoned me already. I said we'd return home in 20 minutes."

I sighed. The fairytale was ending suddenly. Wonderland vanished, and I was in my world again. The world full of boring grown ups. The world full of worries and disappointment.

Edward and I exchanged glances. I watched him, feeling nothing but sadness. It shouldn't have ended so quickly. I wasn't prepared for that. Let's return to Wonderland…

Edward seemed to be unhappy too. He helped me stand up and lead to Alice's car. I stumbled twice, but Edward caught me, preventing the fall.

"Thank you," I mumbled, squeezing his hand for the last time. I didn't know how to say goodbye. Edward seemed not to know what to say too. We both were silent, and only the car's motor was roaring, hurrying us.

"By the way, I need to give you something."

I removed my eyes from the woods where Edward still stood, watching us leaving. We had driven too far, and he had turned into a silhouette, a bright figure standing in front of the dark forest.

Alice offered me a CD. She has already known everything.

"It's very rude to spy, you know," I noticed.

"I thought you'd like to listen to it today."

Alice was right. I was curious. And I thought that the song could remind me of today when everything would be over. It couldn't be a prediction, but today was so weird. Everything looked impossible to me; it was too good to be real.

When we drove home and went inside, Alice waved to Charlie and said goodbye to me. Dad noticed how exhausted and tired I was; he decided not to bother me with too many questions. I was grateful for that. A hot shower helped me to relax and find strength for listening to the song. My body was tired. My memory was filled with too many things to remember. It was difficult to focus on anything specific, like it always happened after a long and colorful day.

 _Still friends._

After taking a shower I had to spend time searching for my old CD-player. I stopped listening to the music about seven years ago. It was great to find out that the player was working. The CD was unfamiliar to me. I checked the list and picked the record I needed.

A low jazz voice made me shiver.

 _Hello, friend, how has it been…?_

 _Ain't it wonderful, you've got a friend?_

I lay in the bad, listening to the song. Nostalgic and melancholic, it revived past memories in my head. Now I saw why Edward mentioned it. The lyrics spoke about two people, who were dear to each other in the past, but the life had separated them. Just like us.

 _Though we've changed in our endeavors_

 _I found we still have some things in common…_

Edward and I had the same past, the past that we couldn't forget. I didn't know how much Edward remembered, what he remembered, what all these memories meant to him. My memories were full of pain, and sorrow, and sadness, but they had a bright side too. I remembered that now. I was happy with Edward, too happy, perhaps, but… but I really missed that feeling.

And I was glad to become Edward's friend again, although I didn't want to think what it meant.

 _Ain't it strange but wonderful_

 _That we, we're still friends…_

I kept lying in the bed, listening to the song again and again and thinking about this day. Still friends. Still friends…

I didn't notice when I fell asleep.

* * *

*The song I mentioned is "We're still Friends", performed by Amy Winehouse (Donny Hathaway cover). All rights belong to its owners.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18. Fate**

Tanya's visit gave its advantages; my family members stopped focusing their attention on me. They were talking and thinking only about Alice's visions now. When I returned home, Tanya was already gone, but eagerness and anxiety still lived in the house. I noticed low whispers and melodic voices that were heard from the living room.

Esme seemed to be the only person who had noticed my steps. She smiled, greeting me, and returned to the conversation.

"Are you sure you can't recognize any of those cities?" asked Jasper when Alice came home and joined us.

My sister was rubbing her temples as if she had a headache.

"Yes, the images were short and dark but I couldn't identify them."

Carlisle looked at me, asking for my opinion. I shook my head. I could see Alice's visions, but I was incapable of recognizing those cities too.

"So… Do you think Tanya is going somewhere we have never been?" Emmet asked. Uncertainty was killing him. It could be funny, perhaps, but it could be dangerous too. Emmet knew that perfectly.

"Not exactly," Dad's voice sounded soft, but strong. "Cities are changing their faces so quickly. When we came here for the first time, Forks hadn't existed yet. We probably know these places, but we can't recognize them now."

Emmet smiled. I knew what he was thinking about. Emmet had recalled our first meeting with the Quileute tribe. The place was unpopulated at that time, except for a little piece of land full of weird ancient monsters…

I shook my head, having no desire to think about werewolves. They had turned into legends, just like us. We hadn't seen shapeshifters for a very long time.

"What if it's just a coincidence?" asked Rose. "What if Alice's phone call created the future that she had seen?"

She didn't like Tanya's news. It made Rosalie worry about our future that became uncertain again. It was easier for her to return to our old life. _Normal_ , she thought. Alice shook her head.

"It's not working, Rose. Before Tanya left, I asked her to think about her plans and her future. If you were right, pictures would stop showing, but they didn't. I kept watching the visions even when Tanya changed her plans and started to think about something else. It's inevitable. It looks like… fate or something like that."

Jasper frowned. In contrast to Emmet, who liked adventures, Jasper had seen enough of them. But uncertainty frightened him to death. He trusted Alice's visions too much.

"Well, we saw it once," Esme said, giving me a mild smile.

I looked into her thoughts. She was thinking about Bella and me. Esme thought of the conversation we had while discussing Bella's fate years ago. Esme recalled my hesitation and my attempts to change the future. Nothing worked at that time. I tried to leave Bella, and… I couldn't. Our connection was weird, but strong. We were like magnets, doomed to be attracted. But could it work with Tanya? It was hard to imagine that.

"Not sure that it can happen to Tanya," I answered one of Esme's questions. "She hasn't met anyone in centuries…"

"Well, you have been waiting for Bella for hundred of years," said Esme. "Love doesn't count time, Edward."

"Do you think that Tanya will fall in love?" asked Rose, without hiding her shock.

Jasper looked at Alice; Alice frowned, predicting another wave of an upcoming headache. Carlisle was immediately lost in thought. Everyone was confused. Everyone except for Emmet. My brother sighed. He was disappointed.

"That's all?" he asked, and it recalled our old conversation again. "Really? Tanya is going to drive all over the country because of a new lover?"

"Why not? Everything is possible," Carlisle didn't want to discuss it anymore. The topic of conversation was going to be private. He was too polite to interfere in Tanya's personal life.

"But we haven't heard about anyone else here. We are the single coven in the area," said Emmet.

"Why Tanya's lover must be a vampire?" asked Esme.

"Really?" Emmet grinned. "I've always thought that Tanya is too… passionate. I don't think any human can survive that!"

He laughed.

"If he is a vampire, he may travel alone, like Laurent," Rose suggested.

After the episode with James, Laurent went to Alaska on Carlisle's advice. He spent a year, living there, trying to get used to new rules. It appeared to be too difficult for Laurent, and, in spite of having a short affair with Irina, Tanya's sister, he left the coven. When I visited Denali after breaking up with Bella, Laurent had already gone. No one had seen him since then, except for Irina, who was visiting the vampire time after time. Her interest in Laurent turned into a crush on him, crush – into obsession. Irina kept searching for Laurent again and again, persuading him to stay with her. We all knew how it was going to end. One day Laurent ran away so far that Irina wouldn't be able to find him. Tanya hated that situation, but she had no power to stop her sister. At least, Irina was trying to be happy, but… should Tanya live that life too?

"The only one thing we know is that Tanya is going to visit frequently," said Esme, finishing the conversation.

"It's so sad that we haven't recognized the cities yet…" Alice murmured. She began to worry about it, worry much more that she had shown Jasper. Alice thought that her visions could open the door to our future. But what kind of door would it be?

I sighed, reading Alice's thoughts. The uncertainty was killing me too.

* * *

I didn't need treatment anymore. Alice finished nursing me, and her constant care stopped being so obsessive. I was capable of taking care of myself, cook for Charlie and clean the house without any help. I was even planning to return to work at Newton's. Everything was getting almost normal, although it would never be the same again.

Edward replaced Alice, turning into a constant guest in my house. We agreed to become friends again, and we did our best, trying to keep that promise.

Edward had decided to ask a million of questions, trying to find out everything that he had missed. We avoided speaking about our break-up; it was awkward, and we managed to prevent uncomfortable situations. Weird, but we really learned to do that - pretend being grown-ups.

I didn't know what to tell Edward about myself, but I could mention others' lives, so I decided to tell Edward about our former classmates. I didn't know much, but Forks was a very small town. You are going to know everything even if you don't want to.

While I was cooking dinner for Charlie, Edward was standing near, listening to every word I was saying. And he laughed, when I told him about Jessica.

"What's funny?" I asked, puzzled.

In my opinion, Jessica was very successful. In contrast to me, she passed exams easily and was admitted to the university in California, got a job and married a few months ago. All her wishes had come true.

Edward shook his head.

"I'm not surprised to hear that news about Jessica. She's very predictable."

I glanced at him distrustfully.

"She just copied you, Bella," he explained. "You inspired Jessica to do this... Move to California, get a good job – everything."

Then came my turn to laugh.

"Very funny. Jessica and I are just like twins. How could I not notice that?"

I had to pay my attention on the pan now – the pork chops were nearly burnt. I shook my head. Edward distracted me all the time. When would I be capable of struggling that?

Edward chuckled.

"I had been listening to her irritating mind for a few years, Bella. Jessica envied you since your first day at school. It's not surprising that she had done everything trying to get your life."

I stared at him again. Was he serious?

"I don't believe you," I said. "You're exaggerating. Or it's just a joke I can't understand."

After covering the pan, I walked to the fridge and took out vegetables. Edward kept smiling, but the smile was different that time. He was enjoying my distrustful look.

"You're so special, Bella. And you still can't see that," he said quietly.

"Does it amuse you?" I asked.

"A little," Edward confessed. "But it would be great for you to see how special you are. You need to see yourself through others' eyes!"

"You mean to see myself with the help of ideal vampire vision? Yeah, I'm sure I'll be very impressed," I said sarcastically. Edward laughed again.

"So," I decided to change the subject, "are you going to tell me anything about Tanya? Alice remains silent about it."

Still holding the plate in my hand, I stumbled. The plate slipped out and nearly dropped on the floor. Edward caught it and returned the plate to me.

"There is nothing to say, actually," Edward's tone was clear – he had no desire to speak about that. Delicate, delicate Edward. "Alice's visions are real, but nobody can interpret them. It looks like Tanya may meet… someone special one day."

"She will fall in love?" my voice sounded too high. I blushed. Edward laughed again, noticing my expression.

"The news is shocking for us too," Edward softened immediately. "We got a few theories about the person she's seeking. The most popular is that Tanya will meet a single traveler, like Laurent…"

Laurent? I frowned. His name was almost forgotten by me, but only one mentioning revived dozens of old memory pictures.

A thunderstorm. An endless field. Baseball. The game. Edward's speed and his melodic laugh. The Cullens. And a few strangers who interfered in our lives in a one single moment.

 _She's with us._

 _But she's a human!_

"Ouch…"

I felt sudden pain and looked at my hand. Deep in thought, I managed to cut myself on the knife. A thick line crossed the palm, revealing bright, rust-smelling blood. My heart missed a beat. I gazed at Edward, realizing that he shouldn't have smelled the blood…

"You probably should leave the kitchen for a while," I advised, clenching my fist automatically and feeling a new sharp wave of pain. "Go outside, breath some fresh air."

Edward's chest wasn't moving. He must have stopped breathing after smelling the blood. Edward froze, his glance fixed on my palm. Edward's eyes darkened, making him look older and more dangerous. An old instinct made me feel a desire to make a step away.

But I didn't. After making a deep breath, I repeated:

"Just go, Edward. Don't tempt fate!" my voice was forced.

A second after Edward nodded and left the kitchen. He was fast. I didn't notice his movements at all. I took a breath out and returned to my palm, examining it. I was so stupid! It was my fault. I should have been more attentive…I went to the sink and turned on the tap, preparing to clean the wound.

"Let me…" a velvet voice whispered. I jumped.

Edward came back, holding a medicine chest, his teeth still clenched, his eyes burning. He was in hell, but trying to survive the agony.

"You don't have to," I protested. Edward didn't listen. He had been examining the cut already. Edward shook his head again, murmuring something. I heard the words like: " _still credulous."_ He must have been offended that I believed in his leaving.

"You're lucky. The wound isn't deep. The blood is already coagulating."

"You really shouldn't do that," I said again. I had no idea how thirst was, but it wasn't easy, definitely. I examined Edward's face. The circles under his eyes turned blue.

"Don't worry, I can control myself," Edward caught my eyes and interpreted the glance in his own way. "And you shouldn't be afraid, Bella. I won't hurt you. And you shouldn't worry about James. He's dead."

A forgotten voice filled my head again.

 _Wouldn't you rather have Edward try to find me?_

I shivered. I didn't like those memories…

"I wasn't scared," my voice trembled, betraying me. "But I just remembered…"

I remembered Phoenix, the dancing studio and the broken glass. I remembered pain, and the hunter's mad eyes. James's eyes. And my scream…

"Don't worry. James will never hurt you again," Edward's voice sounded soft, but that softness was deceptive. His eyes turned icy cold. Memories filled his head too.

"Do you see Laurent very often?" I asked when Edward was bandaging my palm. He still wasn't breathing. It looked so unnatural – not to breathe. Edward shook his head.

"I haven't seen him after the accident with James. Laurent had tried to settle in Alaska, but wasn't ready to accept our lifestyle completely. Only Irina sees him now."

"And what's about Victoria?" Edward shrugged.

"She seemed to give up her idea of revenge. Our coven is too big and strong. Victoria will never be able to win. She knows that. Victoria is smart, and she has a great surviving instinct. I won't be surprised if she has run away as far as possible."

I nodded. That news comforted me.

"Do you believe in fate?" Edward suddenly asked.

I looked up, returning to reality. Edward had finished bandaging the wound, but still held my palm. I didn't know what to say.

"Do you?" I asked back. Edward shrugged.

"I'm still not sure about Heaven and Hell, but sometimes I'd like to think that something is moving us toward your future," he confessed. "For example, I couldn't stop avoiding you," Edward laughed bitterly. "Fate has a strange sense of humor, hasn't it?"

I looked at my palm. The cut crossed my life line, changing its direction. What was fate preparing for me? I glanced at Edward. He smiled, glancing back.

"I'd better finish the dinner by myself," said Edward. "Sorry, but you can't live a day without finding a new trouble."

"You can cook?" I was amazed. It was Edward, not me, who got some interesting news…

"You'd be surprised," he answered, releasing my palm. "Actually, we all talked about it quite recently…"

The rest of the day was normal, almost ordinary, so I had time to calm down. Edward left the house before Dad's return. Charlie sighed, noticing my bandage.

"What have you done, Bella? You need to be careful."

He wasn't surprised, of course. I had always been the magnet for trouble. I went to bed in a good mood, hoping for a dreamless sleep. The air in the room was stuffy, and I had to open the window. It seemed an eternity before the wind began playing with curtains. I closed my eyes, finally relieved.

"How could you do this, Bella?"

He was just a dark silhouette standing in front of the open window.

"How could you forget me? Didn't you like our little game?"

His voice was a hiss. His features had already vanished from my human memory. That silhouette was all what I could see.

James stepped closer and sat on my bed. He was only a dream, of course. Edward said James was dead. But I still remembered his eyes. They were mad, burning and wild. James's eyes were alive. That's why I still remembered them.

"And your Edward is so weak," James chuckled. "He hasn't changed you yet."

"You're dead," I reminded him. He shouldn't have visited me. Even in my dreams.

James moved his head, examining me. Then sat closer and touched the bandage on my palm. I shivered.

"Just a fragile human… Do you think I'd give up so easily?"

His touch was deadly cold.

"Stay away from me," my voice was so weak. I was suffocating. James touched my cheek, irritating me. I was freezing. But I was sleeping... Why I was freezing?

"Do you think your precious Edward will save you now?" he whispered right in my ear.

James squeezed my hands, shaking me, like a doll.

"Don't touch me!" I cried loudly. His breath was deadly cold. "You're dead! Don't…"

"…Bella?"

I opened my eyes and looked around. It was dark, I was in my bed, and Edward was sitting near, holding me, his eyes wide open. He must have been shaking me, trying to wake me up. That's why James's touch was cold. It was Edward. The reality and the dream mixed, creating a perfect nightmare. I was breathing heavily. My T-shirt was wet.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, worried.

"I don't know. I wasn't scared," I repeated. "But I just remembered…"

I didn't want to be scared. I'm a grown up now. Why should I be afraid of someone who died long ago? It's stupid. I shouldn't give up, I shouldn't…

"Hush, Bella," Edward hugged me, and his cold touch didn't scare me now. It was good to hug him back, to feel support and simple, sincere care.

"It's only a dream. James is dead, Bella. He'll never hurt you again," Edward whispered, comforting me. "Hush, Bella…"

Edward was lulling me to sleep with his whisper. His voice was quiet, but safe.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 Shaping of the future**

"Edward?"

I shook my head and looked around. Carlisle and I were in the woods, leaving the place we called home behind. The darkness seemed to be endless and deep, and the fresh air with the smell of the forest made our heads spin.

We were running away, but our hunting trip wasn't going to be long. I didn't want to leave Bella alone in Forks. Carlisle supported my decision. He volunteered to go hunting with me, and I was very grateful for that. His quiet comprehension was all what I needed.

Carlisle was examining my expression. His anxiety filled my head.

"You're absent-minded today," he confessed. "I'm wondering what you are thinking about."

I grinned. Carlisle was trying to read my thoughts. Well…

"I'm thinking about Bella," there was no point in hiding the truth. It was obvious, actually. Bella was the center of my world again. But there was something else I was bothered about, and after glancing at Carlisle again I decided to share my concern with him.

"She had a nightmare again last night," I said, "and I have something to think about now."

"What did she dream about?" he asked aloud.

"James," I grimaced, recalling the hunter's image inside of my head. "Bella asked questions about Tanya, so I had to tell her about Alice's visions. I didn't notice the moment when I mentioned Laurent, then we both recalled James and Victoria… you know how it works."

The human mind is a big net with thousands of thin crossed threads. If you touched one, it created a wave that would shake your whole mind.

"It's not surprising, then," Carlisle was talking as a doctor now, not as a father. "Human's brain collects all information that it receives during the day, and may represent it while dreaming in different forms. But you know that too. What do you worry about?"

I took a deep breath.

"I suddenly realized that Victoria and Laurent still can be dangerous for us. They are still alive. And we allowed them to get too close... This thought is haunting me."

While living with Denali, Laurent got a chance to find out everything about us, everything about our past, our habits and our movements. He could even get the news about our future, if his meetings with Irina were frequent.

We are so vulnerable and so blind. I clenched my teeth, thinking about the time we had lost. I spent seven years, regretting the past and thinking about myself, while Bella lived there unprotected.

 _Oh, I see_ I read in Carlisle's mind, who was watching our weak points too. My idea seemed to have disappointed him. It was Carlisle who recommended Laurent to go to Alaska. Of course, Dad did it for Laurent's own good… Carlisle was too mild and kind for being self-seeking.

I sighed. I shouldn't have disappointed him. But I did. I thought I was changing, but I was so selfish again. Dad was suffering now too because of my own desire to share my trouble with him.

"We have never considered that situation," he said after a pause. I saw a bright light somewhere inside of Carlisle's mind, but couldn't decode it yet, so I had to wait for his explanations. "But you need to think about time, Edward. Seven years has passed. If Victoria or Laurent planned to do anything, they would have done it much earlier."

"I know," I answered. "But we haven't seen them for so long. Doesn't it bother you?"

I still hated the idea of leaving Bella in mortal danger. It was difficult for me to calm down.

"But they didn't come back," Dad could always find the right words to say. "We know it for sure. We didn't notice any fresh scents in the local area. Nor Victoria or Laurent had been there."

Yeah. We didn't find new scents, but what about the old ones that had already vanished?

"I still don't like it. And I keep thinking… what if it's not enough?" I asked. "What if we aren't prepared for everything? Bella is so fragile, and I don't know how to keep her from harm."

We stopped.

"You shouldn't worry about it, son," Carlisle squeezed my shoulder. "Let it go. Bella will be alright. And you can trust us. We are ready to risk our lives, protecting her. Remember that."

I nodded. Dad said everything I wanted to hear.

The hunt was fast. My primary aim was to lull my hunger and my instincts to sleep. It was the only way to stay close to Bella for the whole day. And the whole night. I didn't dare to leave her alone after that nightmare. She seemed to accept my presence without any question. That night broke something inside of us. Some invisible wall had fallen, and it was easier to make the next step toward our future.

I was trying to drink as much as I could, but didn't feel the taste of blood. I hurried.

 _It's not so easy, right?_ Carlisle asked when we were going to return home _. To change?_

I nodded.

"It's one of the most difficult things that I've ever done in my life", I confessed. "Do you think it's working?"

Carlisle smiled.

 _Don't worry. You have changed, but the changes need time, that's all. Stop focusing on that. In the end, as vampires, we have no borders now. Don't worry about time._

I laughed bitterly. I always worried about time. I suddenly recalled my blurred human past and my old, childish, stupid desires I had at that time. I was dreaming about becoming a soldier, but I was too young for participating in the war. And I was counting time, every day, every hour and every minute, trying to make time run faster. I was counting time, hoping for the best, perfect future, dreaming about leaving Chicago and returning home as a war hero...

Speaking of Chicago. The city must have changed now. After my reborn and starting a new life as a vampire, Carlisle and I left the city and had never visited it since then. I recalled the death certificate Bella had found in the archive. I frowned, examining its picture inside of my head. A sudden idea came to my mind. Bella found the information about me there, but what if it wasn't all what she had found? My parents were dead and I didn't have siblings as human, but we had some other relatives who lived in Chicago. It would be great to visit that city one day. Perhaps, Chicago would bring me some hope…

A ringing phone woke me up. Carlisle and I turned and glanced at my jacket. It was my phone, not Carlisle's. Alice was phoning me.

"What's happened?" I asked without hiding my horror. It couldn't be good.

"I've got some news," Alice answered, her voice weak as if she was watching the future without focusing on the conversation. "But I wanted to ask you first… What are you thinking about?"

Great. Everyone was trying to get into my head today.

"Nothing specific. What did you see?"

Alice sighed.

"Your future is changing, and I see new pictures I haven't seen yet. It changes everything, so I need to know: _what are you thinking about?_ I need to know the course of your thoughts."

I concentrated.

"I was thinking about my past, my parents and old human dreams," I confessed. "And Chicago. I was thinking about my distant relatives who could still live there."

Alice sighed, relived. She must have combined everything in one picture.

"What did you see?" I asked when she didn't explain anything.

"We were wrong, Edward. The cities in my visions don't concern Tanya directly… Well, not exactly."

"How should I see that?"

"One city is connected to you. It's Chicago. Modern Chicago. You are going to visit it very soon."

"Am I?" I asked, unaware of it. Yeah, I was thinking about Chicago, but I didn't plan anything. It's only a thought, that's all.

"What's about the other city, then? How can it be connected to Tanya?"

"That's what I was going to tell you before I saw a vision of you visiting Chicago," Alice confessed. "We found another city, Edward. Jasper suggested examining new maps. He had the idea that the place I saw was a former suburb that became a part of the city quite recently."

"The expansion of the city," the theory sounded logical. "What is it?"

Alice paused before pronouncing the answer. I frowned. Something was, definitely, wrong. Something confused Alice, and she was hesitating, searching for the right words to answer.

"It's Seattle, Edward. The person Tanya is seeking lives on the edge of Seattle, far away from its center. That place must have joined the city a couple decades ago. That's why we haven't recognized it. Carlisle was right. Cities change its faces all the time."

"Okay," I answered. I didn't see anything special in Alice's answer. Seattle was situated nearby, but we could make a mistake and easily miss the place my sister saw in her visions. "Are you going to tell Tanya about it?"

I heard only silence, nothing more. Then Alice sighed again, and I guessed that all my questions began irritating her. Just like I was an idiot, and there was something I still couldn't see.

"Okay, I can drop you a hint. Do you know _anybody_ who lives in that area?"

My mind was a net again, but the threads were like strings, and I was touching that strings, trying to find the right melody.

We didn't hear about any vampire living around our region. If someone settled there, we would know it due to the criminal column in newspapers. It was the easiest way to find out about a vampire. Our coven and Tanya's family in Denali were the only supporters of the vegetarian life style. The others preferred… the classical way of living.

But there was nothing special happening in Seattle. We would know about it, especially now, when we had to live there because of Bella's accident…

And then I realized what Alice was trying to tell me.

"You must be kidding," I said. Alice laughed for the first time since the beginning of our conversation.

"It's strange, I know," she confessed. "But we need to try to help Tanya as well. And we can't do it by ourselves, Edward."

I nodded, although Alice couldn't see that. Of course, we couldn't do it by ourselves. The only person we knew in Seattle was Bella's former husband, Dave, and he had no idea what the fate was preparing for him.

"We need to speak with Bella about it. But the conversation is going to be very… delicate. Let's invite her to our house. We can cook dinner. Humans are geared up for the conversation when they're relaxed and having a good time."

I laughed. Carlisle frowned, examining the fast change in my mood. He still had no idea what was going on, and everything looked strange to him. I grinned and showed Carlisle to wait a bit more. Dad would be surprised when he heard the whole news.

"So… Dinner with the Cullens?" I asked.

Alice laughed.

"Dinner with the Cullens," she repeated.

A new future was shaping for us.

* * *

Daniel Blunt had quite a usual life. He was born in Chicago about fifty years ago, and he wasn't going to move away from there - Chicago was his home. Daniel had never had a thought of leaving that place. But he also had another reason for staying there, the reason he never told anyone, because it was dangerous.

Daniel had to stay in Chicago because of a red haired woman.

That day was ordinary, and the time was running at its normal speed, it was neither short nor too long. Daniel spent a day in a road café he owned. It wasn't very popular, but Daniel didn't mind – he liked the life he had now. He liked to meet new people who always had a lot of stories to tell. Daniel lived there, watching all visitors who were driving from the western road.

Daniel waved goodbye to the waitresses who were going to work at night, and went upstairs to his little apartment. He stopped working till late after one accident that happened a few years ago. No one could blame Blunt for that – the police found a man, in the forest not far from there, to be severely dead. He was found bloodless, killed by an animal no one could find. The man was Daniel's visitor who left the café a few hours before his death.

When Daniel opened the front door and went inside, he heard the sound of the ringing phone. Blunt ran to the living room, stumbling in the darkness, but the time was lost. The phone stopped ringing before Daniel picked it up, so he heard only short beeps, nothing more. Daniel frowned, checking the clock. Midnight. He felt a sudden, half-forgotten fear he had been hiding for years. Then the phone rang again, and Daniel gave a start. He knew who was phoning.

"Yes?" he asked, his voice trembling.

The voice on the phone was soft, sounding like tinkling bells, but Daniel knew that the softness was deceptive.

"I guessed who you are. I recognized your voice," he answered.

Actually, Daniel didn't remember it clearly. The woman told him not to think about her directly. It's like a radio wave, she said, and somebody could always catch his thoughts. Daniel needed to be careful, and he was. Blunt forgot the woman's features, recalling only her hair and her beauty. But he remembered the fear she had left him, because the woman called Victoria killed the café's visitor in front of Blunt and promised to do the same with Daniel if he wouldn't accept her offer. Of course, Blunt to agree on the terms, no matter how strange they were. But the terms were very simple. Daniel was the owner of the road café, he was watching all tourists driving nearby, and he was very attentive. That's all what he needed to do. Daniel needed to live his life, day after day, without leaving his café standing near the western road. He needed to monitor tourists, searching for a young brunette who was going to appear there one day. Victoria even left him a photo taken from the school archive. Daniel didn't ask anything about that. He had already guessed that asking questions was a bad idea.

The red haired woman gave him something else. She left him a phone number he needed to call after finding the girl. Daniel needed to report about the crime, she said. And Victoria promised to call one day. She would phone when the girl was going to be close. It was years ago, and Daniel hoped that the woman had changed her mind, but she didn't. Vitoria called him, reminding about the terms she had established.

"I haven't seen anybody similar to her," he said quickly.

The woman interrupted him. Daniel was listening carefully, trying to stay attentive. He needed to be attentive. He must be, or he would lie dead in the forest somewhere not far from there.

Victoria told him about an upcoming guest. Daniel turned pale.

"Are you sure about that? I haven't found her yet…"

Her confidence was so strong as if she was predicting the future. It scared Daniel to death.

"All what you need to do is to see the girl and make a phone call. It's not so hard, honey. Don't you remember the customer I killed?"

Daniel remembered that. He still saw that man in his nightmares, and he couldn't do anything with that. He imagined the darkness, the deep forest and his own pale bloodless body hidden inside of an endless night.

"I'll do everything you want," he said at last. His face glittered with sweat.

"And keep your mind shut. Don't think about me. Radio waves, remember?"

Daniel nodded. He remembered about that too.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 Dinner with the Cullens**

We were driving through the green endless forest. Edward drove. His car was new: the silver Volvo became the part of the history, just like my truck turned into wreckage.

Edward's car was so fast that my vision was blurred. But I didn't mind - it only helped me to think. I was going to have dinner with the Cullens. Edward and I discussed it, mostly, as a joke, when I cut my hand and Edward finished dinner for me.

 _"You can cook?"_

 _"You'd be surprised. Actually, we all talked about it quite recently…"_

The conversation was reviving in my head again, and imaginary voices were getting louder.

"We discussed it some time before," said Edward. His moves were graceful; he cooked much better than me – there's no comparison. "Alice suggested adding something new in our lives – she's getting tired of watching the future all the time – "

Vampires seemed to get bored too.

"So… did she suggest you learn cooking?" I asked.

Why should vampire do that if they stopped eating normal food? I'd never thought how boring their life could be. Vampires had eternity for fulfilling their dreams and their hobbies.

Edward laughed.

"Not exactly. We've decided to practice in something that has already been forgotten. Who knows when we may need it? It wasn't planned to be a competition, but it looked like that in the end. It was… funny."

I really tried to imagine Edward's sister, Rose, making a salad, but it was impossible to do that.

"Who was the winner?" I asked.

Edward smiled again.

"You'll never guess."

* * *

"…What are thinking about?"

"What?" I asked absent-mindedly and looked around. We had already crossed the town border.

Edward wasn't watching the road. He was staring at me, trying to scan my face and read my thoughts. Obviously, his attempts weren't very successful. I smiled. To be frank, I always liked to keep my thoughts locked, especially when I was younger. I was so naive and stupid.

"Sorry, I scared you," Edward said immediately, noticing my expression. "But you looked so… far away. Are you all right?"

I shook my head. Edward would never change…

"It's okay. I was thinking about your cooking competition," I explained. "You still haven't told me about the winner."

Edward's face softened in a second. He chuckled and retuned to the road, calm and relaxed.

"You'll see. I promised to be quiet until the right moment comes."

I looked out the window again and suddenly realized that I almost forgot the way to the Cullen's house. All what I remembered was that long road – at least, when Edward and I were driving my old truck. I also knew that the house was big, beautiful, full of light, but I hadn't visited it since my break-up with Edward. Seven years had passed. I shivered, realizing how fast the time ran. I still remembered that house, but it became the part of memories, the part of something that must be forgotten. Could I return to that past?

"You're absent-minded again," Edward noticed. He was more attentive now. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I smiled. I missed his care and attention. Yes, I was angry when we met again, but I began to enjoy it anew. It's so great when you have somebody who cares about you. It cures every wound… I guess.

"I'm fine. It's going to be nice to see your house again," I answered. Edward was trying so hard to make my life easier, and I needed to do something for him too. "But the road seems to be shorter now. Your car is really fast."

It would be great if Edward considered his fast driving as the reason for my anxiety. Moreover, Edward was still driving like crazy. Some things never changed.

"I changed the car a couple years ago... It wasn't my idea," he added in a forced tone, and I guessed that Edward started thinking about our break-up too. "But Alice was so annoying. She doesn't like to keep old possessions; she had never regretted the past."

"I need to think about purchasing my own car too," I noticed, examining the passenger compartment. "Will you help me to make the choice when I save the money? I don't understand anything about cars…"

Edward smiled.

"Save the money? Sure…" he murmured.

I frowned and glanced at him. What Edward was up to? I wanted to ask what about it, but the moment was lost. Before I opened my mouth, said:

"We're home…"

Edward was parking the car in front of the house. My heart began pounding again.

The house looked big, peaceful and balanced from the outside. Forgotten memories filled my head again. It seemed like we didn't lose the years that had been lost. It seemed like I was a teenager again, and beautiful young Edward was going to introduce me to his parents. A second – and I would see both of them, pale and immortal, to stand in the hall, waiting to greet us…

… but it wasn't real, and I was a grown up now. The fairytale was over, even if I tried to forget about it.

We left the car and crossed the porch. As a gentleman, Edward opened the front door for me. To my surprise, the hall was empty, but quiet voices were coming from the kitchen.

The smell of cooking food completed that impression.

"They're so excited," I hadn't noticed when Edward came closer. He whispered those words to me, as if he was sharing a big, big secret. "They really wanted to amaze you. I don't know what they have cooked, but…"

"… but if it's bad, Bella will never acknowledge that!"

I turned and noticed Emmet standing near the stairs. He was wearing an apron which looked surprisingly small on his broad chest. Emmet spread his hands wide apart, smiling. Interesting, he was always that… big?

"Hi, Bella! I really missed you!" he confessed.

I had seen almost all the Cullens, except for Emmet, Rose and Jasper. We hadn't seen each other since my 18th birthday party that turned out to be a little sad tragedy. Weird, but we were coming back to the past again…

Still, I was happy to see Emmet. He stood motionless until I came closer and hugged me, just like it was normal for a vampire to do that.

"Nice to see you again," I said quietly, knowing that he would hear me.

Emmet's hug was so strong that he could count my ribs. Edward sighed theatrically behind us. Emmet grinned. He let me go and looked at me from head to toe.

"Age suits you. Are you still blushing like a garden rose?"

Or course, I blushed immediately after hearing his words. Emmet laughed again.

"Good!"

I turned and looked at Edward. He rolled his eyes, watching us.

"It's ridiculous," he murmured.

"We've cooked dinner for you, Bella" said Emmet, grinning. "Prepare to me amazed!"

The rest of the family was waiting for us in the kitchen. A few burred figures were dancing around the table, making last preparations. My heart began pounding again; it was too hard to get hold of myself.

Everyone pretended to me surprised to notice me, although they all had sensed my smell when Edward and I arrived there. Esme came closer and hugged me.

"Welcome back," he said in a mild, comforting tone. I noticed the smell of her caramel hair. "We have been waiting for you."

"We hope you'll like the dinner," Carlisle joined Esme. He kissed me just like an attentive caring father.

Rose was standing in the distance. She smiled, greeting me, but didn't get closer. I smiled back, realizing that I had already forgotten how astonishingly beautiful she was. Rosalie was perfect. She was a real work of art. I wasn't jealous, but…

Jasper stood near the kitchen table. His smile wasn't as forced as it used to be in the past, but, apart from that, he looked the same.

"Hi, Bella. It's great to see you again."

If Jasper recalled my birthday party too – he ignored that memory. I was even thankful for that.

"Hello, hello, hello!"

Alice appeared out of nowhere, jumped to my side, pushed Esme and Carlisle away and hugged me. Everybody laughed, although I seemed to see Rose screwing up her nose. She had never understood Alice's friendship with me.

Alice let me go and examined my look carefully.

"I knew that you'd choose something boring," she said, glancing at my clothes. "But I think we can fix that when you'll…"

"Alice…" Edward interrupted her suddenly.

Alice stopped talking. She and her bother exchanged looks. I felt anxious again. What was going on? It seemed like they had been hiding something from me.

But before I asked my question, I was interrupted again.

"Right… Dinner time?" Alice asked, changing the subject.

The Cullens leaded me to the dinner table. Only after examining it in full, I noticed that it was served for one person only. It was… awkward. How would it look? The Cullens were going to stand near and watch me eat?

At the same time I had to admit that the table serving looked great.

"It's beautiful," I touched tablecloth made of a heavy expensive fabric. The table was set perfectly, every detail matched, just like I was visiting a good restaurant.

"I've decided to recall my past memories," Rose confessed, surprising me. "I liked to serve the table at my house when I was human. It's a hobby I always liked…"

I gave her pitiful look. I didn't want to pity her, of course not, but I couldn't stop doing that when I noticed her look. Rosalie loked sad, she seemed to miss her human past, even now, when she had Emmet and the whole eternity of spending life together. My heart bled for her. I began to see the real Rose now. When I was younger, I saw only Rosalie's beauty, but her soul was beautiful too.

* * *

The dinner was great. The Cullens managed to cook an amazing three-course meal. Everything tasted really good and was cooked perfectly, especially roasted meat.

"So…" Emmet leaned on the dinner table, watching me. Rose gave him a dirty look. She really worried about Esme's favourite kitchen table. "Did you guess who actually cooked this?"

I stopped eating and looked back at him, wide-eyed.

"It's you?" I asked in astonishment. Emmet was the last person I would imagine cooking. What a strange world…

He laughed.

"Unlike the others, I had a normal life as human. I knew how to cook, and I still remember some part of that stuff," he confessed. "It's even easier now, when I'm a vampire. I can feel the dish's readiness by its smell."

I looked at the Cullens. They learned to find something new in every day of their immortal life. It's amazing how different persons with different habits and different past managed to live under one roof. When I was a teenager, I didn't think about that too.

Esme and Carlisle did a great job for having the life they had today.

When my dinner was over, Edward touched my shoulder gently. I looked around, realizing that almost everyone had vanished from the room, except for Edward and Esme. Mother and son exchanged looks. I frowned. What was going on?

"Don't you want to take a little walk with me?" Esme asked, smiling.

"Great idea," Edward added, pretending to examine the kitchen. "I think I need some time for clearing the table."

They both looked anxious, but vampires didn't worry about anything… Did they?

"I'm sorry for this little show," Esme said, smiling again when we went outside. "But we wanted to please you."

We were making lazy long steps down the road. I must have been so difficult for Esme – to be so slow, but she didn't complain. Edward's mother was calm and charming, just like she always was, and it gave me some comfort.

"Thank you for an invitation," I said. "The dinner was really great."

"I'm really glad to see you here," Esme confessed. "Everything must have changed for you now. You grew up, got married… Life changes people."

I suddenly remembered that Esme was married in her mortal life, before she met Carlisle.

Esme must have been thinking about her past too.

"I still remember my human life," she continued. "It's only blurred memories, but I still recall the moment when I realized that the time was running out. One day you get up and see that life differs from the dream in your head. It can be cruel and even ugly, but that's what life really looks like. It's the moment when you have to wake up."

I didn't know what to say, although I knew what Esme was talking about. I had the same feeling today when I saw the Cullen's house again.

"Life was cruel to me too," Esme added. "When I first met Carlisle, I was dazzled by him. He became the ideal of a man for me, and I had been dreaming about meeting somebody like him one day. But life… real life doesn't look like that, you know?" she sighed. "In the end, I married the man my parents chose for me."

I guessed that Esme had no desire to recall that part of memories. Her voice started sounding bitter.

She paused a little.

"That's why I was glad to know that you had been trying to build your life anew when Edward left you."

The end of Esme's speech sounded weird and unexpected. I stumbled, but managed to stay on my feet.

"Really?"

"Yeah," unlike me, Esme didn't feel uncomfortable. "You can't spend your life, waiting for a perfect man. Real life is much more complicated. I've told Edward about that."

The situation felt weird again. I was surrounded by vampires, ancient monsters from movies and books. I returned to the fairytale, as if last seven years had never existed. But, on the other hand, everything there reminded me that there was no turn back. I couldn't return the past.

I felt anxious again.

Esme suddenly stopped.

"Did Edward tell you why we invited you here today?" she asked evasively. She was smiling again, but her smile looked forced.

"No," I said. "I asked Edward about it once, but his answer wasn't very clear."

Esme chuckled nervously.

"I wanted to speak about something personal… about your husband, as you could guess…"

Oh. That's why Esme mentioned her human marriage. She wanted to begin speaking about Dave, but had no idea how to start the conversation.

"Do you want to speak about Dave?" I couldn't hide my surprise.

Esme laughed.

"Yes. I know it sounds strange. But it concerns Tanya, and…"

I tried to combine these parts together. Alice was watching visions about Tanya driving somewhere. Edward said that she would fall in love with somebody who lived not far away from Forks…

And then I got it.

"Do you think Tanya will fall in love with Dave?"

Esme shrugged apologetically.

"We can't know it for sure. That's why I wanted to speak with you - to get them a chance to find it out."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't jealous, but Dave and I used to be married, and the idea of finding a soul mate for him sounded ridiculous. I hoped to leave that part of my life in the past without turning back. On the other hand, I always wished Dave to be happy. I wished him to find somebody who would see the beauty of his soul.

Esme was right- real life was cruel.

"Do you want me to introduce Dave to Tanya?" I guessed. I still couldn't believe what was happening. Strange, strange Wonderland…

Esme nodded.

"Sounds weird, right?"

* * *

Victoria was examining the room. The air was stuffy and dusty there, but she couldn't open windows – officially, the owners of the house had been on vacations. It wasn't hard to get inside or find out that the house was empty: mail box was filled with post. Moreover, Victoria didn't smell any fresh scent nearby. Only dust.

After a short examination, she sat in a chair, holding the phone in her hand. That's why Victoria was there. Apart from Laurent, she didn't have a permanent phone number. It was much easier for Victoria to make calls from empty houses.

"Hey, honey," Laurent seemed to be pleased. "I was waiting for your call."

"Do you have any news?" she asked. Victoria stood up and began waltzing around the room.

"Not that much. But I have something you'd like to hear."

"What did you find out?"

Victoria was staring at family's photos. Stupid tasty people…

"Well, you were right," Laurent laughed. "I have to admit that I was wrong about you. I didn't believe that you would be right about Chicago…"

"The Cullen boy and his human are going to be there?" she asked hungrily.

Actually, Victoria couldn't know it for sure, but her instincts were really good. Laurent got all the information she needed. Victoria knew everything about the Cullens now, and, especially, Edward. The boy appeared to be so introspective, so full of doubt, so connected to the past. He was constantly glancing back. After finding it out, Victoria guessed he would return in Chicago one day. But Edward couldn't do this alone…

"He's planning that," Laurent said. "His crazy sister watches it in her visions."

Victoria put smile on her face. She had been planning that for the last seven years, and her plan began turning into reality. Edward was so weak. He worried about his Bella too much, and that was his big mistake. That road café was the only place where his tiny human could eat and refresh herself before going to Chicago. Victoria knew he would stop there. Edward was an overprotective boyfriend. His obsession saved Bella then, in Phoenix, but it also killed James…

Victoria clenched her teeth.

"If you want to save your ass, I recommend you stay away from Chicago," she advised to Laurent. "I hope you're not afraid to leave Irina. I don't think she'll dally with you after all what you've done for me."

Laurent laughed again. He appeared to be much better friend that Victoria ever thought.

"I don't regret anything. The Cullens made this decade very funny."

Victoria was going to finish the conversation, when Laurent added:

"Can I ask you a question?"

She didn't answer, but didn't hang up, so Laurent considered that as "yes".

"How do you plan to deal the problem with the Cullens? Their coven is too big."

Victoria smiled. She didn't need to get her hands dirty - she had the Volturi for that. Victoria left their phone number to Daniel, the café owner, and he would phone them after seeing the girl. All what she needed to do was to bring trouble, big enough to make the Volturi come to America.

And Victoria had planned that too.

It was the hunt, and the deer was getting closer to the trap.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 A question**

I was fussing around, unable to calm down. I was a vampire, and I got out of the habit of getting worried, but I couldn't stop my anxiety now.

It didn't take much time for me to clear up the table. I was standing near the glass wall, staring at the place where Esme and Bella were walking. I wasn't supposed to go with them. My sisters considered that to be a bad idea.

"Esme is going to talk to Bella about her husband. You'll spoil everything if you go with them," Rosalie said, warning me.

I had to admit that her words made sense. I shouldn't have been involved with that. It wasn't my business… but it was business, right?

I went to the piano. I wasn't in a good mood for playing, so I was just staring at keys, thinking about some imaginary melody I could play some day.

An easy wind blew, and Alice appeared at the room. She paused a little, watching the future, and then joined me, sitting on the bench beside me. I could feel light touch of her small shoulder.

"You're sad," she noticed, watching my expression.

I chuckled.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

"You need to pull yourself together, Edward. Esme needs to speak with Bella. Privately. It's decided," she noticed.

Yes. It was decided. Before planning the dinner, we had another long conversation about that.

"Are you sure it's polite to make Bella introduce Dave to Tanya?" Esme asked when Carlisle and I returned home and all family members began the discussion. After hearing the news, Carlisle wasn't as optimistic as Alice and me. Like Esme, Dad wasn't thinking only about Tanya. He was thinking about Bella's feelings too.

"We have to speak with her anyway," Alice was confident. The future in her mind was clear like Esme's favourite tableware. She didn't hesitate and didn't feel any discomfort.

"But the situation still looks uncomfortable," Carlisle noticed in a polite tone. He agreed with Esme. "Of course, we all wish Tanya the best, but we need to think about Bella too. Dave is a very important part of her personal life."

 _Personal life._ I was going to wrinkle my nose, thinking about that. I didn't have to be jealous, but the only thought of Bella kissing that guy was driving me crazy. And she wasn't only kissing him…

I sighed, unable to deal with jealousy. Rose gave me a quick glance, but didn't say anything.

"We need to talk to Bella," Alice kept repeating the same words. "It's going to be impolite if we plan everything behind her back."

"Well, it's going to be funny anyway," Emmet noticed, grinning. Only try to imagine what a wonderful conversation it's going to be. "Don't worry about your ex, Bella. We have just found a new girlfriend for him. By the way, could you introduce them to each other?"

"Emmet!" Rose cried, punching him slightly in his back.

"What?" he laughed. "It's your idea!"

"Are you sure that their meeting is really going to happen?" Jasper asked, looking Alice in the eye.

"Of course, I'm!" my little sister rolled her eyes. "It's inevitable. That's why we need to tell Bella about that. It's going to happen anyway."

"So, maybe, we shouldn't get involved with that?" Carlisle suggested. "We tell Bella the news, but we won't ask her for anything else."

Alice looked skeptical.

"If I saw Tanya and Dave meeting each other without our help, I wouldn't start this conversation. We have to help them. Love takes time, you know."

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes again.

"I mean that love at first sight itsn't their story. Just like yours, Edward. Don't you remember your first impression of Bella?"

I still didn't get what Alice meant. My love for Bella was unconditional. It was difficult for me to imagine my life without her…

Rose's quiet chuckle woke me up.

"You don't remember, do you?" she whispered.

Confused by Rose's chuckle, I concentrated again, making my memory move backward. A half second later which tasted like eternity I recalled Bella's first day at school. I knew her name and her appearance before I actually saw her. Bella was a local star, and every boy was trying to get her attention…

.. and then I remembered that I didn't find her interesting. At least, I didn't consider Bella to be special while watching her image in strangers' heads.

How could it be possible?

Another conversation, the conversation my family had after I saved Bella's life, came to my mind.

" _Alice sees him falling for a human! How classically Edward!"_

It wasn't love at first sight. My love for Bella grown day after day, it was inevitable, but it wasn't an immediate feeling. Damn it. My family was right.

"It's unfair," I mumbled.

"Well, you just weren't as lucky as us, loser,' Emmet chuckled again. Unlike me, his story with Rosalie looked like love at first sight.

Rose gave him a dirty look.

Funny, but Emmet was right there too. Everyone, except for me, experienced that feeling. Carlisle was an ideal of a man for Esme when she met him in her human life. Carlisle saw something in her too, something more than usual compassion, although he didn't understand it at that time. The same thing happened to Rosalie. She couldn't explain why she decided to save Emmet's life, but she did it. After meeting Rose, Emmet mistook her for a beautiful angel. He would fall for her anyway. Alice and Jasper… well, it was predictable. Literally.

I shook my head. Would I fall in love with Bella if her smell wasn't so attractive to me?

"What are we going to do, then?" I asked, looking at Alice. My mind was exhausted. I was ready to give up.

"If Alice is right, and our interference is needed…" Carlisle began saying.

 _Of course, I'm right!_ Alice cried in her mind.

"… we must help Tanya, then. She's the part of our family. We need to help her have a chance to be happy."

"But we need to speak with Bella about it too. We can't make her help us, but we need to tell her about it. It will be honest," Esme added.

…Bella and Mom were having a conversation now, alone, hidden in the forest's shadow. It didn't mean than we didn't hear them, but it gave Esme and Bella some privacy… or the illusion of privacy.

"Esme is getting closer to the main part of the conversation," I noticed, listening to their voices carefully.

"Yeah, I know," Alice said absent-mindedly.

She was scanning the future, and I looked in her mind automatically, watching it too. I was too curious, and I couldn't let myself waiting. How would Bella react to that news?

Alice sighed.

"Her answer remains unclear. It seems like… she won't say "yes"".

"But she won't say "no" either," I noticed, watching her last vision. "It's not an easy question. Bella needs some time to think."

"She'll be upset," Alice added with another sigh.

I signed too. Bella would be disappointed, and it's totally my fault. It's my fault…

"I'm going to spend a night in her bedroom today," I said, mostly, to myself. "I need to fix it somehow."

 _You won't be there,_ I heard in Alice's mind. Her new vision showed a closed window in Bella's room. Bella wouldn't want to see me.

My frozen heart was bleeding. Damn it. I wasn't supposed to feel pain…

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" I asked, blurting out the question that frightened me the most. "I want to be with Bella. But what if... what if it's not enough? What if she needs something I can't give to her?"

Alice thought about it for a while. In the end, she was my best friend. We both were freaks; we had to support each other for decades. I truly considered her as my sister although we weren't actually related.

 _Well, I don't think I should worry about it_ , she thought finally. The words in Alice's mind sounded confident.

"Why?"

 _Of course, you can't give her everything than human boyfriend can give to her_ , she answered. _You are frozen in time, and you will always look like a teenager. And you two can't start a normal family that humans actually have,_ Alice continued _. But it seems that Bella isn't interested in that. She had been married already. She had a chance to start a new life with Dave, but she didn't want it. So don't worry about it. Maybe, you are exactly what Bella wants._

Her words made me think about it too. Alice was right. I hadn't seen Bella for seven years, but I gave her an opportunity to start her life anew. I suddenly imagined her, cooking in her own house, with a small kid playing beside her…Rose would pay everything for that normal, ordinary, boring life, but Bella didn't want it. I'd never thought about the fact that Bella didn't want it.

I made a huge mistake when I left Bella. I was making decision for both of us instead of listening to Bella's opinion about her future. She was ready to sacrifice her human life for the chance to stay with me. Bella was ready to get immortality, she wasn't afraid to become a monster, and I didn't appreciate it…

A sudden idea came to my mind. Probably, I still had a real chance to win Bella's attention. Perhaps, I still had something to offer…

My future began to change. Alice frowned, watching a new blurred vision. She froze.

"Well, that's unexpected," she murmured at last. "Are you sure you are going to speak with her about that?"

* * *

My conversation with Esme appeared to be… stressful. Anxiety and nervousness influenced my answer.

I didn't say yes, but didn't say no either. To be frank, I was so confused that I couldn't say anything.

Esme accepted my answer with understanding.

"You can think about it as long as you want," she noticed. "It's only a question, after all."

Esme suggested driving me home. While leaving the Cullen's house, I felt Edward's stare on me. I wasn't sure that I wanted to see him at night, so, after returning home I closed the window in my bedroom. I really needed some time to think.

Why did I feel so disappointed? I had no answer. I shouldn't have felt so bad… but I did. It felt like I was the only single friend surrounded my happy married couples. I felt desperately lonely.

I knew it was silly. There was no point in feeling that way, but I did. I felt so unhappy. On the other hand, I still wished Dave the best. He deserved to be happy, and I knew I had no feelings for him now. It wasn't jealousy, but… I didn't know how to fulfill Esme's request.

In the end, I decided that it was too much. I was grateful that the Cullens warned me about it... but I didn't want to participate in that business anymore.

I was lying in my bed, unable to sleep, my head full of heavy thoughts. When it started getting brighter outside, and first rays of light colored the air in a new shade, I fell into uneasy sleep.

* * *

I opened the window in the late morning. I felt awful. A short sleep didn't help me at all, and my whole body seemed to belong to a stranger I had never known.

A hot shower let me to relax a little. I spent some time, examining my face in an old mirror. It was partly cracked and covered with old stains, impossible to wash away. My pale tired face wasn't perfect too. I was getting older, and now, examining myself, I felt sudden grief and despair.

What I was going to do with my whole life?

When I returned to my bedroom, Edward had been already there, waiting for me and sitting in my old rocking chair.

"You already know what I've decided, right?" I asked without saying hi.

I stepped closer and sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. Edward smiled softly.

"Yes. Alice saw it."

I sighed.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to do it … it's too awkward," I confessed.

Edward nodded.

"I understand," he said quietly.

He looked away, avoiding my glance, and I frowned, realizing that something was wrong. Edward turned into a statue again. A frozen figure from an old and dusty museum.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, anxious again.

He frowned, thinking about something. Did Edward look… disappointed?

And then he looked me in the eye, throwing off the mask he was wearing. I saw a grimace of pain painted on his marble face.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course."

Edward paused a little. After some hesitation, he asked:

"Do you still love him?"

 _Jealousy_. That's what was haunting him. I didn't even try to hide a smile. In the end, I had experienced something similar too…

"No, I don't think so," I confessed. It was embarrassing– to speak about Dave with Edward - but I felt that I needed to finish this conversation. "I'll be okay, but I'm not sure I really want participate in all of this."

Edward nodded, digesting my words.

I examined his face. It was weird and funny at the same time to see Edward being jealous, but it also reminded me that he still had feelings for me. Since we were trying to become friends again, Edward didn't show his feelings openly as if he was afraid to scare me away. Poor Edward. Was I torturing him too?

Edward sighed again, and then smiled, dazzling me. He was too close, and I felt that my heartbeat was rising. I forgot about that…

"So…" he started, changing the subject. "What are we going to do today?"

Speaking of happy couples. I didn't have time to visit Angela, although Carlisle had already sent her home with her newborn daughter.

"It would be nice to see Angela," I said, recalling her kind friendly face. My friend was so nice to me, even if I didn't deserve it. "But I need to buy something for her child. I'll be impolite to visit her without a gift."

A ringing phone interrupted me. Edward chuckled.

"I guess I know who wants to help us with that."

It was Alice, of course.

"She says she can arrive here in fifteen minutes," Edward said after listening to her endless monologue. "What do you think?"

I smiled.

"Doesn't she see what I'm going to answer?"

Edward laughed, and I admired him involuntarily.

* * *

Alice's shiny car parked in front of the porch less than sixteen minutes later. She was in a very good mood.

"It's so great that you had got an idea of visiting Port-Angeles!" she cried in her melodic voice. "I have been planning a shopping trip for a very long time!"

Of course, we needed to go to Port-Angeles if we wanted to find a nice present for Angela's baby, but I knew I wasn't going to play Alice's crazy games.

"Don't dream big," I warned her immediately. "The present must be modest or Angela will never accept it… And I'm not going to buy anything else today."

I ran out of money, actually, but I wasn't going to tell Alice about it. She shrugged.

"Well, you're grown up now. It's your decision," she suddenly answered, surprising me again.

What was she up to?

Edward laughed, listening to sister's words.

"Alice wants to tell you that she doesn't consider herself to be a grown-up person," he explained her joke to me.

Alice's melodic laugh echoed in the car.

"Everyone knows that, stupid. I'm a spoiled child."

Edward shook his head.

I was watching them arguing, laughing and talking, and feeling something strange growing inside of my heart. I realized that I got used to the Cullens again, got used to their presence too quickly, and, possibly, it wasn't good at all. What would I do if they changed their mind and vanished into thin air tomorrow?

Our shopping tour was short, but very productive. I found a nice bright yellow coat for Angela's baby, comfortable and warm enough for Forks's rainy weather. My gift was going to be practical, and I thought that Angela would like it.

Alice chose presents for Angela's daughter too.

"I think that's too much," I said honestly, staring at a pile of toys in her tray. "Do you think Angela will really accept it?"

Alice froze, watching the future.

"She'll be too shocked," she answered confidently after a pause. "I'm going to use it as an advantage."

I shook my head. Alice never changed.

While we were shopping, Edward left us, visiting the bookstore. I felt jealous of him going there; I wished I could buy something too. Unfortunately, I really lacked money, so I was persuading myself that I really didn't need anything. New books could wait.

To my surprise Edward offered me a few paperback books when we returned to the car.

"I thought you'd like to read something new," he said, smiling. "The books you had in the hospital were horrible."

I glanced at Alice. Did she know?

She laughed, but shook her head.

"It wasn't me! I swear."

I touched books' covers. Their smell must have been perfect…

"Thanks," I said quietly.

Edward smiled again, and he looked so happy that I smiled back. I was unable to resist his charm.

 _Again._

* * *

I was looking out of the window, catching fast blurred green forest shapes. I was exhausted after shopping and didn't notice one important change that happened in the car. Alice became quiet, and that was unusual for her. Edward didn't say a word too, and only his fast glances at me though the rear-view mirror reminded me of his presence.

I frowned, listening to that creepy silence. Did I miss anything?

"Is everything okay?" I asked when that silence turned into eternity.

Alice had seen something new, definitely. That's why the Cullens became so quiet again.

I expected her to give me an answer, but Edward said softly:

"Everything's fine, Bella. There's nothing to worry about."

"Yeah," Alice added, her voice sounded normal. "I actually see that the weather is getting better now... How's about having a little walk?"

"Sounds great," said Edward before I managed to answer her. He turned to my side. "How's about visiting our glade, Bella? Just you and me. The weather will be perfect."

Oh, that's what Alice had seen in her vision. She saw me and Edward having a walk together.

"Okay," I answered. In the end, what else could I answer?

We drove ahead a little, and then Edward suggested to continue our walk by foot. Alice promised to drive my purchases to Charlie's house directly.

"I'll take care about everything, Bella," she said before driving away. "I can cook for Charlie, if you'll be late."

I furrowed my brow, but didn't say anything.

There was something weird about it, but Alice was right – the weather was getting better. The air was wet and cold in the morning, but the sun appeared at the sky now, and all dampness was fading away. I smiled, looking up and letting the light touch my cheeks. I hadn't seen the real sun in years…

"You look beautiful," Edward suddenly murmured.

I turned my stare to him, and he smiled his best crooked smile I always liked. The green forest surrounded us. We were making lazy short steps ahead. I blushed. I still hadn't learned to receive compliments.

"Actually, I asked you to take a walk with me for a reason," Edward continued. "I wanted to speak with you privately."

I stumbled, recalling half-forgotten words.

 _Come for a walk with me_ _._ New moon. That's how that conversation started, the conversation that divided my life into two different parts. I looked around, realizing that all was repeating again. Edward and I were going to have a private chat in the woods.

All color vanished from my pale cheeks.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked, his voice sounded worried. He must have thought that I hurt my leg when I stumbled.

"It's okay," I said automatically. I didn't want to show him my anxiety. I learned to hide my true feelings. "What did you want to speak about?"

Edward's cold voice appeared inside of my head, the voice from the past, the voice from my nightmares.

 _Bella, we're leaving_ _._

Edward took a deep breath. After getting closer, he took my hands carefully as if he was trying to warm them. We stopped, but my heart galloped, reflecting my confusion and panic.

He was too close, much closer than he allowed himself to step. I felt Edward's perfect smell that always dazzled me. I looked down, blushing again, because if I looked at his face, it would confuse me immediately.

I wanted to keep my head clear. At least, I wanted to try.

"I had a lot to think about," Edward said. "And, first of all, I want to apologize."

I gave up and looked him in the eye. Edward's eyes turned into flame, dangerous and wild. I was bewitched.

"Apologize for what?" I mumbled. I must have looked so miserable.

Edward smiled, and his smile was full of sadness now. He stretched out his hand and touched my cheek gently.

"I want to apologize for leaving," he whispered, and I realized that he was thinking about our past too. We always returned to the past. "I made a huge mistake, Bella. I though that it was for your own good… I thought that time would heal everything. I'm sorry. I didn't give you a chance to make your own decision."

I didn't know what to say. I was empty. I had been angry for so many years… and I didn't know what to do now. While waiting for Edward and grieving, I wished I could tell him all that had hurt me. I wished I could return this pain to Edward.

And I didn't know how to do this now.

Edward kept patting my cheek. He looked sad - his eyes showed his true age and true feelings. I was dazzled by him but I could also say that his sorry was real.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered again, teasing and confusing me even more. "And I'm so proud of you being so strong and brave. You survived here without me, and you tried to live your own life... I would never be able to do that."

I smiled nervously.

"I'm not that brave. And I don't think I really managed to live without you. I've lost seven years, Edward. I'm grown up now…"

My heart was squeezing with pain, but I needed to say it.

"I'm a grown up with broken dreams," I confessed.

Edward shook his head.

"I messed everything up, Bella."

Edward made another step closer, and I was lost in him. It was so difficult for me to think clear. He was too close. He was too close…

While I was too dazzled to understand what was going on, Edward pulled my face up to his and kissed me. I felt soft touch of his lips… They should have been cold, right? Oh God, I forgot everything…

He wasn't as careful as I remembered him to be. Edward froze for a second, waiting for my reaction, and, after making sure that I had nothing against it, he continued the kiss. My heart was betraying me again, and, thankfully, that was something I still remembered. My pulse quickened, and I felt how the heat was filling every cell of my body. My fingers knotted in his hair. I forgot how to breathe, and all my feelings sharpened. I forgot about that too. Dave never kissed me like that.

"Bella…"

I looked into his eyes, whose gold turned into boiling lava.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said, "and I can help you repair your broken dreams."

It was too difficult for me to understand what Edward was talking about.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

Edward was scanning my face.

"I was too selfish, Bella…" he paused a little, and then said with a new smile: "But I'm starting to change now…"

I still didn't get it.

"I can make you a vampire. I can change you, if you still want it," Edward finally explained. "I'm offering you to share an eternal life with me, Bella."

I froze, unable to say a word.

* * *

 **Writer's note:** sorry if you see some mistakes in this chapter, but I've already read it so many times that I can't find anything now...


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 Choice**

"It was a huge surprise, but I'm so glad that you've decided to visit me!" said Renee for the 5th time since my arrival in Florida.

I smiled politely. I wished Mom continued thinking that I came there because of her.

The real reason for my visit was Edward. His propose left me numb, breathless, unable to say a word. I turned into a motionless statue and literally forgot how to breathe. I didn't know what to answer. I was too shocked, and I didn't know what to do.

"Bella?" Edward asked, his voice anxious, when I didn't reply and the pause between us started sounding creepy. "Are you all right?"

Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. I had to agree with those words. Before Edward and I had separated, I was dreaming about immortality - I was waiting for that moment to come. I was obsessed with Edward, obsessed with his perfection, his beauty, his only presence. His stare at me lighted fire, and that fire was burning inside of my body, making me blush. Yes, I really wanted to become a vampire. It was supposed to be a part of my future, and I couldn't wait for it any longer.

I still remembered my young desires and dreams, but I was too shocked, so, after making a deep breath, I just answered:

"I need to think about it… Is that fine?"

My answer surprised Edward. Perhaps, Alice's vision was different, or she had no vision of future at all. Anyway, Edward wasn't prepared for that. His face froze for a second, and then he shook his head slightly, trying to pull himself together.

Before Edward wore his frozen mask again, I managed to read everything on his pale face. Shock. Surprise. Wonder. Misunderstanding.

"Sure," he said in his velvet, perfect tone. Edward looked around, probably, trying to calculate the distance between my house and the place where we stayed. "Let me…"

I shook my head.

"No. I know this place," I answered quickly, "I won't get lost."

I needed to go. I needed to run from there. Run from Charlie, from Forks, form constant fog and rain, run from Edward and his dazzling smile and from the Cullens who interfered into my life for too long.

Before Edward said a word, I turned away from him and went deep into the woods. Edward could easily catch and stop me, but he didn't follow me. I didn't hear anything while I was making fast hurry steps toward home. I left him in the forest, alone with his sudden grief. That idea made me laugh, although that laugh wasn't happy. The story was repeating again, only Edward and I replaced each other now.

I returned home become Charlie came back from work. Alice had already been there. She left my belongings in my bedroom and vanished as if she had never visited. Perhaps, she had already seen my answer.

"You're quiet today," Charlie noticed. "Something happened?"

We were sitting at the kitchen table, Charlie - finishing his dinner, me – pretending that I had already eaten.

"No, it's okay," I said, perhaps, too quickly, and then smiled, trying to correct my mistake. "Just tired, that's all."

Charlie chuckled.

"Shopping tour with Alice wasn't easy, hah?"

"Something like that," our trip seemed to be centuries ago. "You know Alice. Sometimes she can be... overenthusiastic."

Dad nodded.

"I know that. But it's good for you to go out sometimes, right? I'm glad you went to Seattle,' he confessed. "You spent too much time under this roof, honey."

I looked at Charlie. He worried about me, but he had no idea what was going on inside of my head. We were very close now, maybe, much closer than I was with Renee when I lived in Florida. Dad and I were so similar, and it usually helped, but… I knew I couldn't ask him for advice. Not now.

Maybe, that time Renee was all what I really wanted?

"Yeah, it was nice to go shopping," I answered. I decided not to trouble Dad with my problems. "I forgot how it feels – leaving home."

Of course, I lived in Seattle after my marriage with Dave, but that period of my life was short and left nothing except for blurred memories. Forks was all what I remembered.

"Maybe, it would be nice to visit Mom some day," I suddenly added. Renee's image was flashing before my eyes. "I haven't seen Florida for ages."

Charlie nodded.

"Sounds great, Bells. I think Renee will be glad to see you," he said, and Dad was so confident that I knew – he really liked that idea. "Actually, it's a good sign, you know. You're getting out of your shell."

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly harsh.

Charlie stretched out his hands, as if giving up.

"You haven't spoken about visiting Jacksonville for so long," he answered. "I can't really remember the day when you planned to go to see Renee… I'm just saying."

There was nothing bad in Dad's words, but it sounded a bit offensive. Despite that, I knew that Charlie was right.

"When are you planning to see Renee?" Charlie said after finishing his dinner. He wanted to go to the living room and watch another game, but we needed to finish our conversation first.

I got up and took an empty plate.

"I don't know," I was honest.

To be frank, it was quite problematic. The price on the tickets was enormous, so…

"If you need money, I can give them to you," Charlie said suddenly.

I shuttered and almost slipped out the plate. Did Charlie read my mind? That was creepy!

"No, it's okay. You shouldn't spend your money on me," I said immediately. It was too shameful for me to get money from Charlie. I'd better work more in Newton's than do that. "I think it's a bit early to speak about that."

"Well," Charlie got up too, prepared to leave the kitchen, "I just think that you need to know that. If you need any help, I'm always there to help you."

Sincere, simple Charlie's care was priceless, it was much more important that dozens of beautiful words. I smiled to him, knowing how difficult it was for Charlie to show his love openly.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm glad to know it."

He nodded shortly, finally content, and I knew that our conversation was over.

* * *

I went upstairs to my room to google tickets' price when I heard the doorbell ringing. I frowned, checking time. Charlie and I weren't very communicative, and we didn't expect any visitors. We usually had no visitors, except for Charlie's assistant or his old friend Billie Black. Who was our unexpected guest?

I froze in my chair, listening to Dad's steps. To my surprise, after a short pause Charlie suddenly cried:

"Bella, can you go downstairs? It's for you."

"Who's that?" I whispered to Charlie, walking down the stairs. Dad had already returned to the living room and his baseball game.

"It's me, Bella," I heard a melodic voice. Of course, it wasn't difficult for Alice to hear my quiet whisper. I blushed. It looked stupid…

"Yeah, it's Alice, Bells," said Charlie without turning to me. "She needs to talk to you. It's important."

Alice was waiting for me in the corridor. It was raining outside, and small water drops glittered on her short raven hair. She didn't smile to me when I came closer. Bad sign.

"Something happened?" I asked without saying hello. The situation was uncomfortable, and I had no desire to continue it.

Alice wrinkled her nose.

"Yeah, somebody just broke my brother's heart," she answered, "but it's not why I'm here tonight."

I looked back at Charlie, checking if he was listening, but Dad was too focused on the game.

I turned back and sighed.

"So, what happened?"

"I've just seen a new vision of you going to Florida, so I think that you may need this."

I didn't notice when she opened her purse, took out some papers and offered them to me.

"What's that?" I asked, accepting them.

"Your tickets to Florida with open dates," Alice answered.

My eyes widened. I expected Alice to blame me for my conversation with Edward, and she brought me the tickets…

"I can't take it," I said, trying to return the tickets. "It's too much."

Alice shook her head.

"It's not. It's the least we can do for you," she paused a little. "Moreover, Carlisle and Esme brought you tickets on your 18th birthday. We knew that you hadn't used them… Let's think it's your second change to accept their gift."

After some hesitation, I surprised myself by taking the tickets back, and a few days later I was already walking along the beach with my Mom. We spent some time, talking about Renee's friends, her new hobbies and different parts of her life that I had missed. Luckily, I was a good listener; I nodded when it was necessary, and shook my head when Mom was talking about something that disappointed her. I was a good daughter. At least, I tried.

Mom, Phil and I had a dinner together, and after finishing with food I volunteered washing dishes. I still remembered that Renee hated it. Phil immediately offered his help, while Mom didn't even hide her delight when her phone rang. She didn't need to help us.

"It's Monica," Mom said, preparing to answer the phone. "I'm going to tell her about your arrival. Right now!"

I shook my head again, smiling. To be frank, I had no idea who was that Monica, but Mom's happiness made me feel happy too. Renee never changed.

When she left, silence filled the kitchen, and I relaxed a little. I had already got out the habit of living in a loud place like that. I forgot about constant heat. Unlike Renee, I changed a lot, and the difference between old and new Bella was significant.

I was washing dishes, Phil – drying it. He accepted my silence, giving me rest that I needed. That was so strange. To be frank, I didn't remember the moment when we spent time together.

"Renee is very glad to see you here," Phil noticed when we almost finished our work. "She missed you."

I wasn't sure about that. Renee loved me, but… everything had changed. For the first time Renee and Phil kept the room in their house for me, thinking that I would change my mind and decide to return to Florida, but a few years later Renee finally gave up, turning my room into a small gym.

Renee stopped waiting for me, and she barely really missed me. Still, I was glad to hear those words from Phil.

"She's so happy," I decided to compliment him on that. "And she seems to be fine… I'm glad that she has somebody who's taking care of her."

I didn't see Phil's face, but I knew that he smiled. We never discussed it, but he really did a great job by trying to turn my mom's life into a fairytale with a happy end. Phil was younger than Renee, too young, as I thought when we first met, but he was much wiser and elder emotionally than my mom.

It immediately reminded me of Edward. Our stories were becoming similar now. Edward looked younger than me, but his soul was old, and he was ready to sacrifice everything for me. Perhaps, it wasn't that bad…

Phil seemed have read my thoughts.

"Well, it's not that easy, you know," he answered. We finished with cleaning the kitchen, and I turned to Phil, meeting his gaze. "Relationship is like a game. While you're playing, the situation changes all the time. Somebody loses, somebody wins... Everything is possible! But, in the end, it doesn't matter..."

I frowned, waiting for his explanation. Phil smiled, and I saw new wrinkles painted on his bronzed face.

"The main thing is the final score. All what lies in the middle is only your way to success, and it works with family too. I can't say that our life is perfect… but who is perfect?"

I nodded. Phil was absolutely right. Nobody was perfect. We all do stupid things.

* * *

Charlie insisted on meeting me at the airport in Port Angeles. His main argument was that I didn't have my truck anymore, and he was the only person who could drive me home. The situation was repeating again, and I immediately recalled my first arrival in Forks and our awkward drive home in Chief's cruiser.

We were silent again, except for the fact that Dad turned on the radio. He frowned, listening to the latest news.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I didn't like Charlie's expression.

Dad sighed and shook his head.

"Serial murders, nor far from New York. Four dead in two weeks. That's disturbing. Hope that cops will find that bastards."

When I didn't reply, he continued the conversation.

"How's Florida?" Charlie asked, changing the subject. "How's Renee and Phil, are they all right?"

The conversation was a bit awkward for Charlie, but he really tried to make it sound normal.

"Everything is fine. Renee said hi. The weather was great..." I imagined a perfect blue sky, "Although, too hot for me."

Charlie nodded, satisfied with answer.

"That's why I don't like visiting Florida. I can't stand the heat. It's a living Hell, you know."

I smiled, but I didn't believe him. The heat wasn't the only reason why Charlie hated travelling. I'm sure he wouldn't go anywhere even if he was asked to see Greenland. My father was one of those people who felt comfortable in their small native town. Dad never dreamed about leaving. He had spent literally decades there, and never got bored. Changes weren't in his nature.

Funny, but Edward's proposal could bring so many changes into my life. I was wondering what Charlie was thinking about that.

"Dad, can I ask you about something?"

"Sure, Bells," Charlie turned off the radio, and awkward silence filled the car again. I felt anxious. "What do you want to ask?"

 _I wanted to ask your opinion about turning into vampire, Dad_. That thought made me smile.

"What would you do if I decided to change?" I asked evasively. Of course, I couldn't tell Charlie the ugly truth.

Charlie frowned.

"What do you mean?"

I was trying to pick up words accurately.

"If I changed something… in my appearance, how would you react to that?"

Dad looked surprised.

"Well, I don't know what's going on inside of your head," he began to say, "but plastic surgery isn't a good idea. I'm sure you look fine, Bells…"

I smiled widely.

"Don't worry. I didn't mean plastic surgery when I asked about that. I'm not going to change myself so… radically."

 _Except for the fact that I had been dreaming of killing my own soul, Dad._

"Ok," Charlie had a big sigh of relief. "What are you talking about, then? Tattoos? Of course, it's nice that you're asking for my permission, but it's your body, and…"

I bit my tongue off or I would start laughing.

"No, it's not what I mean… I'm not planning to beat a tattoo soon, I promise," I let myself smile, hoping that it wouldn't disappoint Charlie.

Dad nodded, as if he really knew what I was trying to talk about.

"I just wanted to ask… What if I had change one day, would you accept the new me?"

That question didn't have to mean anything, and I turned to Charlie, waiting for his answer. I could see Dad thinking, I could see his mind working, like a big old-fashioned computer.

I didn't know what he was going to answer, but he totally shocked me when suddenly asked:

"Do you mean the Cullen epidemic?"

My face fell, my mouth agape. Did he know?

"Wh-hat... what are you talking about?" I really tried to sound confident, but my voice was shaking. "I don't understand."

Charlie sighed again, and his expression looked guilty.

"Well, Billie and I had a conversation quite recently," Dad turned red. "To be frank, he was very upset when I told him about your trip. He didn't like it, and… he reminded me of their old superstitions about the Cullens."

I recalled my old conversation with Jacob on the beach years ago. Oh, no. Did Billie tell Dad about vampires? I suddenly realized how dangerous it could be... Why didn't I think about that earlier, when I was dreaming about becoming a vampire?

"Did you believe him?" I asked. I needed to see how much Charlie knew.

"Of course, not!" he added immediately, perhaps, offended by my question. "I don't believe in fairytales. But you asked about changes, and I remembered about the Cullens too. They never change. That's… weird."

I nodded. Even if Charlie guessed about something, he preferred to ignore the truth. Supernatural wasn't for him.

We spent some time in silence, and that silence didn't sound that bad. I needed some time to think. Then Charlie continued the conversation.

"But if you want to know my opinion about changes, I'll always support you, Bells. You're my daughter. I love you no matter what."

I glanced back at Charlie. It was impossible to get that confession from Dad. He was too shy to show his emotions openly, and if Dad said it – it really meant a lot for him.

And it meant a lot or me too.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He nodded, pretending that nothing special happened.

We didn't speak after that. Dad was watching the road, and I was staring at him, examining his features. The idea of becoming a vampire sounded so silly now. How could I really dream about it? It was so stupid. Obsessed with Mr. Perfection, I became blind. I didn't think about my life and my future. I didn't have any plans. I didn't plan to go to college and didn't think about my future profession.

And I didn't think about my parents. How could I forget about Charlie? Our life wasn't perfect, but my Dad took care about me, and I felt that I needed to do the same in the future. I couldn't leave him. There was no point in accepting Edward's proposal. I had something to lose now…

Sometimes ordinary life could be more valuable that an immortal one.

That was the moment when I realized that I really grew up.

I was going to say no to Edward.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 Blind spot**

When I became a vampire, I thought I had already experienced everything. I fooled Death and went through horrible pain strong as hell. I buried my past and my feelings, hiding my soul in a cold package. I lost my heartbeat, and warmth, and human desires. I tasted human blood, becoming a monster. I lost one family and got another one; I stopped aging and stopped counting time.

But I had never been abandoned before. I was standing in the forest, watching Bella leave, and I was hopeless. Her silhouette was getting smaller, ready to disappear in a heavy green, but I still didn't dare to move. I shouldn't have felt anything, but I felt sorrow. I was dead, but pain was running through my veins, and I was almost ready to cry out, unable to keep my feelings inside.

What should I do now? I had no idea.

I gave her everything, including my silent heart, and it wasn't enough for Bella. I wasn't prepared for that. I was ready for only one answer. Alice's vision wasn't clear, but still…

I felt like I was a fooled angry child, and I didn't know how to run from it.

Run from it. _Run_ …

I turned and went deep into the woods, running as fast as I could. My speed was abnormal, horribly fast, it could possibly be dangerous, but I didn't care about anything. I was running ahead, trying to ignore any sound.

I wished I was deaf, and I'd never heard Bella's answer. I wished I was blind, and I didn't see her shock. I wished I stopped feeling anything, so I wouldn't be so unhappy. Yeah, feeling nothing – that would be perfect…

I almost reached the Canadian border when I noticed two blurred figures chasing me. Before I began running faster, trying to get rid of them, Emmett blocked my way; using that sudden pause as an advantage, Jasper caught my arm.

My family members were the last people I wanted to speak with right now.

"Let me go," I whispered angrily. I wasn't the child anymore.

"No way!" Emmett grinned. "Where are going, little brother?"

"Let me go," I repeated.

I was angry. I wanted to hurt them by saying that we weren't brothers, hoping that it would give me a slight change to leave. Jasper sighed immediately, noticing changes in my emotions, and his sigh meant something bad. A second – and he filled my head with vague fog. Jasper released me from my grief – he stole all my feelings and thoughts.

Great.

I pulled my hand out.

"It's unfair," I murmured.

"It's unfair to leave our parents without a proper explanation, sunshine," Emmett answered. "Don't you think it'll disappoint Carlisle and Esme?"

"It's silly, Edward," Jasper added. He completely agreed with Emmet. Of course, he did. "Running away is the wrong way to solve your problems."

But they didn't understand what had happened. They didn't understand anything…

"She left me," I said quietly, but I knew that they heard me. "I don't want to stay here."

Emmett chuckled, irritating me.

"Who told you that?" he asked in a happy voice as If nothing special happened.

"I'm not that stupid," I muttered. Emmet still didn't want to understand the reason for my grief.

"What did Bella say? She declined your offer?" Jasper asked.

He and Emmett exchanged looks, as if they were hiding something. It woke my anger again, breaking the misty fog created by Jasper.

"Haven't you already predicted that?" I asked sarcastically. "Alice must have seen everything."

Suddenly I got tired, tired of their care, tired of their love and their total control. I envied Bella now. She was free. I wasn't.

"Actually, Alice couldn't see it," Jasper answered evasively.

For a second I saw my sister's sad face, and then Jasper hid that image, blocking his mind from me.

I shook my head. How could it be possible?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hating myself for participating in that conversation. I knew what Emmet and Jasper were trying to do. They were to trying to make me change my mind and stay at home.

There was another worried look between Emmett and Jasper.

"We're trying to say that you can be wrong, Edward. Maybe, you just misunderstood Bella, that's all... What did she tell you?"

I sighed.

"Bella said that she needed some time to think," I said, giving up. There was no point in hiding secrets.

"And you have already come to your own conclusion? Awesome!" Emmet laughed again. Nothing could make him feel sad. "Your brains need to go on vacation, brother."

Did he want to light anger in me?

Jasper sensed my feelings again.

"We just want to say that her answer isn't necessarily bad. Bella didn't say "no"," he tried to comfort me.

"But she didn't say "yes" either. She has no answer… And I don't know what else I can offer," I confessed. "I was going to give her everything I have, and…"

I shrugged, giving up. I was miserable.

"Well, it doesn't mean that Bella doesn't choose you," Jasper noticed. "You offered her an eternity. It's different."

"Yeah, it's not that bad," Emmett continued Jasper's answer. "Even if Bella doesn't want to become a vampire, you still have ages trying to win her heart."

Emmett's idea sounded simple and elegant. I looked up and met his glance. Joy and quiet laugh were dancing inside of Emmet's golden eyes.

He grinned, noticing my expression.

"Need some time to think about that, huh?"

"Great. We can easily arrange that," Jasper stepped closer, and his silhouette looked bright in the darkness. "If you don't want to go home, we can go for a little walk. Just three of us… What do you think?"

"Yeah," Emmett said, making decision for all of us. "It's gonna be nice."

After some hesitation, I nodded. Probably, I really needed my brothers now.

"You mentioned something strange about Alice," I said after cooling down. We were making slow soundless steps ahead. It was getting darker there, but it didn't bother us. Vampire vision had never betrayed us.

"Yeah… Alice has a little problem", Emmet said first.

I looked into Jasper's thoughts and saw Alice's empty face. If she could cry, she would do that, definitely. Alice looked sorrowful, and it shocked me. My sister never gave up so easily.

"She has some problems with new visions," Jasper explained. He knew that I was watching his mind now, but didn't say anything against it.

Alice had problems with her visions? I frowned. Alice had never had problems with her gift.

"What do you mean?" I asked, worried now.

"Well, as you know, she couldn't predict Bella's answer. Plus, she didn't see that you would try to run away."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed with Jasper. "We just found you in time, that's all."

Jasper sighed.

"It seems like something deafens her visions," he added after a short pause.

Jasper looked worried. He tried to hide his concern, and I realized that he needed our little walk too. He didn't want Alice to see his anxiety. Jasper wanted to continue being strong for her, but he also needed help. It was the moment when I finally calmed down. I felt sorry for my silly behavior, but I was glad of the chance to spend time with my brothers. We were family, and I forgot about that.

Disappointed by Bella's answer, I forgot that I had never been alone.

* * *

I didn't hurry to talk to Edward about my decision. Instead of this I spend the rest of the day with Charlie. We ordered pizza and watched the game, or, to be correct, Dad watched it; I enjoyed silence and calmness which was unreal for Renee's lifestyle. Dad seemed to be pleased. It looked like he really missed me.

When Charlie went to work next morning, I pulled myself together and finally phoned Edward. Anxiety woke up in me, and I felt a bit nervous, thinking about an upcoming conversation. The only thought that calmed me down was the fact that Edward, likely, had already known my answer. He had Alice, and Alice knew everything, right?

The weather was good, and we agreed to meet at our meadow. I assured Edward that I was capable of going there by myself without getting any trauma. In the end, I had already visited the meadow when he left me.

The biggest part of my way was good, but it appeared to be that I was more optimistic than I really was. Passing through roots, I managed to stumble and fell on the ground, leaning on my hands and breaking my fall. Luckily, my palms were fine, but I seemed have got a leg strain.

Of course, Edward noticed that when I came out of the woods. By the time of my arrival he was measuring the meadow by feet. After giving me a short glance, Edward ran to me in a second.

"What happened?" he asked, examining my palms.

The cold of his arms didn't scare me at all. On the contrary, I felt like electricity was touching my fingers. It was exciting and almost intimate.

"It's nothing," I answered quickly. "I just fell, that's all. I'm fine."

Edward shook his head.

"Your palms are clear. I don't smell any blood," he murmured. "How's your leg?"

He had noticed that too. Of course, he did. I rolled my eyes.

"I feel a little uncomfortable… but that's okay," I hurried to say when Edward's eyes widened with shock. "I broke that leg in the past. Probably, it's just the memory of old pain…"

Edward sighed, recalling the ballet studio and the day when I broke my leg. Luckily, his sadness was short. A second – and a charming, comforting smile appeared on his face again. Edward tried to look normal, even if it wasn't in his nature.

"Do you want to sit down?"

I nodded, and Edward leaded me to the sunny part of the meadow. Edward had prepared that place, and I noticed a blanket on the grass. Edward was quiet, letting me enjoy his care, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed that he was watching my steps, as if trying to make his own diagnosis. Luckily, he didn't press me, trying to make me accept his help, and it was good. I thanked Edward for his care.

He sat near, and we were sitting in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sun. Funny, but it appeared to differ from the sun in Florida. Its heat wasn't that aggressive and strong, it didn't hurt my fragile skin, and it that was great.

Probably, I got used to Forks completely.

"You are tanned," Edward said suddenly in his velvet tone.

I opened my eyes. He was staring at me, and his stare was full of such care and joy that it melted my heart. I smiled, unable to resist his charm.

"Really?" I asked, examining my skin. To be frank, I merely noticed any difference.

Edward chuckled.

"Probably, it's a bit difficult for a human to notice that, but it's here. Tan suits you," he paused a little. "Did you have a good time in Florida?"

Suddenly I got a desire to share the news with him, and I told Edward everything that I could remember. He was listening to me attentively, adding new questions all the time. Some of them touched upon Renee and Phil, some of them sounded abstract. For example, Edward asked me what color I associated with Florida now.

"Brown," I answered. "It's a color of burning hot earth."

"It's your eye color," he added, smiling.

Edward always confused me by saying the words like that, like he adored me, like I was special.

"So, your trip was good," he summarized.

I nodded.

"Yes. It was nice to see Florida… and I had a lot to think about."

"And what did you decide?" Edward asked that question as if he hadn't known my answer yet, as if he had never had Alice who predicted the future.

I made a deep breath and looked in his deep golden eyes. I worried, but I needed to say my answer.

"You asked me about becoming a vampire," I began saying, "and I really dreamt about it when I was younger, but... I can't, Edward. Everything has changed. I can't make this decision now."

Edward didn't react to words, and I hurried to explain them.

"It's so complicated. I was obsessed with the idea of immortality, but now…" I shrugged. "It sounds so weird now. And I can't leave Charlie," the image of my Dad gave me some strength. "Yeah, I can't leave Charlie," I nodded. "Mom can survive without me, she has her own life, and she has Phil who will take care of her. But Dad… even if wanted to say "yes", I would have to leave Charlie. I know it's silly, but I can't leave Dad all alone here. Even if he finds somebody one day, he'll always worry about me. And I don't want him to grieve instead."

Edward nodded. He knew what I was trying to say. If I became a vampire, I had to leave Forks and fake my own death. It also meant that I had to lose Charlie, lose him forever, and I wasn't ready for that.

"I don't want to fool him," I added quietly. I suddenly heard light sorrow sounding in my voice. "And I want to see Charlie getting older. You were right when you asked me to take care of Charlie."

"And you did," Edward said. He looked away, pretending to examine the meadow. "You are a very good daughter. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Are you mad at me?" I asked carefully. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

Edward smiled and shook his head. Then he looked back at me, and I didn't see nor anger or sadness inside of his eyes. If he felt bad, he didn't show it anyhow.

"No. I have no right for that. It's your decision, and I respect it."

I nodded, feeling relieved.

"To be frank, I was preparing myself for that answer," he confessed. Edward paused at little, trying to find something in my eyes. "But can I ask you something?"

Did his voice tremble? I nodded.

"You refuse to become a vampire or it means something more? You don't want to see me at all?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "I mean, I was speaking about immortality... Everything else is great."

Edward's words scared me. I lost my past dreams, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye – even If I didn't want to think so. I wasn't ready to break the connection between me and Edward. Not here, not now…

Perhaps, I looked like someone who didn't know what he wanted.

Edward smiled, listening to my fast awkward answer, and my words made him so adorably happy that my heart melted.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I'm glad that you want to maintain our friendship. I want it too," he said.

I nodded. I was glad that we discussed it.

We spent a few minutes in a total silence, but that silence was calm and good. Edward was thinking about something. Finally, he looked me in the eye and continued the conversation.

"I was thinking about taking a little trip," Edward said. I turned to him, listening to every word. "I found out something about my human relatives, and I'm planning to visit Chicago, my native city. Do you wanna join me? As a friend," he said quickly, scared that I would change my mind if he mentioned something more. "It's just a little trip, that's all."

I didn't know what was that – improvisation or a smart physiological trick – but it felt like I had no choice. The proposal was fast, unexpected, and if somebody else asked it, I would, probably, refuse that offer. But it was Edward, and I had hurt him already, and I lost myself in his golden eyes now, so…

"Sounds great," I answered. It was less what I could do for him. "I'd be glad."

Edward smiled again, and he looked like a child who got a present at Christmas.

* * *

Edward told me a little about his plans on visiting Chicago. He said that the idea of travelling had been shaping inside of his mind for a very long time, but it became real only after my departure. I had to confess that I had done a little research about his past too. I didn't know how Edward would react to that, so I felt like a caught thief.

"I need to be candid too, then," Edward said, laughing. "To be frank, it was you who gave me that idea."

"Me?"

"Yes. I saw the copy of the document hidden inside of your books..." he pretended to look guilty. "I didn't want to meddle in your own business, but I was too curious... I apologize for that."

"It's okay," iIt was my fault. I needed to me more attentive.

"When you went to Florida, time stopped," Edward added, confusing me again. "And I returned to that idea. Alice saw me driving there, but at first I couldn't see it as a plan. Everything is getting clear now."

"And Alice sees the vision of you visiting Chicago with me?" I asked.

The smile vanished from Edward's face in a second. He shrugged.

"Probably... I don't know," to my surprise, Edward looked sad while explaining that to me. "Alice has some trouble with her visions now. It's some kind of… blind spot."

I frowned. What?

"Blind spot?"

Edward shrugged again.

"Somebody or something is blocking her visions, but she still watches the future time after time. For example, Alice saw you planning to go to Florida and predicted your return, but everything else looked too hazy. Alice is very upset. She doesn't like to live without her gift. The situation is driving her crazy. She is going bonkers."

That's why Edward looked so innocent – he didn't really know what I was going to answer. That was weird. I got used to the fact that Alice knew everything.

"What do you think it can be? Can anybody do it on purpose?"

"We don't know," Edward confessed. "We can't define the nature of these changes. Anyway, we can't trust Alice's visions now - they are too unstable."

I nodded, feeling deeply sorry for Alice. Who knew that such thing could ever happen?

* * *

We were talking about Alice's problem without knowing that we would figure out the truth very soon. After giving me another worried look, Edward suggested me to go to Carlisle so he could examine my leg. I agreed 'cause I knew that the situation could get worse. I was luckless, and if I sustained an injury, it was always serious.

"You're really grown up," Edward said, giving me his hand. "You would give me another answer seven years ago… And you'd never agree to go to hospital willingly."

What was that, a compliment?

Edward helped me get up.

"You grew up too," I answered, smiling. "To be frank, I didn't know how you'd react to my answer."

It seemed like we both were changing.

Edward chuckled.

"Well, I cannot say it's my achievement. My brothers helped me a lot," he confessed.

Edward didn't explain how Emmet and Jasper actually helped him, and I didn't ask about it. Perhaps, it was too much.

"You have a great family," I said instead.

"You too," Edward said back. I smiled. I was happy to have Charlie.

Edward carried me to the road; his car was already there, waiting for us. When I asked if Alice predicted that we might the car, Edward shook his head.

"No, it was me," he explained. "I parked the car in the case if you'd need something. I can't stop worrying about it."

While driving the car, Edward phoned Carlisle, but he didn't pick up; his assistant told him that Dr. Cullen was busy at the moment – he was examining "a very important patient".

"I didn't know that Forks may have important patients. It's too small," he murmured.

I was wondering who it might be. Edward was right – Forks was too small, and only some serious case could busy Carlisle.

The road didn't take much time. The parking lot was almost empty, except for Carlisle's car and the truck that looked quite familiar to me. After getting inside we went to the reception desk. It was empty there, and, while waiting for the nurse, Edward gave an attentive look to the news on TV. I joined him, watching the message about a new crime in New York. I wasn't surprised – the crime seemed to be ordinary, and Edward's interest looked weird.

I wanted to ask what bothered him, but he had already turned away. Edward was talking to the returned nurse, asking her about his Dad. The nurse, a middle-aged woman with long grey hair, also mentioned that Carlisle was busy, but assured us that Dr. Cullen would be free in a few minutes.

At that moment the door opened behind us, and I heard:

"Bella?"

I turned and saw Jacob Black who was smiling to me. Right. It was his car parked there, but what Jake was doing at the hospital?

Jacob closed the door and came closer to us. He shook hands with Edward quickly, and then Edward returned to the conversation with the nurse - or just pretended to do it. I guessed what Edward was doing. He wanted to give us some privacy, and, to be frank, I was grateful for that.

Jake and I hugged.

"What happened?"

I was glad to see Jacob, but it was the wrong place for our reunion.

Jake grinned.

"Same question. Stumbled again, huh, Bella?"

"Yes," I didn't intend to hide the truth. "Nothing serious, but I wanted to make sure. What's about you? Something happened?"

I looked at Jacob from head to toe, but didn't notice anything.

Jake smiled nervously. He looked suddenly guilty.

"It's not me. It's Jane, my girlfriend… We're kind of pregnant, you know."

My eyes widened with shock. When did I miss that?

Jake laughed, watching my expression.

"Yeah, you should have visited us more often," my surprise seemed have entertained him.

"Right."

Jake's news was unexpected, but good. I was shocked, but it was a good shock. I just needed some time to get used to that news.

"So, how's… Jane? Is she alright?"

Jake turned to the door again, and I guessed that Jake's girlfriend was talking to Carlisle now – she was his special client.

"We're not sure yet. The results of the tests were a bit strange, and we made a decision to see the Doc. My Dad was against it – he's still so superstitious – but Dr. Cullen is the best doctor we can find. We decided to talk to him first."

The door opened again, and I saw a short brown-haired girl. She seemed to be younger than Jake. Jane looked worried, but Carlisle was trying to calm her down. He even touched her shoulder slightly, as if trying to support her. Jane was so distracted that she didn't notice his cold.

"Sorry, I need to go. See you!" Jake whispered. After noticing his girlfriend Jacob's expression changed. He did everything trying to keep calmness in her presence. I smiled. Now that guy turned into Jake I had always known.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice sounded too close. I gave a start.

"Sorry," Edward added in his velvet voice. "I didn't mean to scare you, but Carlisle is ready to examine you now…"

He was right. Dr. Cullen was standing in front of us, smiling. He looked tired. He was thirsty, but too busy for hunting.

"How can I help you, Bella?" he asked, and I heard kindness in his tone.

I smiled involuntarily.

When I explained what had happened to me, Dr. Cullen leaded me to examination room. Edward went with us and sat on the near bed, hiding from us with medical curtains.

Carlisle looked worried or, better say, tensed, while examining my leg. At first I didn't realize what was going on, but Edward remained silent for a minute or two, and I guessed that he and Carlisle and were having some private conversation.

"Something wrong?" I asked, breaking that awkward silence between us.

Carlisle looked me in the eye and smiled.

"You noticed, right? Perhaps, I look a bit absent-minded today," he confessed.

I smiled back.

"Well, you are right," Dr. Cullen made no secret of his condition. "I have a very interesting thought in my head, and I think that it'll be better for Edward to know it too… It doesn't concern your leg, if that's your question. It's alright, by the way. You just need some rest."

Carlisle smiled again, politely, as a real doctor, not like an old friend. He made a step away while I was getting dressed.

"Actually, Bella can help you with that," said Edward. He got up from his bed and pulled the curtains away.

"Help with what?" I asked, curious too.

Carlisle gave me an examining look.

"I saw you speaking with Jacob Black in the corridor," he began saying. "You know him well, right?"

"Right. My Dad is very friendly with Jake's father, Billy. They're old friends."

Carlisle nodded too.

"Did he tell you the reason for visiting the hospital?"

"Yes," I answered. "He saidthat his girlfriend is pregnant. Jake worried about something…" I frowned, recalling Jacob's expression. "He said that they went here despite Billy's disapproval."

"Do you know why Billy disapproves it?" Edward asked.

"Well, I think it's because of old Quileute legends," I said, recalling my old conversation with Jake again. "It was Jake who first told me the truth about… _you_."

Carlisle nodded.

"And he was absolutely right. But what do you think about the part of the legend that concerns Jacob's forefathers?"

"Well, I don't think they're immortal," I said, smiling.

Carlisle and Edward laughed.

"Of course, theyare not," said Carlisle. "But what do you think about supernatural part of that legend?"

What was he talking about? I tired to recall my conversation with Jacob again. He said that his forefathers were the descendants from wolves, but…

My eyes widened with shock.

"Are you kidding me?"

Jake couldn't be the part of supernatural world. He was just Jacob. My Jacob who tried to wake me up after Edward's departure. He was just a nice guy, coarse sometimes, but always kind inside, and he couldn't be… a big dangerous dog or something like that.

To my surprise, the Cullens laughed again.

"You need some time to get used to that. Still, you react very well to the news," Carlisle complimented me.

Really? Perhaps, it's because I was too shocked.

"How does it concern Jake's girlfriend?" I asked. They hadn't explained everything to me yet. "Is she…"

Carlisle caught my thought and shook his head.

"No. But Jacob is the descendant of the tribal elder, and he still keeps the genetic of his great-granfather."

"You mean , the magical part of it? He's a real werew…"

Damn, I couldn't even pronounce that aloud.

"Not exactly. We were the last vampire coven the tribe met, and after our departure their ability to shape shift stopped being useful. The Quileute's stopped turning into wolves, and that skill diminished. The tribe moved on, and werewolves became part of old legends, just like us, although their descendants saved their gift in their genetic structure. When Jake was born, this skill was unnecessary, but now, after our returning, it's going to wake up again…"

At first I didn't get what he was talking about, but then I realized the truth.

"Do you want to say that Jake's child can be… a werewolf?"

Carlisle nodded. He looked so calm just like we were talking about the weather.

"Tests show it clearly," he said. "It was too late for Jacob to use this skill but his child will certainly become a werewolf one day. I'm quite sure about that."

I made a deep breath, trying to accept Carlisle's words.

"Did you tell them about it?" I asked.

Jake didn't look shocked when we met.

Dr. Cullen shook his head.

"Not yet. I'm not the one who should speak with Jacob about the history of his people."

"That's why we need your help, Bella," Edward interfered. "Carlisle is planning to talk to Billiy I'm sure that we can find his address and phone number, but I think you know it already."

Of course, I knew it.

"No problem," I said. "But… do you think Billy is ready to speak about it too?"

I imagined Billy sitting in his wheelchair. He was still strong, and, unlike young generation, still carried the Quileute history. He still considered Carlisle to be his enemy, and their conversation didn't sound like a good idea.

"I don't know, but I need to try," Carlisle answered in his calm comforting voice. If he saw the problem, he was ready to face it. Carlisle looked so young, and it fooled me again. I forgot how wise and old he _really_ was.

Edward sighed.

"The conversation is going to be complicated. Billy is still very alert. I wish Alice could predict that… "

"I've started to miss her gift," Carlisle confessed. "But something keeps blocking her visions, and this power is getting stronger."

Carlisle kept talking, and a few images mixed inside of my head. The tribe. The forest. The Cullens wearing weird old-fashioned clothes. Blood. The tribe's elder who looks like Jacob. Anger. Conflict. The child. The wolf…

"What if the child is doing all that?" I asked. "I mean, it's getting stronger every day, right? Alice started to have problems with her visions after Jake's girlfriend got pregnant. Maybe, it's some kind of… wolf protection, of something like that."

Edward and Carlisle exchanged looks.

"Well," Carlisle said at last, returning to me, "We have never considered this version."

Edward supported my idea.

"It can be possible," he said, his tone serious. "You need to speak with Billy as soon as possible. Maybe, he knows something about that."

Carlisle nodded. His conversation with Billy was going to be very difficult.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 Understanding**

Edward drove me home while Carlisle phoned Billy to arrange their meeting. We all were tensed because of that, and even Edward lost his confidence. He was squeezing the wheel, focusing his attention on the road, but I knew that Edward saw nothing except for his father's face at the moment.

Billy surprised us all by arranging the immediate meeting in the reservation. I found it out by chance from Charlie. He and Billy were planning to go fishing next day, and when Dad phoned him after the dinner, Billy finished the conversation quickly without giving Dad any proper explanation. Charlie was offended.

"Billy has never spoken to me like that. It's weird," he complained, throwing the phone on the sofa. "I'm wondering what could make him behave like that."

After hearing it, my pulse quickened, and I felt how blood rushed to my cheeks. I knew the reason for Billy's strange behavior…

I went upstairs as fast as possible and called Edward.

"My Dad has just phoned Billy, but he doesn't want to speak with him right now. Is Carlisle with him?" I asked.

"Yes," I heard Edward's velvet voice. "Dad went to the reservation right from the hospital."

I bit my lip.

"Do you think Billy knows everything?" I asked the question that bothered me the most.

"I don't know, but it looks like Billy has been expecting something like that. Carlisle didn't want to explain everything on the phone, but Mr. Black appeared to be brave enough to invite him right to the reservation. We think that Billy suspects a lot. Maybe, he has already guessed what the future brings to Jacob's child."

"Does Alice see anything? Can she see how the conversation is going on?"

I hoped that Carlisle's presence in the reservation would change something.

Edward sighed.

"No. Still nothing… Let's hope that everything will be all right."

I nodded, even if Edward didn't see my nod. Hope was all what he had at that moment.

* * *

Carlisle and Billy had talked for a few hours. To our surprise, they managed to keep conversation with respect and true diplomacy. Carlisle told Billy the news about his grandchild. Billy confessed that he guessed about that, but he was happy to hear the confirmation. Billy seemed to be glad that Dr. Cullen helped him with that. In the end, Carlisle kept hiding the tribe secret, and that was precious for such a person like Billy Black.

Carlisle also asked Billy about the child's influence on Alice's visions. Black confessed that their legends didn't contain any information that concerned that topic, but the tribe didn't face such talented vampires before; they were just legends, after all. After talking about that Carlisle and Billy came to conclusion that the child might cause Alice's blindness.

That information meant something important, something that nobody dared to speak aloud. It meant that the Cullens had to leave Forks, sooner or later. The child was growing, and Alice was blind whilel she stayed there. Moreover, Jake's child wouldn't the only werewolf in the tribe. His child would be the first one, but what was going to happen in a few years? Nobody spoke about that, at least, in my presence, but I saw tension that was flying in the air. Next days became difficult, and I guessed that the Cullens were trying to make a common decision about their future. To be frank, I didn't know what to think about that. Perhaps, I needed to hurry and prepare myself for saying goodbye to them…

To be frank, I felt hopeless and scared.

The only one thing that remained clear was our upcoming travel to Chicago. Maybe, that was Edward's way to fight stress; he became obsessed with that idea, trying to plan every little detail. His preparation drew the attention away from dark thoughts, and I didn't notice the moment when I started waiting for our little journey too.

Whatever was going to happen to us in the future, Edward and I were going to see Chicago first.

* * *

We still had some very important thing to do, something I wanted to do before leaving, so I phoned Angela and asked her if I could visit her and her kids. Despite a long pause in our friendship, Angela seemed to be glad to hear from me. Having heard my friend's voice, I felt shame that I hadn't phoned Angela earlier. She was one of few people who really cared about me. It's so sad that I forgot about it while I was too busy with pitying myself.

Alice volunteered to drive me to Angela's house; she also needed to present the gifts she had brought with me in Port Angeles.

I had never seen Alice looking so terrible. She was constantly rubbing her temples as if she had headache. Could vampires actually have a headache?

"How are you feeling?" I asked carefully, giving her a quick glance. I was afraid to ask too many questions, but I truly worried about her. Alice was my friend, even if she irritated me sometimes.

Alice sighed. The circles under her eyes got darker since the last time I saw her.

"If you're worrying about the road, it's fine," she said, without watching the highway. "We won't get into car accident."

"Actually, I'm worrying about you," I noticed, sighing. "What's about your visions? Still nothing?"

Alice's lips trembled. She began breathing fast, just like she was suffocating.

"You can't even imagine how it's killing me, Bella. I'm so tired! And I hate being blind. I'm so… so…" she lost all her confidence "…useless."

Having felt a sudden uncontrollable feeling, I held out my hand and squeezed Alice's palm. Its cold didn't scare me at all.

"You're not useless," I said in a soft voice. "Your gift is not the reason for loving you. We all love you as you are, not because of your talent. I hope that you know it."

Alice sighed.

"I do… Esme said that she would love me even if I was deaf and blind, but… I feel so incomplete without my gift. I had my visions since my awakening as a vampire. It saved my life hundreds of times. Prediction of the future is my second skin. Using my visions, I found Jasper, and later we found Carlisle. My visions always kept me balanced, and I knew that I wouldn't be alone. How can I live without my visions now?!"

"Did you speak about that with the others?" I asked. "Do you have any idea of solving this problem?"

Alice gave me worried anxious look.

"We have one idea," she said after a pause, "but if I tell you, you won't like it… And Edward will definitely kill me if I do."

I glanced back at Alice. Was she going to say goodbye to me? Unfortunately, I didn't have chance to ask about that. Before I began talking, Alice interrupted my silent thoughts and said:

"We're here. Let's get out of the car. Angela must be waiting for you."

Old Alice's prediction about Angela's shock appeared to be right. She was so surprised to see Alice at the porch of her house that let go Alice inside without any hesitation. Using that awkward moment as an advantage, Edward's sister presented Angela a big package with colorful toys for her kids. As planned, our friend was too shocked to say no. Alice vanished into thin air before Angela realized what was going on. It wasn't difficult to find a reason for such a sudden leaving. Alice looked terrible, and even Angela noticed that.

I gave Angela my gift and then played a little with her elder son, Henry. I didn't remember the last time I saw him, so he seemed have grown in a day in my eyes.

"He's so wonderful," I confessed when Henry showed me some of his drawings. "And he changes so fast!"

I couldn't imagine that I was a child too once. I always felt like I was grown up all the time. At least, Renee used to say so.

"He is!" Angela laughed, half-turning to me, while we were going upstairs. "It's strange to me too. Henry and I spend every day together, but I still can't get used to the fact that he is changing constantly. He grows too fast."

I smiled. In parent's eyes we would always be kids, and Angela was the real proof of that theory.

While my communication with Henry was quite easy, meeting with a newborn child was a more difficult task. Angela's daughter, Stephenie, looked adorable, but I had no idea how to take care of newborn kids. I was too scared. When Angela suggested me take Stephenie in my arms, I almost panicked. I was so scared to do something wrong, just like Angela's child wasn't a child, it was a small perfect doll, and I was afraid to break it.

"Alice looked tired today," Angela noticed, taking her daughter back from me.

I was relieved to know that I didn't break her. It was silly. I know.

"Yeah," I answered, trying to make my voice sound confident. I needed to remember about the Cullens' main secret. "But I'm sure there's nothing serious about that. Alice just needs some rest, that's all."

"But she still looks fine, right?" Angela said with a short laugh. "Alice hadn't changed much since the last day I saw her. Just like Dr. Cullen… I wish we all would be so lucky."

I smiled politely. No, Angela, you wouldn't like to be _that_ lucky…

"It's a bit strange, you know," Angela added, looking out of the window. Stephenie was lying in her crib. She fell asleep. "But it's not our business, of course."

Angela was always smart – she was attentive and, obviously, Angela couldn't ignore the fact that the Cullens didn't get older. I had expected something like that – at least, I was persuading myself that I was prepared for everything – but Angela's words made me love her even more. Unlike other Forks citizens, Angela remained polite and reliable; she was like the mirror that showed the reflection, but didn't add anything in addition to the main picture.

Angela was one of the reasons why my life in Forks wasn't that bad.

"I'm talking to the Cullens again," I said suddenly, looking at Angela.

Perhaps, she was the friend I needed right now. Maybe, she was the friend who could give me a good honest answer, a proper advice. Maybe, she was the friend I had been waiting for so long.

She smiled, noticing my anxious look.

"You mean, with Edward?"

I bit my lip.

"Is that bad?"

Angela shrugged.

"No, not at all… Does it concern you?"

I sighed again.

"I don't know," I confessed. I felt that I could trust Angela. "When Edward and I were dating, I was obsessed with him. And now… It feels different now. The obsession is gone, and I'm… lost. It seems like I'm trying to fool everybody…"

"…including you?" Angela asked with a new kind smile.

I nodded. That's exactly what I was trying to say.

"Do you still like Edward?" she asked.

I paused a little.

"Yes, I think so," I said at last. "At first I was angry, but then all my anger had gone. I still have feelings for him, but they taste different… and I'm afraid that I can't let him go."

Angela nodded. She didn't laugh at me, and it was good.

"Well, maybe, you just need to see the situation from another standpoint?" she suggested. "Love is a complicated thing. My love for Ben was pure emotion in the beginning, but… Every year brings something new, you know? We're getting older, we have conflicts sometimes, and our love changes too. Well," Angela shrugged again, looking embarrassed, "I'm very lucky to be marred to my best friend. Ben isn't only my lover: he's the one who knows me the best. Maybe, you need to see Edward as friend again. Maybe, it'll help you to understand what to do next."

I nodded, thanking Angela for her words. Her advice was simple, but good. It felt like Angela helped me get out from the darkness, she showed me my way, and I just needed to do the next step.

After spending a couple of hours in Angela's company, I hurried to go home. Angela gave me a tight hug on the porch of the house, saying goodbye.

"Thanks for inviting me. I'm so glad to see you and your kids. They are very lovely," I whispered.

Angela gave me a warm kind glance. She smiled, and small wrinkles appeared near her eyes.

"Thanks for your visit. I missed you."

"I missed you too," I said honestly, suddenly moved to tears. "We need to see each other more often."

"Agree," Angela's final smile was sincere. "I'll be glad."

My heart was squeezing with strange, unexpected pain. I didn't know why that goodbye was so difficult.

* * *

Edward was standing near the car, waiting for me. He waved to Angela and then smiled at me.

"Hi," I said, smiling back.

"Hi. Did you have a good time with Angela?"

I smiled. Edward's question meant that he didn't read Angela's mind and knew nothing about our small conversation. Edward must have parked there a few minutes ago.

He opened the door for me so I could get into the car.

"How's your hunting trip?" I asked back. "Is everything all right?"

Edward, Rosalie and Carlisle went hunting at night. That was the main reason why Alice drove me to Angela's house in the morning.

Edward closed the door, passed round the car and got into the driver's seat.

"Nothing special," he started the engine, and a quite rumble filled inside of the car. "Rosalie was a bit irritating, but she's always like that."

I smiled politely.

"I thought you've learned to be patient."

Edward turned to me.

"I'm always patient."

I didn't know what exactly he meant right now. It reminded me of my conversation with Angela, which Edward, luckily, missed. I needed to make the first step ahead.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" I asked after a pause.

Edward frowned and met my eyes as if trying to read me.

"No. Why do you ask?"

I shrugged.

"We could have a walk… or just talk a little," I suggested. I had no plan. I was improvising.

My suggestion seemed have surprised Edward, but he smiled back.

"Talk about what?"

I shrugged again.

"I don't know… but I like to listen to you. I bet you have a lot of wonderful stories I haven't heard yet."

Edward laughed.

"Of course, I have. I'm one hundred years old, Bella. I'm an old man. Stories are the only luggage I have. What do you want to hear?"

We agreed to meet again in the late evening, and after Charlie went to his room and fell asleep, Edward came to my room through the window. We sat on my bed, leaning on the headboard, and began talking. Soon I changed the course of the conversation and started to ask Edward about his past and his university studies. He had a lot of stories to tell, and I really enjoyed listening to him.

I was so focused on his voice that looked a bit strange. Edward noticed that.

"What?" he asked, smiling.

Edward was too close, and I was almost drunk by his smell.

"Nothing," I shook my head slightly. "You know so much. I forgot about that."

Edward smiled again.

"Well, you can learn a lot too. It's not too late, you know."

At first I didn't get what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?"

Edward shrugged too.

"You still have time to get a profession. It's not too late."

I chuckled.

"I can't affort it… And I don't think that it's as easy as it sounds."

There came Edward's turn to laugh.

"Well, I can give you money… or lend it, if you like," he added. "It's a trifle for us, but, using our money, you can really become somebody new. Leave Forks. Start a new life."

"I don't want to leave Charlie," I answered quickly. Edward's words scared me.

He nodded.

"I understand. And I remember what you have said to me… but we were talking about eternity at that time, right? Studying is not such a big deal," Edward paused a little, looking away and breaking eye contact. Then he shook his head and returned to me, smiling again. "I have already said that, but I want to take care of you, Bella, and if you need my help one day, I'll be there to help you."

I looked at him again. Edward looked different in my eyes now: he looked more mature, more serious, more precise. Angela's advice was really good, and it was worthy to invite Edward to a little talk. Staring at Edward, I realized that my feelings for him were still there, even if they were different now. But it didn't matter anymore. Edward was there, he cared about me, he was ready to give me the future I had never dreamt to have, and he was my friend, the one who knew everything about me.

I thought that I died when I grew up. I was wrong. Edward and I – we both died, like Romeo and Juliet, like all classic characters whose love was saved in books. But there was a new us now, new Bella and Edward, and, probably, our future could bring something truly special.

It was the moment when I realized that I would never let Edward leave again. I was too selfish.

"I'm glad that we're going to see Chicago. I can't wait to see it," I said, smiling to him.

Edward chuckled and touched my cheek softly.

"It'll be an unforgettable travel, I swear."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25. The journey begins**

When I went to the garage in the early morning, Alice had already been there, sitting right on the car's bonnet. I didn't expect to see my sister at home: I thought that Alice went hunting with Jasper, but she was there now.

My sister was waiting for me to say goodbye.

"I still don't like that you're leaving," she complained immediately.

"You don't like it because you don't see the future," I answered. "That's different."

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for reminding me about that… You have always been a terrible brother."

Offended with my words, Alice decided to leave. She jumped off the bonnet, ready to go, but I caught her easily. I was very fast – faster than Alice ever was.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to heart you…" I said in a quite tone. "Will you give me a final hug?"

Luckily, I didn't have to repeat my request. Alice turned back and hugged me. It helped us a little. We both were anxious at the moment, and family's love was all that could warm our dead silent hearts.

"I worry about you both," Alice said in a muffled tone. "And I hate being blind."

"I know. But you can always leave Forks… if you wish."

My family had been discussing our departure for a few days already. We hadn't found a common decision yet, but we all knew that the end was near. Our family couldn't stay in Forks for too long, and we had to leave that place, sooner or later.

"You know I can't do this, Edward," Alice said with a sigh. "I promised Esme to stay here. She doesn't want to leave Forks without you, and I don't want to disappoint her. She's the only mother I ever had."

That's right. Alice didn't remember anything about her human life, and we were all family Alice always remembered.

I sighed too. Everything was so complicated.

"You shouldn't worry about us. Bella and I will be fine," I promised myself to think about our plans later – not now, when Bella and I were going to have a wonderful journey together. "And if worry about the Volturi, Carlisle said…"

"I know. Carlisle said that the Volturi wouldn't go here. They don't like to leave Italy, and they always hurry to go back when they're away…"

"Right," I said, releasing Alice and making a step back to look her in the eyes. "So you shouldn't worry about us. Everything will be okay."

"I'll phone you if I begin to see anything!" Alice cried to me when I got into the car and started the engine.

I let myself to smile.

"Is that a prediction?"

Alice smiled back. Her smile was tired, but full of hope.

* * *

At first Edward suggested me to go to Seattle by car and then take a flight. We had to spend about four hours on board and would reach Chicago by the end of the day without hurry.

"It's only a little travel, Bella, just like I promised." Edward said. "Nothing special."

He tried to hide his anxiety by showing false indifference, but I knew that he was lying. To be frank, I worried about our little trip too. But who wouldn't?

I surprised Edward by suggesting another variant – travelling by car. The distance between Forks and Chicago was huge, and the road could take a few days, but I didn't care about that. I wanted to feel the whole journey, to see endless roads, small towns and big cities; watch different sceneries, even if the weather wouldn't be welcoming. I wanted to get some experience, something I'd like to remember… and something I'd like to forget. When I was trying to search for the Cullens, I also travelled by car, so I wanted to repeat that moment now. I wanted to see those places again and rewrite my past memories. Everything was wrong then, I was unhappy, but it was the past, and I needed to move on. I needed to say goodbye to that time, I needed to to cross the line. I needed to open my heart to a new future, and I was glad to share that experience with Edward.

I didn't know if Edward guessed the reason for my choice, but he accepted it.

"I have only one request," he said immediately when I told him about my plan. "We'll journey like real humans. We'll make stops for having dinner and spend night in a hotel room. I won't let you sleep in the car, and I'll take care about money. If you want to go to Chicago by car, your comfort is my concern."

My inner voice was persuading me to say no; in the end, it was too expensive. But I needed to change, right? I wanted to make that journey, so after some hesitation I agreed on Edward's terms.

The only thing left was to tell Charlie about my plans. I had to create a little story that explained why Edward and I were actually going to Chicago. Dad knew that Edward was adopted by Carlisle and Esme, so I told him that Edward had got some news about his real family and needed to go to Chicago to find everything out. That story was real, except for the fact that Edward's parents died about a century ago.

Charlie didn't really like the news.

"Why should you do that?" he asked, frowning.

We were sitting in the living room, in front of TV. I hoped that the game would help me finish our conversation a bit faster. That plan didn't really work.

"If Edward wants to go to Chicago to find the information about his relatives, it's his problem. He doesn't need you. Why should you actually go there? Especially, by car. The distance is too big… the journey must be endless."

"Well," I said, shrugging and hoping that it looked normal, "Edward described me this trip in such a good way, and I thought that it would be great to accompany him. I'm not sure that I'll able to have this journey another time. I don't want to regret the lost chance, you know."

Charlie gave me an examining look – the look of a working cop. I tried my best to look grown up and serious.

"It seems like you're really excited about this trip," he said, sighing. I hid a smile. I knew what it meant - Dad was almost ready to give up. "Well, you know, it's your life, and if you want to go… it's your decision."

"Thanks, Dad. I'm lucky to have such an understanding father like you," I said before going upstairs. Neither Charlie nor me were very talkative, but I felt that I needed to say that.

Charlie was confused and just brushed aside my compliment as if it didn't mean anything to him. I smiled, knowing that the words I had said were actually precious to him.

* * *

Instead of going to work early Charlie preferred to say goodbye to me and Edward. After having breakfast, Dad tried to take care about me, making me check my belongings in case if I forgot something. That was nice – and very unusual. Perhaps, Charlie was becoming too sentimental.

We went outside right when Edward was parking his car in front of the house. Charlie whistled, examining the car.

"Nice car, Edward."

"Thank you, Chief Swan," Edward said in a casual voice. "The car is really good."

"Well, I can see that," Dad was really impressed. "To be frank, when Bella told me about your plans, I worried about it a little. The distance is too big, and only reliable car can dro that… but I see that my worries were useless."

Edward smiled politely. I shook my head. Of course, he had already read everything inside of Charlie's head.

"We'll drive to Chicago without any problem. Don't worry about it, sir… And don't worry about Bella," Edward added. "I'll take care of her, I promise."

Charlie nodded. That were the words he wanted to hear… Bet Edward saw it in Charlie's mind too.

Edward was holding the door until I got inside. While he was going around the car to take his seat, Charlie bent down to me.

"Take care of yourself, Bells... Do you promise?"

There was something strange in Charlie's care. It really was. I tried to ignore it earlier, but I didn't like it now. It all sounded weird…just like Charlie was saying goodbye to me.

"Don't worry about it, Dad… Are you okay?" I asked back, examining his face and trying to guess what was actually wrong. "You look too… thoughtful, you know," I added.

Charlie grimaced.

"Well, I just worry about you, Bells… I have a bad feeling about all of this," he glanced at the car again. "Well, maybe I'm just getting old… Forget it."

I kept staring at Charlie's figure that was getting smaller when we were driving away from the house. Dad's anxiety passed to me too, and my heart squeezed with sudden pain. When did I become so nostalgic?

"He'll be alright," Edward's murmured, waking me up from my thoughts. I shuttered and turned my head to him. Edward stretched out his hand and touched my cheek softly.

"He really loves you, Bella… And he's going to miss you," Edward added.

"I feel like that I'm going to miss Dad too," I blurted out.

Edward chuckled.

"Why do think it's bad?"

* * *

Edward and I returned to the conversation we started in my room some time ago. He continued telling me different stories about the Cullens' past. Of course, Edward had a lot of stories to tell – enough to busy me for centuries. Edward made a pause only once. He was telling me another story when the news on the radio made him stop talking. He frowned, listening to every word.

The news contained information about two dead bodies found in New York. _Again._ I recalled the moment when Charlie told me about the same news when he drove me home from the airport. Moreover, Edward showed interest to that kind of news too – he watched TV at the reception in the hospital while we were waiting for Carlisle.

"What's wrong?" I asked, glancing at the radio and back at Edward, trying to read his face. "What's going on?"

Edward paused a little and then looked me in eye. He looked serious, almost frightening.

"I know what's going on," he pointed at the radio. "We all know what's going on, actually," Edward tried to make his voice sound casual. "It's somebody like _us_."

My hands turned numb involuntarily. My body still reacted to the news better than my brain.

"You mean, a vampire?"

I hadn't noticed the moment when I began whispering. I wasn't scared, but…

Edward nodded.

"Yeah. It must be a newborn vampire… or a group of them. The quantity of the victims is abnormally big. Jasper thinks that one vampire cannot be so hungry, so it must be a coven full of newborns."

"Is that dangerous?" I asked.

Of course, it was dangerous. For example, I was sitting in the car with a perfect killer. But _how_ dangerous could it be? I had never met newborn vampires…

Edward's expression didn't give me a proper explanation.

"Not exactly. The main problem is that this newborn is too conspicuous. It looks like he really tries to be noticed. We don't understand it."

We paused a little, while I was trying to imagine a monster with red eyes, lurking in the shadows.

"How long it will last?" I asked. "These murders... They can't last forever, right?"

"Don't worry about it. It won't last for long anyway… The Volturi will never admit such kind of behavior. It's inappropriate."

At first I didn't get what he was talking about. _Volturi_. It seemed like I remembered that name, but had already forgotten it. Volturi. Volturi…

The painting from Carlisle's office flashed before my eyes.

"The Volturi are coming here, to America?!" I asked without hiding my shock.

Fairytales were going to become real.

Edward nodded.

"Yes. They are very scrupulous when it concerns rules. The Volturi won't let people find out about vampires, and they'll do everything to hide the truth. This newborn has already paid their attention. Such kind of stories happen time after time… and they have the same end. If the Volturi see any danger, even theoretical one, they solve the problem without any regret. We think they're going to interfere in this story too. We can't know it for sure without Alice's visions, but Carlisle thinks that they'll appear in New York in a day or two… The problem will be solved."

I got it. It meant that the newborn would be killed.

A new idea came to my mind.

"But the Volturi can't go here, can they?"

I began to worry about Charlie. I imagined him sitting on the couch in our small house on the edge of Forks. Sitting there all alone…

"No," Edward was quite confident. "Don't worry about it. The Volturi hate to leave home. Their interference is usually the last resort… And they have no reason for visiting Forks."

Edward's words helped me a little. I nodded and made a deep breath, trying to calm down. When I was younger, I wasn't afraid of anything, but it changed. I was grownup now, and I definitely had something to lose. Still, I wished the Volturi had never come there. The supernatural world was too big…

Edward sighed, and that sign awoke me from my thoughts. I glanced at him. Edwards looked concerned. My pulse quickened immediately. What did I miss?

"What happened?"

Edward looked at the wing mirror.

"Nothing…" he murmured. "I just saw Tanya's car passing by... It's a bit unexpected."

When Edward just said that, his phone rang, and he signed again, showing his displeasure.

"Hi, Tanya," his voice sounded bored, almost tired. "Yeah, it was me. No, I'm a little bit busy…" Edward gave me a quick glance. "Yeah, you saw it right. Bella's here with me… it's a long story…"

I looked around and realized that we actually reached Seattle's border. It reminded me about something, and I looked around again, trying to recognize the place we were passing by. We were in Seattle suburbs, and… Well, maybe Tanya's appearance wasn't unusual. Dave still lived there.

A new idea came to my mind, and, to my surprise, it didn't scare me at all. On the contrary, it sounded fine, just like the end of the past, just like liberation, just like a new beginning and the start of a new page.

Edward was going to finish his conversation with Tanya, but I interrupted him:

"Edward, may I say something? I have one idea…"

* * *

Bella's suggestion of introduction Tanya to Dave was unexpected and very generous. Bella was so brave. I had never met any human like her.

"Are you sure about this?" I whispered to Bella. Tanya was waiting for my answer patiently. "You don't have to do this…"

She surprised me again when I saw a smile on her face.

"No, it's fine... It feels right," Bella confessed after a short pause. "Let's do this."

We organized everything almost immediately. While I talked to Tanya, Bella called Dave, and, luckily, he was at home. There was only one little thing left. Bella dictated Dave's address to me, and I repeated it to Tanya; about ten minutes later I was parking my car in front of the house. The sound of Tanya's approaching car was heard behind us.

"We need to explain Dave the reason for introducing them," Bella noticed, examining the house that she called home one day. She barely felt some nostalgia, and that thought comforted me a little.

My brain worked fast, and I recalled the day when Tanya came to Forks after Alice's prediction.

 _It was in the morning, when I was driving to Vancouver. I had to visit big city – bad weather had damaged the house. The roof needs rebuilding…_

I smiled.

"It's not a problem. Actually, Tanya really needs help of the specialist like Dave. She was searching for the person who could help her rebuild the house."

"Oh… It seems like their meeting is meant to be," Bella said quietly. "That's strange, don't you think?"

I nodded, although that fact didn't surprise me. I had already known a lot about Fate's jokes.

When Tanya arrived there, I introduced her to Bella hastily. Bella looked friendly and a bit shy, but she seemed have been impressed. Vampires always blinded humans, and Tanya was no exception for that. She was pretty… in some kind of way.

Tanya examined Bella too, but preferred to leave her thoughts quiet. That was easy. She still didn't know what was going on.

 _Where are we, Edward? What's happening_? she asked in her mind. _What are we doing here?_

I smiled.

"I think that Bella can introduce you to somebody… very special," I explained in a quiet tone.

Everything turned into right place when Dave noticed our cars and went outside. We all turned to him, counting his steps, waiting for Dave to join us. Bella waved Dave and gave him a polite smile. He smiled back, and finally noticed Tanya.

Their gazes met, and then something changed immediately. Tanya's thoughts changed its course, changed its colors, and the mixture of feelings burst out of her soul. She was surprised, she was confused, she was shocked and… amazed? Tanya was staring at that ordinary man without understanding what was going on and why all these feelings were rising inside of her. She knew how bleak he was, but something still fascinated her. Something she couldn't explain yet.

Tanya was ancient, but she had never been in love before, and the force of a new feeling cut the ground from under her feet. I chuckled quietly, reading Tanya's thoughts. Love at first sight looked really amazing.

Everything happened very fast. After a short conversation, Bella and I let Tanya and Dave enjoy each other's company. We returned to the road by the end of the hour.

"I can't believe that everything turned out to be so easy," I confessed, breaking the silence.

Bella smiled absent-mindedly.

"Yeah, that was amazing... And Dave seemed to like Tanya."

Really? I hadn't even focused my attention on that. It was much more interesting to watch Tanya's thoughts than read Dave.

"Are you upset?" I was a bit scared to hear Bella's answer. What if she would say "yes"?

"No," Bella said quietly, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "But I envy them a bit… everybody wants to experience something like that."

I nodded, realizing that it was my chance to change everything. If I really wanted to change my relationship with Bella, I needed to use that moment. I needed to make that journey as good as possible if it could help me win Bella's heart. We both were ready for changes, and we both needed love. Fate joined our lives too, we needed each other, and I just should remind Bella about that.

We crossed Seattle's border to continue our journey.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 New Moon**

The journey to Chicago took almost five days. After leaving Tanya and Dave in Seattle, Edward and I proceeded along the road. New cities and towns began flashing before our eyes. Spokane, Missoula, Billings, then Glendive and West Fargo – first three days of the week were full of new impressions.

At first I felt nervous and too awkward, but constant staying with Edward helped me calm down. It was just me and him driving the car, surrounded by highway, and I had nothing to fear. Strange, but it really gave me some kind of relaxation. I found some time to calm down and let myself not to think about anything. I didn't have to worry about René or take care of Charlie – all what I needed to do was enjoying the moment we had.

Juke like he promised, Edward took care about everything. After reaching a new destination and examining the new city, we always had dinner in a good restaurant. At first I felt a bit shy, but it all gone in a day or two; by the middle of our journey I stopped suggesting paying for dinner and feeling awkward in unknown places. Edward seemed have noticed that change in me, but he still didn't press on me. He was trying to make my life comfortable, but he wasn't overprotective, and I was grateful for that. Perhaps, these changes weren't that bad. Perhaps, growing up wasn't such a bad idea.

Thursday appeared to be the best day. We reached Minneapolis in the early morning, and Edward suggested me to take a pause and spend the rest of the day there instead of returning to the road. The weather was cloudy, but it wasn't cold, and I agreed. In the end, what did we lose?

I didn't think to get anything special from it, but that day exceeded all my expectations. I had never been in Minneapolis before, and Edward was glad to be my guide. We saw the sights and spent a few hours in a Sculpture Garden. After having dinner, we continued our day, and Edward showed me Chain of Lakes which appeared to be extremely beautiful.

We were walking near Lake Harriet, when Edward suddenly said:

"I always liked lakes…They remind me of home."

I glanced at him in astonishment. Edward told me a lot of stories, but he hadn't said anything personal yet. He had never remembered his human past, so that phrase sounded so unusual.

I looked at the water. I should have guessed. Edward was born in Chicago which stood on Lake Michigan.

"Have you ever been here?" I asked. Edward's old home was situated not far from there. "I mean, in your past life… Do you remember?"

Edward shrugged.

"I'm not sure," he was staring at the water too. "But this place looks familiar. The distance between Minneapolis and Chicago isn't that big. Perhaps, I could visit it with my Dad…" Edward sighed. "I don't know."

There was something strange in how Edward picked his words, and then I got it: he was vulnerable. Edward Cullen, a perfect marble statue, a vampire, a boy with silent heart wasn't as confident as he looked in my eyes. Edward wasn't an immortal now – he looked like a lost child who was looking around, searching for the way home.

There was some space between us, and I made a step towards him, joining his hand. Edward gave a start, but squeezed my hand back.

"Do you miss them? Your parents?" I asked quietly.

Edward shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't remember them much. My human life is nothing more than a defective record. All what I have are blurred hazy pictures, nothing more."

"But you still have feelings. You still remember them," I said. "Maybe, that's why this place fascinates you – it opens the feelings which you had already forgotten."

I didn't know where I found that idea and those words, but I felt that I needed to say it. Edward needed my help, and I felt that I needed to help him. I was a grown up now, and I could be useful.

I smiled, looking him in the eyes. That moment broke something inside of me – inside of us, as I hoped. It felt like the last wall between us was finally broken, and we could be together again.

I hoped that Edward noticed that too. We stopped, and after finding something in my eyes, Edward suddenly hugged me, enveloping me with his wonderful smell.

"Thank you," he whispered quietly, just like he was telling me big secret, "for your wisdom. I had no idea that I really needed it."

I smiled back and closed my eyes, enjoying Edward's coldness. I had a feeling that everything would be all right now.

* * *

We had been walking for a few hours, and I didn't noticed the moment when it got darker. Cold evening became the real host of the city. The sky covered in a thin dense film, and I could recognize neither the moon nor the stars.

As a real gentleman, Edward gave me his jacket, but it didn't help. I began freezing.

"Let's return to the car," he suggested, and we turned to the exit. We didn't hold hands any more – Edward didn't want to make me feel colder.

"It's sad that we haven't seen Falls," I noticed. Our time there was almost over.

When we made a decision to spend a day in Minneapolis, Edward mentioned Minnehaha Falls - a true beauty of that land. I recalled it now, glancing at the water for the last time. I was saying goodbye to that place in my mind. It was a piece of memory I'd like to save.

I just said that, without having any plan in my head, but Edward's mind worked much faster.

He gave me an examining look.

"Well, I think we can fix that."

I frowned. It was the late evening, and the park must have been already closed. What he was talking about?

But I didn't hear his explanation. Edward changed the subject, suggesting me to have late dinner. I had nothing against it – I was hungry, I was cold and I was tired, and a good dinner in a warm room would make that day be totally perfect.

Relaxed, I wasn't watching the road when we left the restaurant. I woke up from my thoughts only after looking out the window and noticing the forest.

"I thought we're going to the hotel," I said in a weak tone, looking around.

Edward smiled.

"Well, you said you wanted to see Falls, and I thought that we must use this chance. Who knows when we can visit this place again?"

I rolled my eyes.

"The park is already closed, Edward. It's too late."

Edward's smile became wider.

"Well, I think that nobody can catch us."

He was suggesting me to break rules and visit the closed park at night. I glanced at him, making a decision. I was a grown up now, and grownups don't break rules…

"Aren't you afraid that I will be freezing? I can catch a cold," I asked, surprising myself with having sudden confidence in my voice.

"I can lend you my sweater," Edward found the answer immediately. "It's right here, in the car."

I didn't notice how it happened, but soon after midnight I burst into the Park's territory, carried on Edward's back and wearing his white sweater. His moves were fast, and I held him tight, my eyes closed. Vampire speed was too dangerous, even if vampires didn't think so.

"Open your eyes, Bella," Edward said, stopping. His velvet voice sounded like music.

I obeyed and saw Falls right in front of us - it took my breath away. The weather got clearer, and pale stars were seen in the sky, but it was still dark. I threw my head back and saw the reason for that deep darkness.

 _New moon._

Lack of light made the water shine with silver and blue, making it look fabulous.

"It's so beautiful," I said, unable to find proper words.

It was quiet there, and the air was fresh, with a scent of forest tress and grass. That smell intoxicated me.

Edward didn't say anything, letting me enjoy that wonderful moment.

"Thank you for bringing me here," I whispered knowing that he would listen.

I didn't see his face, but noticed his smile.

At that moment I suddenly thought that if Edward tried to kiss me, I wouldn't mind.

* * *

A soft touch woke me up. I started and opened my eyes.

"It's just me," Edward murmured quietly. "We have almost reached Chicago. I thought you'd like to know."

I looked around, trying to realize what was going on. After watching Falls my strengths abandoned me. It was deep night, I was too tired, and my body needed rest. My eyes were heavy with sleep, and everything started to blurr before my eyes.

Edward chuckled, noticing that.

"Good night, my love," he said, rocking me to sleep. "Sleep tight."

His cold, but comfortable hands were the last thing that I remembered.

"We didn't go to the hotel," I guessed, looking out the window.

"We didn't," Edward answered. "You fell asleep so quickly. I was afraid to wake you up," he confessed. "So I decided to continue driving at night. It saved us a little time. We passed Madison about five hours ago, and now we're one step away from Chicago."

I nodded. It was a good decision.

I moved my neck, relaxing my muscles. My stomach growled.

"How's about having breakfast?" Edward asked, noticing that. "We're going to drive by one good café... I think you'll like it."

I turned my head to him.

"How do you know that'll like it?"

Edward smiled.

"Well, you have no choice, actually. It's the only café that stands on this side of the road. Moreover, Alice saw this place before she stopped seeing the future, so I always knew that we would have to visit it."

Thirty minutes later we stopped near a small, but nice café. Its building must have been a rebuilt from an old house, but it looked neat and inviting, and I liked it. To my surprise, the café was full despite such an early hour.

"It's a bit crowded," I said after entering inside and looking around.

"Yeah," Edward was disappointed - I could read it in his voice. "But it's the only place where you can get a bite before we return to the road."

All tables were occupied, and Edward made a decision to talk to the waitress, trying to solve that problem. Of course, she was dazzled by him momentarily. Poor young girl lost her tongue and just started at him helplessly while Edward was trying to make her find a table for us. He didn't notice anything, or pretended not to know how attractive he really was for her – but I did. I sighed and shook my head. It would never change…

The problem was solved when somebody beckoned her to the bar. The waitress apologized and went away unsteadily; then she began talking to a middle-aged tired man who gave us a quick glance.

"What's going on?" I asked, staring at Edward.

"This man owns this café," he explained shortly. "He wanted to know what happened."

"Do you think he can help us?"

"He's thinking about it."

Edward was right. The waitress returned a few minutes later and suggested us to take a reserved small table in the corner.

"This table is always reserved for our owner," she said, "but Mr. Blunt says that you can take it."

The waitress pointed at the man who had already began hurrying somewhere. He was saying goodbye to other personnel, leaving the café. I glanced at him and noticed how pale he was – what if the man was sick? The man looked absolutely terrible, just like he had just seen a ghost. I glanced back at Edward and realized that he noticed that too. Edward was frowning, staring at the café owner until the man left the café. Mr. Blunt was almost running. What was wrong with him?

The waitress asked something, and Edward woke up from his thoughts. He thanked the girl for her help and let her lead us to our table.

"What's wrong?" I asked when the waitress offered us a menu and left.

Edward shook his head. He didn't open his menu - of course, not.

"The café's owner… I was just a bit amazed by his thoughts," he answered. "His way of thinking is very unusual. His thoughts are confused, and it's hard to read something clear. The only words I heard were: "too young". The man was repeating it again and again involuntarily, without even realizing it."

I felt relief to hear that.

"Well, it's not surprising, then," I answered. "You look much younger than me."

A sudden bitterness sounded in my voice. I thought that I really stopped worrying about the fact that Edward looked a bit younger. In the end, his soul was much elder… but still, he looked like a teenager. I didn't.

Edward grimaced.

"The difference in our age isn't that crucial. I'm quite sure he was thinking about you as well. Perhaps, we both just looked like teenagers, and that surprised him, that's all."

It was so touching. Edward was trying to comfort me when I was still full of doubts. I shook my head, guilty of my thoughts. I was a grownup now, but still behaved like a sensitive teenager. I needed to try to be more optimistic.

"Well, let's hope he won't call the police," I tried to joke. "We don't look like runaway kids, do we?"

It cheered Edward up a little. The waitress brought my breakfast, and he changed the subject quickly and began to tell me about Chicago while I was eating. A sandwich and a big cup of tea did its work. Relaxed, happy and satisfied, I was ready to get back on the road.

"You can get in the car while I'm paying the bill," Edward said.

"I'll just wait outside," I suggested. I didn't want to sit in the car alone. Moreover, it would be nice to stretch my legs a little. Travelling by car wasn't that easy.

I was standing not far from the parking lot when somebody said in a low drawling voice:

"You've got a very interesting friend."

I turned and noticed a man sitting on the bench in the tree shadow. A Native American, middle-aged, confident, long-haired, he looked like a young version of Billy Black. The man was calm, although his dark black eyes were fuming.

I smiled politely, but didn't say anything. The man must been noticed us when we arrived. He was like a raven, like an old wise bird, watching the forest.

"You two remind me of one old legend," he continued as if we had a real conversation.

I furrowed my brow. Another story about the cold ones?

"What legend?"

I wasn't curious and I didn't like that man, actually, but it was impolite to keep staying silent.

Something like smile appeared on the man's face.

"My forefathers came from Oregon; when I was a child, my grandfather told me their old legends. One of them concerns the Island of the Dead," he paused a little. "Our people buried dead there, they believed that sprits inhabited that place. The legend I heard was telling about a young girl who came on that island to live there with her dead lover." {1}

"Sounds creepy," I said. "I'm not sure that I want to hear it in full."

I had already guessed what was going on. He _knew_. The man knew who Edward was. The mentioning of that story wasn't just a coincidence, and even if the man didn't know about vampires, he had guessed that there was something wrong with Edward. Maybe, he just sensed it, but couldn't describe it completely.

The man shrugged.

"I can't make you listen to the whole story, but all stories have something to teach," he answered. "I think that the legend is still actual - it gives something to think about."

"Really?" I asked, hoping that he would notice sarcasm in my voice.

The man was staring at me without blinking.

"I thought that the legend taught us the truth about relationship. If you love somebody, you must accept his lifestyle. Love is always a sacrifice… I thought about it when I saw you and your friend."

"Bella?"

Edward was shifting his gaze from me to the man and back, his lips pressed together, his glance cold.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a serious tone. Too serious. Just like I was in danger.

He didn't like the conversation I had with the stranger. Of course, he didn't.

"Yes, I'm okay," I smiled to him. "Did you pay the bill?"

We needed to forget about it and return to our normal life as fast as possible.

Edward nodded. My smile helped him relax a little.

"Yes. We can continue our journey, if you're ready."

I nodded and then turned to the man for the last time.

"Thank you... for your story," I wanted to stay polite, even if I didn't like the conversation at all.

The man didn't say a word, and I thought that he completely ignored us. Well, it didn't disappoint me at all.

We almost reached Edward's car when the man spoke again.

"It's a _new moon_ ," he cried so loudly that I could hear every word. "Don't start anything new at that time… they say it's bad luck."

"Get in the car," Edward commanded.

I obeyed. I didn't want to confess that I was scared now.

* * *

Daniel Blunt crossed the parking lot and almost jumped in his car. His breath was short and hungry, Daniel was sweating, and his heart was beating too fast. When he started the engine, Blunt noticed that his hands were shaking.

Following the instructions, Blunt continued thinking about rubbish in case if the boy could hear him. He still remembered about radio waves. Daniel knew that the boy could read his mind, and he was attentive. The only thing Blunt missed was his shock after seeing the young couple. God, he couldn't imagine they would be so young…

Blunt put on speed. He promised Victoria to fulfill her order, so he needed to do everything quickly. Daniel drove a few miles ahead, too far to be heard, and made a turn to the roadside. Then Daniel gave himself a few minutes for preparation. He was sitting in the car with his eyes closed, trying to calm down. He needed to make that phone call, he need to make that stupid phone call…

…but his time wasn't endless, and Blunt needed to hurry. Victoria would kill somebody anyway. Yeah, he needed to stop worrying about those kids and start worrying about himself. It was him or them.

Daniel opened his eyes, stretched out his hand, opened the glove box and took out the old notebook. After a short search he found a piece of paper with a phone number written on it.

Blunt took out his phone. His hands were still shaking.

They picked up the phone after two rings.

"Good morning," Daniel cried. He glanced at the rear-view mirror. His eyes looked scared. "I'm calling to report a crime…"

He knew that the woman that was talking to him was human, not a vampire. Her voice didn't sound as perfect as Victoria's, but it was even better. Human voice gave Daniel something like hope.

"What crime?" The woman asked him a question. Her voice sounded professional.

Daniel paused a little, trying to recall the words Victoria ordered him to say.

"The reason is a menace to vampires' existence," Blunt made a deep breath. "I want to report about a vampire who revealed the main secret to a mortal."

* * *

{1} the Island and the legend are actually real. I just mentioned the beginning of the story.

* * *

 **Writer's note:**

Hey, guys! I apologize for a long waiting, but I have some good news to share - there are four last parts left (three chapters + epilogue). I have just finished them all, and I'll try to edit& publish them as soon as possible. I hope you're still here, and you'll be here to read the end of the story and say goodbye to it.

Sincerely yours, a. kingsly


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 The end of everything**

We both were silent while Edward was driving the car. Everyone got lost in his thoughts. I pretended to look out of the window, but hardly saw anything. The man's words kept repeating again and again inside of my head.

 _The legend I heard was telling about a young girl who came on that island to live there with her dead lover._

That story must have really reminded him of us. I was human, Edward was a vampire. I was alive, but I didn't belong to Edward's world. I never belonged to his world. Our love was impossible. Wrong.

 _Love is always a sacrifice._

We both had to go through so many difficulties just for having a chance to love each other. I glanced at Edward. What did we need to sacrifice now for the chance to be together?

The only thought about it scared me to death.

 _It's a new moon. Don't start anything new at that time… they say it's bad luck._

Why did that man actually say that? I was so angry at myself for listening to his stupid story! A bad feeling was growing inside of me now. I didn't want to be afraid, and I wanted to stop thinking about it, but… It's always hard to stop thinking about something that frightens you.

I sighed again and shook my head. I needed to get out those thoughts of my head… but how could I do that?

I looked out of the window and finally realized that we crossed through the city without stopping.

"I thought we're going to the hotel," I said.

What was Edward up to? Were we going to visit his distant relatives immediately?

Edward caught my glance and smiled. My question seemed have distracted him. That was good. His mood was returning to normal again.

"Of course, not," he answered. "We are going home first."

I glanced at him, trying to understand the meaning of his words. Then, slowly, I began to understand what was going on. My eyes widened.

"Home?! You mean…"

"Yes, we've got the property in Chicago too," Edward rolled his eyes, noticing my reaction. "We own houses in different towns, Bella. There's nothing special about it."

I shook my head. It was too hard to believe in Edward's words. We spent days in that car, talking about everything – and Edward didn't drop a hint about having the house there. Great.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" I asked, angry now.

"I perfectly know you, Bella, and I don't have to be a predictor to guess your reaction. Take it easy. There's nothing to worry about."

Edward was talking to me as if I was a child.

"When did you buy the house?" I asked. I had to confess that I was still angry.

Edward's answer was full of surprises.

"A few weeks ago. I was planning this journey when parents advised me to buy property here," he said. "It's a good investment."

Awesome.

We crossed the city border and turned to the tiny road that was losing deep in the woods. I didn't notice the moment when the scenery really distracted me from my dark thoughts, and I was looking out of the window, examining the view hungrily. That place was really beautiful. We spent another half an hour, going deep into the forest, until I finally noticed how something was looming through the trees. I screwed my eyes and managed to recognize a little glade and a part of a building hiding behind a green wall.

"Home, sweet home," Edward murmured, and looked back at him, amazed.

To my surprise, he was smiling, and that smile reminded me about something very important.

Edward literally returned home.

The engine stopped. We got out of the car, and Edward gave me a hand, ready to show me a new residence of the Cullen family.

"We haven't seen the house yet," he surprised me with another confession. "Esme bought the house through one estate agency. They have been working on us for ages and perfectly know our tastes…"

We made few steps ahead, the green wall parted, and I finally had a change to see the house in full. We were standing not far from an old two stored mansion, probably, build in late Victorian era. Numerous windows, beautiful porch…

It was perfect. I was staring at house, trying to notice every little detail.

"The house will be renovated a bit later. We haven't found time to change anything yet… Esme asked me to apologize for that," Edward said.

I turned to him.

"The house is so beautiful!" I couldn't hide my delight. "It doesn't need any change!"

Edward chuckled.

"Our family needs a lot of space. Esme has already begun making plans. She wants to add an additional floor. The windows will be bigger, and the design needs some innovation..."

Edward continued talking, but, to be frank, I didn't listen. I was unable to take my eyes off the mansion. It sounded like a fairytale – buying a house. It wasn't real, right?

"Do you want to go inside?" Edward asked gently.

I nodded. He offered me a hand again and leaded me to the mansion.

Strange, but when we went outside, the air wasn't dusty at all. When I asked Edward about it, he said that Esme hired cleaner service to prepare the house for our arrival. She also took care about adding some furniture into the house.

"Previous owners left only a kitchen furniture set and an old dinner table, so we had to buy something quickly…I hope you don't mind about IKEA," he said apologetically, just like it sounded like a crime.

I laughed, watching Edward's expression.

"I think I can manage with that."

We scoped out the house, examining every room, while Edward was telling me about Esme's plans. He slowed me which wall would be destroyed and how every room would be renovated. Esme's plans were huge, but she was planning to create the real work of art.

The house had a very big basement, and I suggested that Esme could turn it into another room.

"Esme have already thought about that," Edward said, nodding. "You can share your ideas with her. I'm sure she'd be glad to hear your opinion…"

I blushed immediately. Edward's words were so frank and so touching, even if they meant something else to me. Edward considered me to be the part of his family - _the Cullens_ considered me to be one of them, despite the fact that I was still human. My nervousness about the man's words began sounding silly. I shouldn't have worried about it. Everything was all right now.

"There is plenty of room here," I said, pacing the basement. "I'm sure that Esme wants to turn it into something grandiose …"

I looked back at Edward and realized that he didn't listen to me. He turned into marble statue; his mind obviously far away from there.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked, by body was tensed.

He woke up from his thoughts and looked around, as if he forgot where we were standing. Did Edward look… scared? I didn't know what was going on, but it seemed like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.

Without giving me any explanation, Edward stretched out his hand, inviting me to join him.

"We need to go outside," he said in a bleak voice. "We have a visitor."

* * *

I looked back, glancing at the basement for the last time. Suddenly I wished we didn't have to meet any visitor whoever he was. I wished we stayed there and continued talking and examining the Cullens' expensive house. I wished we could play our own game.

We didn't speak, but my heart was more than controversial – it was beating so fast and so loud that my pulse was echoing across the whole house.

Edward and I went outside just by the time when a car was going stop in front of the house. It looked familiar to me, but I couldn't remember where I had actually seen it.

Edward hissed and then stepped ahead, covering me from an unexpected guest just like he was going to shield me from a bullet.

"Edward?" my voice began shaking. What a silly lamb. "Who is that?"

The car stopped, and the driver went out. I screwed up my eyes and finally recognized the man. We had already met him…

"Is that… that man form the cafe?" I asked in astonishment. "The one with strange thoughts?"

"Yes," Edward muttered.

"What is he doing here?" I asked, although I had dozens of different questions. What did he want? How did that man find us? Was he tracking us?

"He wants to speak..." Edward seemed have noticed my confusion. Unlike me, he had an ability to think about different things at the same time. "And he wants to apologize."

"Apologize?" I asked aloud. I couldn't see the whole picture yet. "For what?"

I looked at the man, still blind to see why Mr. Blunt wanted to meet us.

The café owner stepped closer, and Edward covered me again and snarled, making me start.

What an overprotective lion.

The man looked pale, and his hands were shaking. Sweat glittered on his face. He looked terrible when we saw him in the café, but he looked even worse now. Mr. Blunt raised his hands, showing that he was unarmed. I hid a smile. It would never help him, actually.

"I just came to warn you," he almost whispered. I barely heard his words. "I've tried to leave this place, but I couldn't go without talking to you... It's such a heavy burden."

Edward snarled again. The man sighed.

"I know about your gift," Blunt added, surprising me. I frowned. "You know that I'm honest… I just hope that you'll give me a chance to explain everything."

What he was talking about? How could he know about Edward's gift? It's impossible! I looked at Edward, hoping that he would give me an explanation.

"It's true. He knows everything about me," he answered.

Silence surrounded us, and I was too shocked to say anything. I glanced back at the café owner. It wasn't the answer that I had expected to hear. It's impossible, it couldn't be possible…

"But how…?" the question left my mouth before I thought about it.

Edward sighed.

"It appears that we... have a mutual friend," he answered evasively. "Daniel was told so much about us. He has been literally waiting for this day to come," Edward added sarcastically.

My blood ran cold.

"What?"

I didn't know what to expect, but my world fell apart when Edward said:

"He knows Victoria. He has been working on her for ages. She knew that we would come here."

 _Victoria?_ I looked at the man in astonishment. It couldn't be real. How could it be real? Edward must have had a stroke. Could vampires have a stroke?

"I'm really sorry," Daniel said, staring at us, his look full of pity. "But she let me no choice," he was trembling the edge of his shirt. "That woman, Victoria, she… she was blackmailing me into doing that. She promised to kill me… I had no choice, really."

"What did she make you do?" I asked, still staying behind Edward's back.

Blunt seemed have been glad to hear me.

"That woman was searching for you. Somehow she knew that you would appear in Chicago one day, and she guessed that you would visit my café. She's very smart, you know," he sighed. "I needed only to make one phone call after seeing you…"

I didn't understand anything.

"Phone call? What phone call?" I asked hopelessly.

Edward snarled again. What did he see in the man's mind?

"I don't know who exactly they are," Daniel confessed. "But they somehow connected to you," he pointed at Edward. "Victoria said that I needed to report about the crime and then tell them the name of the city where they should go. She said it would be enough. She said…"

"It's the Volturi," Edward whispered to me before I found the right answer. "The man phoned the Volturi," he seemed have been talking to himself now. "They're coming for us."

"I'm sorry," Blunt repeated again, shifting from one foot to the other. "I thought that I could do this, but... I can't. Your faces keep flashing before my eyes. You look so young, _so young_ , and I thought…"

"I can see all of your thoughts," Edward interrupted the man angrily. "Do you really think it can change anything?"

Edwards wasn't pronouncing these words – he was spitting them out, just like he bit into a rotten apple. It gave its effect. The man began shaking again. He finally realized who he was talking to. He finally got that Edward wasn't as young and harmless as Daniel wanted him to see.

"It's not too late to change everything," Daniel said, protecting himself, obviously. "You are so talented. You can always…"

"Do what? Save your ass? I can see what you're trying to do," Edward laughed bitterly. "Get out of here," he spitted out his words again. "Run while you still can. I'm quire sure that the ones you have invited here won't have any desire to listen to your silly story."

The man looked at Edward, shocked and scared, his eyes wide, and then hurried back to his car.

* * *

The car was leaving, and I lost a second or two, staring at it. Scared man's pale face was flashing before my eyes. I must have been in shock – it was impossible to make my brain work. Any tiny thought was lost.

A bird cried in the woods, and I startled, finally waking up. Edward wasn't there anymore. I looked around, searching for him and feeling that panic began to burn slowly inside of me. He couldn't just leave me, could he?

He was sitting on the steps, his perfect face hidden in his hands. Relieved, I sat next to him and touched his fingers.

"Edward? Can you explain me what's going on, please? I don't understand…"

I was silly, I know, but I needed his help. I couldn't see the whole picture yet. Stupid, stupid lamb.

Edward sighed, took his hands off his marble face and finally turned to me.

"Alice was right. We shouldn't have come here," he said quietly.

I frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's a trap, Bella," Edward said, looking me in the eyes, and his look made me freeze. "That's how Victoria wants to avenge James's death. She had been planning it all for ages... And her plan seemed to work."

An uncomfortable silence surrounded us.

"But…" It was still hard to believe that it all was real. "Why did the man have to phone the Volturi?"

"The Volturi is the part of Victoria's plan. She knew that she would never be able to win – our coven is too strong," Edward began to explain. He was generous - he was ready to forgive me for my stupidity. "So she created a new plan how to take revenge on us. Victoria guessed that you and I would appear here one day, so she found the man who would work on her. The café owner had been searching for us for ages."

"And the Volturi?"

"They are supposed to do the dirty work. Everybody knows that they're obsessed with the observance of laws – and how they're obsessed with dispensing justice when somebody breaks laws. Probably, Victoria made a decision to use that. The Volturi could deal with us without her interference. All what she needed to do was to find a good reason for it. That's why the man reported a crime. He told the Volturi about you."

"Me?" I asked in a high voice. When did I become so special to the vampire world?

Edward nodded.

"You have known about vampires for ages, Bella. It's our main secret, and you know it - and you're still alive. The Volturi can consider you to be a potential danger. They always eliminate the threat, and Victoria knows that," he said bitterly. "I bet it was her who created that mess in New York. She needed to make the Volturi come to America. If they were close enough, they would come here. The Volturi never leave unsolved problems."

My mind began working again, and I finally got everything. Victoria's plan was perfect, and it worked. She managed to draw the Volturi's attention to us. They were coming, and they wouldn't listen to our explanations.

It meant something else too. We were going to die…

A phone call made me jump. It was Edward's phone, not mine, and I glanced at him without hiding my surprise. Who was that?

Edward took the phone out his pocket, looked at the screen and said:

"It's Alice… perhaps, she managed to see something."

Edward took the call, and I heard the repercussion of Alice's melodic voice. It sounded scared.

"Yes, the human have already told us everything," Edward muttered coldly."Do you know it too?"

She answered something shortly.

"I don't know," he said. "Do you see any visions?"

Another answer. Silence, then a long sigh.

"How much time do we have?" Edward asked finally.

My body began to shake. I needed to stop worrying if I wanted to have my head clear, but my instincts reminded me of the mortal danger, and my self-control betrayed me.

"I got it… No, I don't think so," Edward answered. "Don't come. I think it's better for us… not to enlarge the problem."

When Alice answered something again, Edward paused a little, thinking about something. His face stopped looking like a marble mask. He looked almost like a human now.

Perhaps, the feeling of real sorrow made your heart beating, even if it was long dead.

"Tell them… tell that we love them, and…" he paused again, listening to Alice's suggestion, and then nodded, just like his sister could really see that nod. Probably, she really could. "Yes, it's the best way to say it."

I guessed what they were talking about. Edward was trying to say goodbye to his family.

I sighed, and Edward turned his gaze to me.

"I need to talk to Bella," he added quickly. "I'm not sure if I can call again."

Alice began shouting something, but he didn't listen. Edward finished the conversation. His eyes were full of pain and sorrow.

"Alice knows," I said.

He nodded.

"Alice had a bad feeling about today. She couldn't calm down, so Alice made Jasper drive her to Seattle where she was able to see the future."

"Did Alice see Victoria?"

"No. Victoria defeated us," Edward answered. "She is very attentive, and she isn't involved in our story directly. She has a chance to get away with it."

I nodded. Strange, but I really stopped feeling anything, just like somebody switched off all my feelings. I wished I could feel, but I didn't. I was numb.

"What's about the Volturi? Are they really coming?"

"Yes. They have got the message and made a decision to check the situation. They aren't that far from Chicago, so it costs them nothing to go here."

We paused a little, trying to accept the ugly truth.

"What did you tell Alice?" I asked, recalling their conversation.

"She wanted to join us," he explained shortly. "Alice suggested that they could come here, but I said that it was pointless. The Volturi are too close, and the family won't be able to get in Chicago before their arrival. We have to face them alone."

"And we have no chances," I added.

Edward nodded. He was broken.

"We're left alone with this."

I recalled Alice's crying, and something shivered inside of me. Maybe, it was the beginning of pain, and my feelings were returning to me.

Maybe, it's would be best if everyone stayed at home. The Cullens didn't have to participate in the conflict, and the Volturi's punishment wouldn't touch them. They would be safe.

"You're glad that they are staying home," I guessed, staring at him.

"Yes," Edward answered in a dead voice. "We'll be the one to get hurt. The others will stay alive."

"Are you sure that the Volturi won't go to Forks?" I asked, recalling my father's face. Poor Charlie…

Edward shook his head.

"I don't think so. Our death sounds like a good punishment. The Volturi know that it'll crush the whole family. It'll be enough."

Edward's words comforted me. Everything was clear now. We were in mortal danger, and we would likely die, but our families would be safe. I felt sadness to know that I wouldn't be able to hear Charlie's voice again, but if it was the price of his well-being, it wasn't that bad.

I stretched out my hand and found Edward's palm, my fingers wrapped round his. Warmth and cold created a perfect touch.

"It's my fault," Edward said again, sighing. "I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Don't blame yourself," I answered. It was my time to comfort Edward. I needed to be strong now. "You couldn't save me from everything."

Edward kissed my hand softly and inhaled my smell, trying to comfort himself.

"How much time do we have?" I asked.

"One or two hours."

"Does Alice see how the conversation will end?"

"She can only see that we're going to start talking. The other part of the future is hidden. It depends on the Volturi's decision. It'll change everything."

Edward sighed again.

"You were right. I shouldn't have left you then, seven years ago. It was our fate, and I shouldn't have interfered in its course."

"Well, you shouldn't have saved my life, then," I answered. "You shouldn't have stopped Tyler's truck, or you could let those junkies rape me… Are you going to regret that too?"

Edward froze, and then turned to me, looking me in the eyes, searching for something.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked curiously.

"Something as I thought we both would regret…" he answered cryptically.

A new call was heard, but Edward had no desire to pick up the phone that time.

"Is that Alice?" my voice was trembling again.

"Yes, it must be her," Edward said without even glancing at the screen.

"Do you know why she's calling?"

"I think I … I have just got an idea that may change the course of the future."

Did his voice sound like… hope? Maybe, I just wanted to hear it.

"Really?"

The phone stopped ringing because Edward simply turned it off. It surprised me again. What was going on?

Edward got up and gave me a hand.

"Don't you want to know her prediction?" I asked, letting him lead me to the house.

"I don't want to trust her visions anymore," he answered. "We have to take the risk, and I don't want to be distracted."

"Where are going?" I was really scared now. "What are you planning to do?"

When we crossed the corridor and continued our way, I guessed that we were returning to the basement.

"We need to prepare for the conversation," Edward said shortly. "It's going to take some time."

I couldn't understand what he was talking about, but I had already disliked Edward's new plan. Obviously, he was hiding something. Something I wouldn't approve.

Edward stopped and turned to me slowly. He touched my chin, pulling my face up so we could exchange looks. A second – and I lost in his beautiful perfect eyes. It confused me even more.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered in his quiet voice. What a beautiful melody. "I'm sorry for ruining your life. You deserved much better than me."

I smiled bitterly. Edward was still Edward. Was he going to apologize again?

Before I said something, his lips found mine, and that kiss wasn't as careful as it could be. It felt good, almost normal, just like Edward forgot about his own rules. He pulled me closer to him, his hand knotted in my hair. His smell was intoxicating, his breath was like honey.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered quietly in my ear. "I want you to remember it."

His lips moved to my chin and then down to my neck. All my thoughts left my head. I wanted to ask something, but I forgot what I wanted to ask. His cold sweet breath touched my neck, making me shiver, but I didn't mind. I really liked that. I froze in Edward's arms, waiting for a new kiss.

Something sharp brushed against my skin, and the next thing I felt was agonizing pain.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 The Volturi**

The monster inside of me was rejoicing at his victory, and I didn't do anything to stop him.

I had already drunk Bella's blood, and I thought that I would never feel a better taste. I hoped that I had discovered some secret formula, something absolutely perfect, and though Bella's smell was still amazing, her taste wouldn't wonder me again.

I was wrong. Bella was wounded at that time, she was sick and almost unconscious, and her blood was weak, although it tasted like nectar. But now, when Bella was healthy and strong, her blood got different taste - more saturated, just like a good aged wine. Bella became my victim, the real victim for the first time, and the monster was squeezing her fragile body without leaving a change to let her go.

"Edward," Bella whispered.

She placed her hands on my chest, trying to push me away. Of course, it didn't work, and I barely noticed her silly attempt to resist me. All what I noticed was the warmth of her body that was almost burning my skin.

"Edward," she whispered again, but the monster didn't want to listen. "Edward… Please, don't do this…"

These words made me freeze, reminding me about something.

 _You're not good for me, Bella._

 _Don't do this._

The moment from the past revived in my head again, and I saw Bella, so desperate and broken. I saw how her heart was breaking in front of me again. I saw my fragile Bella who was too unlucky to be human. And I let her suffer again…

I stopped breathing and finally woke up from my dream, the dream where I was a monster and my victim was going to die in my arms.

I forced myself to stop and finally released Bella from my steel embrace. She moved her head slowly. I listened to her heartbeat: it was still there, but it was weak, and Bella looked abnormally pale. The feeling of remorse touched my frozen heart: I drank too much of Bella's blood. It was my fault…

"Bella, Bella, can you hear me?" I asked. I was getting closer to panic.

Bella's eyes half-opened and closed again; she moved her head slowly, nodding, but her mind had already been floating in a viscous fog. I breathed a sigh of relief, noticing that. The situation was bad, but, at least, Bella was alive. I examined her pale bloodless face carefully. Her lips were almost blue. I could kill her. I _almost_ killed her.

I picked Bella up and went downstairs, still listening to her heartbeat. It was still weak and slow, but it was rhythmic, and that was good. I tried to calm down, listening to that beautiful melody. I was going to miss that…

Still holding Bella in my arms, I looked around. The house was almost empty, and I regretted that for the first time in my life. I brought Bella to the house that appeared to be her last home in her human life, and there was nothing there that could comfort her pain. I had spent years, trying to impress Bella and make her life more comfortable – and now all that time seemed have been wasted.

After some hesitation, I laid Bella on the big table in the dining room. She was still unconscious; her chest was moving slowly, her heartbeat was almost invisible. I squeezed her hand, thinking that, probably, it was even better that she couldn't feel anything now, because later…

Bella opened her eyes. Her back arched.

"My neck is burning!" she cried as loud as she could. Her face turned read almost immediately; pain was dancing in her deep chocolate brown eyes.

I squeezed Bella's hand again.

"I know, my love," I murmured, "but I swear: it'll pass…"

… _if we survive this day_ , I added in my own thoughts. I had never been an optimist, and I still wasn't sure that my conversation with the Volturi would end on a high note. The only thing I knew was that the Volturi would never get Bella. They would never be able to hurt her.

Because I did it myself.

"The fire! It burns me!" she cried again, breaking my heart into billion pieces.

Bella wasn't squeezing my hand now – she was trying to pass me her pain, and she would, probably, break my bones, if I was still human.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to me, her lips were shaking.

"It's getting stronger… " she complained, starting to cry.

I didn't know what to say. I knew that it was only the beginning. I knew that it was going to be worse... How could I comfort her, knowing that she was going to visit hell?

"I know," I whispered back, my voice full of pain. "But you need to be strong," I added. "It'll end, I swear. Just stay strong. "

I rubbed her tears away. They were hot and almost burned my cold skin. Bella didn't notice my cold touch at all. She was in agony.

At that moment I caught a glimpse of a sudden thought.

 _Closer._

Still holding Bella's hand, I turned my head to the sound of the thought automatically and listened to it.

 _Closer. Closer. Closer._

The Volturi. Their tracker had found us. They were getting closer. I looked back at Bella and touched her cheek softly. The moment had come.

"The Volturi are coming," I said to her in a mild comforting tone. "I have to leave you for a while. I'll return when everything is over."

 _If I survive this day_ , I thought, but preferred to keep my thought quiet.

I kissed Bella's forehead and made a deep breath, enjoying her smell for the last time. Bella barely noticed that, I wasn't even sure that she heard what I had just said. She was wringing with pain, dancing in agony. The darkness closed her eyes again.

"I'll return as fast as I can," I added before leaving.

The Volturi's thoughts began sounding clearer.

The end had begun.

* * *

I was standing near the house, waiting for them to appear. I still could hear Bella, crying and screaming inside of the house, but I made myself focus on the Volturi's thoughts.

It was three of them, and I could recognize them due to Carlisle's memories.

 _Demetri._ The tracker whose thoughts I heard first. It was him who was leading the rest of the group there. Demetri was really good, his talent was useful and powerful, and he always participated in foreign travels. One phone call from Daniel was enough for him to start tracing us.

 _Felix._ He was strong, _really_ strong, much stronger than me or even Emmet. It was almost impossible to stand against him, and I wasn't sure that my abnormal speed could help me if I had to fight with him. I sighed. I didn't like it at all.

But to my horror, Felix wasn't the main problem - it was _Jane_ , the leader of their little group. Her talent was very specific. Carlisle told me that the pain she created was only mental, not real, but it was impossible to avoid it. I had a small chance to trick Demetri or Felix, but I didn't have any chance to trick Jane.

They came out of the fog and went directly to my side.

 _It's here_ , Demetri reached the destination. His feelings didn't fool him. He smiled, glancing at the mansion.

 _Great_ , Felix grinned, noticing me. He was almost happy. In Felix's opinion, the previous part of their journey was really boring.

 _Interesting_ , Jane turned her head to the side of the house. Bella screamed. Jane frowned, listening to that.

Demetri and Felix heard Bella too. I suppressed the desire to snarl at them. She was mine.

"Demetri. Felix. Jane," I nodded shortly when they stopped and began examining me.

The Volturi didn't hide their surprise. We had never met before, but I knew everything about them thanks to Carlisle. If I survived that day, I must thank my father for that.

"You seem to be well-informed about us," Demetri noticed. Something like respect blinked in his tone.

I smiled. They didn't know anything about me. Or Alice. The Volturi didn't know about our talents, and it could give me some advantage. In theory.

"It's hard not to know about the arrival of such important guests," I pointed at their grey cloaks.

Felix grinned, considering my words as a compliment. It reminded me of Emmet. He and Felix could have become friends if they were on one side.

"We've got the information about the perpetration a crime," Jane was irritated. Unlike others, she hated talking in circles. "We know that you revealed the secret of our existence to a mortal, endangering all our lives. The Volturi don't forgive that."

Of course, they had already guessed that the information was real. They knew that I was protecting a human. The Volturi heard Bella's screams, and they would notice her smell if she was there. It wasn't that difficult to put two and two together.

Jane was calm; she was triumphant. She was almost happy, because if the end of the case was successful, Aro would praise her. It was clear – Jane couldn't stop thinking about her leader. His face was flashing before her eyes all the time. Unlike her, Demetri was bored - he barely listened to Jane's monologue. I sighed. I wished his thoughts would give me some clue.

Luckily, Felix helped me even he had no idea about it. After hearing Jane's words he immediately thought about the young woman sitting inside of their ancient castle. He imagined her blushing while greeting him, and recalled her loud heartbeat that sounded funny and weird.

I hid a smile. It was exactly what I needed.

"Well, I have never thought that it can be so serious," I shrugged, trying to look a bit naive, "especially, when you're doing the same thing. Aren't you revealing our secret to humans who work on you?"

My answer surprised them. Felix and Demetri exchanged glances and then turned to Jane, waiting for her reaction. Jane felt like the ground shifted beneath her feet. She hated to lose.

"We have humans who are working on us, but it never lasts for too long," she answered angrily. "We always solve this problem, sooner or later. Our secret remains secret."

"I have already solved the problem too, then," I answered.

" _Edward!"_ Bella cried from the house, and we all turned to her side immediately.

Felix grinned.

"We've noticed that," he answered.

Jane sighed. _It's unfair!_ she thought.

"But it doesn't take it off the table," Jane added aloud. "Your human have been known our secret for too long. She could make it public."

"But she didn't," I answered immediately. "It's clear."

"Why should we trust you?" Demetri asked. He turned his head to my side, examining me again.

I smiled.

"I can't make you trust me, but you have to trust yourself. If the secret was exposed, you would know it first, right? Your reputation is perfect."

The Volturi didn't know what to say. They fell into their own trap.

"Still, delaying looks very suspicious," Jane said again. She didn't want to give up.

I shrugged.

"Nobody set up time frame for that. Moreover, we needed some time for making a _clean break_. It's not that much."

The Volturi were silent. Felix and Demetri didn't have any opinion about it and waited for Jane's answer again. On the other hand, Jane was disappointed. She considered that part of the trip a waste of their time.

It gave me an opportunity to change the subject quickly.

"Actually, I'm surprised that you found our situation to be so interesting," I said in a calm tone. "Your informant is human too, and he knows much more than he's supposed to know. And New York…"

My words awoke them.

 _Does he know anything?_ Demetri thought in his mind.

 _Amazing_ , I read in Felix's mind. _He's full of surprises…_

I smiled. They hadn't known anything yet. They still hadn't found the vampire who created that mess.

"What's about New York?" asked Felix.

"What human?" asked Jane, trying to read everything on my face. _It would be nice to use pain…_ she thought, staring at me. Jane hid a smile, thinking about it.

"I think that I know who has done that," I answered as fast as I could. I had no desire to please Jane. "Her name is Victoria. We had a conflict in the past, so she craved revenge. Victoria couldn't attack me directly, so she created the plan where she could use you as her puppets."

I knew that that comparison would make them angry.

"Do you want to say that she started killing humans in New York to make us go here?" asked Felix. He was offended. And angry.

 _We had to travel so far from home because of some crank?_ he thought.

 _It's ridiculous_ , Demetri said in his mind.

 _It's inappropriate_ , Jane imagined a hidden figure wringing with pain.

I nodded.

"I think that's her, but you can ask her about it, if you want."

"Don't even doubt t that," Demetri said happily.

 _I can feel_ , he sniffed, just like he really smelled Victoria's scent. It was fascinating to see how his talent worked.

"Was the informant involved in that plan?" Jane asked. She glanced at Demetri and looked pleased to see that he tracked Victoria down.

I nodded again.

"Yes. He owns a café on the edge of the city. Victoria made him spy for her. He was supposed to watch all the tourists and make a phone call after finding us. Victoria intimidated the man, even killed a human in front of him."

That fact amazed the Volturi too.

 _Another rule is broken_ , Felix thought. He was right. We weren't allowed to hunt in public. Victoria would have very serious problems…

Demetri sniffed the air again. He was searching for Daniel now, but I couldn't say that I felt any sorry for him. If the Volturi killed him, it wouldn't be my problem.

Jane took a second to make a decision. The chance of torturing Victoria made her feel better.

 _And Aro would be pleased too_ … she added in her thoughts.

I hid a smile.

"We thank you for your information," Jane said aloud finally. The decision was made. "We'll check it as fast as we can."

"I have no doubts about that," I said politely.

Demetri was the first one to turn away. He was choosing the right way to go.

"You'd better solve your problems in time. The Volturi don't accept delays," Jane glanced at the house for the last time. _Small potatoes_ , she said in her head.

"Yeah. Don't drag your feet," Felix said.

"I'll remember that," I nodded, saying goodbye to them.

Having lost interest in me, they barely noticed my nod. The Volturi left the glade almost immediately, just like they had never been there.

After making sure that they had done, I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

It was over. We survived the darkest day in our lives. It was unreal, almost impossible, and it was hard to accept that. It was over…

"Edward!" Bella's voice woke me up, making me open my eyes. "Help me!"

Her voice was full of despair.

I sighed and returned to the house quickly, preparing myself for the final battle.

The last thing we had to go through was pain.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 New life**

I was so stupid, and I was so wrong. Having lost in Edward's presence, his smell and his deep eyes, I didn't realize what he was really up to. Still waiting for a kiss, I relaxed my vigilance. I made a huge mistake.

The pain I felt was sharp and strong, and it almost paralyzed me. I couldn't scream. I couldn't panic. All what I could feel was pain.

Caught in a trap, I had no chance to escape. The monster had finally shown his real face, and I didn't recognize him at all. Only now, dying in Edward's arms, I realized how actually dangerous he really was. I always, always underestimated him. I forgot that I needed to be afraid.

"Edward…" I whispered, but he barely noticed that.

The lion had caught his lamb.

I used my last strengths, trying to push the monster away, but he ignored that too. Edward's teeth sucked deeper into my skin instead, and I held my breath, trying to endure the pain. I didn't know how fragile my skin was, but it appeared to be like a sheet of paper. I was only a human, and I regretted that now.

That paralyzing pain was still there, but something began to change. The air lost its taste. My head was reeling. I felt giddy, and I felt deadly cold. I was not okay…

"Edward…" I barely whispered.

I made my last attempt to stop the monster. Strange, but I still had hope to reach out to Edward who was sharing the same body with the stranger I had never met. I was silly, I know, but hope was all I still had.

"Edward… Please, don't do this…"

My words woke something up inside of Edward's head. I felt how his body suddenly froze, and then Edward slowly moved away from me. The grimace of pain was pained on his face. I made a sigh of relief. The pain was fading away.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to enjoy my victory. The darkness began to surround me from all sides. It was so powerful and so fast, that it absorbed me before Edward asked something. I didn't hear his question, but moved my head, trying to show that I had heard his voice.

Darkness was all around me. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I stopped feeling pain. Maybe, Edward drank too much of my blood. I stopped feeling anything, and that was great.

Not for too long. When I was ready to fade in that darkness, something went wrong. At first it felt like sunlight touched my neck. Its heat was weak, but almost pleasant, and I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of Phoenix and my childhood with Mom. God, I missed the sun…

The light's touch was getting stronger, turning into sunburn. I got a desire to cover my neck, to hide myself from that light and the heat if it could make me feel better. But I didn't have time to do that. Sunburn was evolving, turning into something else. There was getting too hot inside of me, and the heat began spreading through my whole body. It didn't warm me now – it was burning me, making me feel horrible, unbelievable pain.

"My neck is burning!" I cried as loud as I could.

My heart was pounding, and it was only picking up speed.

"I know, my love," I heard Edward's voice somewhere from a distance. "But I swear: it'll pass…"

The fog in my head vanished, leaving striking clearness. I knew what it was. I remembered. The venom was killing every cell of my body. The venom was killing me.

Edward's words irritated me. How could he stay so calm? He didn't understand anything!

"The fire! It burns me!" I cried again in despair. I squeezed Edward's hand, hoping that his cold touch would save me.

It didn't.

The fire inside of me was getting hotter. And hotter. Too hot! I couldn't stand it. How could I actually love the heat?! It seemed like I felt every cell of body, and I felt how every cell was burning in that fire. It was real hell, and I didn't know how to escape it. Every second was endlessly long, and it only prolonged my torture.

"It's getting stronger… " I complained to Edward.

"I know," he whispered back. "But you need to be strong. It'll end, I swear. Just stay strong."

It's easy to say that. At first I was confused by Edward's behavior, but then I realized: he just didn't understand it. Edward forgot what I had to go through. There was only reason why he actually made a decision to change me. Edward forgot what was that - to be human…

While my whole body was burning, my thoughts remained clear. I was so silly when I was dreaming about becoming a vampire. How could I actually have a desire to experience that?

Be careful what you wish for… one day your dream may appear to be too painful.

Pain was excruciating, and my body was twitching, trying to release that pain. Perhaps, I screamed, but I barely noticed that. I would do anything if it could help me get rid of that hell.

"The Volturi are coming," Edward's voice appeared out of nowhere. "I have to leave you for a while. I'll return when everything will be over."

I tried to move my head, searching for his eyes, but saw only darkness. Was he going to leave me? Hell no!

I was searching for Edward, but he was slipping off.

"I'll return as fast as I can," his voice was fading.

Panic was raising inside of me. My heartbeat was too painful. I had to accept the ugly truth. Edward left me. _Again_. He promised to stay with me, _always_ \- and he didn't fulfill his promise. I began to sob. Edward said that he loved me, but he let the darkness consume me and left nothing but pain. He shouldn't have returned after those long seven years. I was alone again.

The temperature was getting higher. Pain surrounded me from all sides. A billion sharp needles were piercing me again and again, making me shout. My skin was going to burn down right on me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it…

I wished I never appeared there. I wished I died in the car accident. I wished James killed me that day. I wished I stopped feeling that pain…

"Edward!" I cried, unable to suffer it in silence. It barely helped, but I tried again. "Edward!"

I hated that Edward left me and I would hate him too if he returned. I hated his perfectness, his marble skin, his golden eyes and his voice. I hated the day I had met him and the moment I fell in love with him. I hated myself for going to Forks and I hated myself for the life I had lived.

I would do everything for a chance of taking that pain away.

* * *

It seemed like I spent an eternity, boiling in that fire, when Edward's cold touch returned me to reality – if that reality still existed.

"It's over, Bella," he whispered. "They are gone. The Volturi are gone. We're safe."

He was rejoicing over it. I could hear it – and I hated it too.

"I don't care!" I cried angrily. "Please, take this pain away!"

Actually, that idea was good. Edward still could do it, right? He sucked out the venom after James had bitten me – and he could do that now…

"I can't," his answer was clear. "I'm sorry, Bella. The venom had already begun spreading. I can't stop this process."

"Then kill me," I suggested, writhing with pain. "Just kill me!"

"Bella…"

Pain colored Edward's voice. Good. He felt it too.

"Please, please, please, please," I cried. "Please, do this. If you really love me, then do this. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Stop it. Stop the pain!"

"I can't!' his rigidity irritated me even more. "I'm sorry. I'm too selfish for that."

Another wave of pain covered me. My back arched.

"You'd better killed me today," I said angrily. "I wished you killed me today."

I was betrayed. Edward fooled me. He tricked me and sent me to hell... But I didn't do anything wrong! I just fell in love with a vampire. How could I know that my sin was so serious?

* * *

I cried, and screamed, and swore at Edward, recalling every curse I had ever known, but he kept sitting beside me, squeezing my hand and promising that my pain would fade. I didn't believe him, of course. Edward was a perfect liar. I couldn't trust him anymore.

I didn't know how long it lasted – in my opinion, I spent my whole life, burning in that fire. My body was trying to resist the venom, but I knew I was losing. I wasn't that strong.

Some time later I stopped screaming – it didn't help me, anyway. Clearness continued living inside of my head, and it helped me get it together and lay silent. I wanted to cry, but I felt that I couldn't do it anymore.

Then I began to think – and I had a lot to think about. I thought about Charlie, imagining his tired face. My poor Dad. He asked me to stay home, and I didn't listen. He had a bad feeling about that travel, and I completely ignored it. Different faces were flashing before my eyes. The man near the café warning us about _new moon_. Angela hugging me for the last time. Alice helping me with making my first step after the accident. The Cullens, always perfect and beautiful. Jacob Black who had the happiest smile in the world after mentioning his future child. My lovely and silly Mom. My Dad Charlie waving goodbye.

 _Charlie._ What did I have to do now? I wished I could cry again. I lost Charlie forever. Even if survived that agony, I wouldn't be able to see him again…

"I didn't say goodbye to Charlie," I complained, turning my head and looking at Edward.

My vision was returning to me, getting clearer and clearer, but my heart was trying to leave my chest. It was still resisting.

Edward squeezed my hand again, and I didn't feel cold.

"Don't worry about it, my love," he murmured. "We'll work it out. I'll talk to Carlisle... we'll find the way to solve this problem."

I doubted it.

A few lifetimes later my feelings began freezing. I finally calmed down, and my anger vanished, leaving nothing but coolness. I had to admit that I was going to become a vampire. Edward was right - there's no turn back. The situation was getting clearer now. There's no turn back…

The fire began fading from my fingertips and toes. Edward smiled widely after hearing about that.

"It's almost over," he promised. "You'll see."

I didn't believe him, but he didn't lie. He didn't lie to me that time. The fire was fading, accumulating inside of my chest.

"This is the last part of the change, I promise," Edward said when my heart began beating faster. And faster. And faster. It was going to break into pieces. It was going to fight to the death.

I stopped counting my heartbeat. It was too rapid. Edward stopped breathing, staring at me.

I made a deep breath, trying to taste the air for the last time.

My heart made its last steps and then stopped. Silence filled the whole room. Edward and I didn't say anything. We both froze, waiting for a new heartbeat, but there was no heartbeat heard. There was no life there, only death.

Edward breathed a sigh of relief and touched my cheek gently. His touch was warm now, and, to my astonishment, I really liked it. It was like silk, if silk could be perfect.

I glanced at Edward for the first time. He was still dazzling me - I knew it for sure.

He smiled, watching me.

"Good morning," Edward said and then chuckled. He looked happy, "or, better say, good night."

I turned my head and looked out of the window.

" _Twilight_ ," I murmured, watching the deep purple sky. I didn't recognize my voice. It was too melodic.

Edward nodded.

"Twilight," he repeated. "The beginning of your new life."

* * *

 **Writer's note:** It's not the end of the story, there's an epilogue left. I'll publish it tomorrow. Thanks for reading the story!


	30. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

When I was young, I was ready to sacrifice everything for love – even if my life was the price of it. Dazzled by first love, I didn't really care about myself. I was confident of making decisions. I wasn't afraid of pain, and I certainly didn't fear Death.

When I grew up, everything changed. First love stopped dazzling me, and my old plans and decisions began looking silly in my own eyes. My life got its price, no matter how ordinary it really was. I got something to lose, and I realized that to be afraid wasn't that bad.

When you grow up, the world around you change, and you realize that your life will never become a fairytale. One day you grow up, and you leave your teenage dreams in your past, like you leave old photographs in a dusty album. One day you grow up, and you see that life is constant changing and learning, and freezing in time isn't a perfect life.

One day you begin to be afraid of Death, and the only thing that helps you fight with it is hope. They say hope never dies. I cannot but agree with that.

* * *

The deer was still twitching in my hands, but life was leaving it rapidly. I closed my eyes, draining my victim. The warm blood filled my frozen body, and I felt almost normal now.

 _Almost_.

I noticed his steps long before I saw him. They were accurate, light, almost weightless, and it sounded like music to my ears. I shook my head, listening to them. Even after becoming a vampire, I still wondered how gracious he really was.

"Are you really hoping that draining another deer will help you outrun me?" Edward teased me, coming into sight.

I smiled, glancing at him.

"I won't be able to do that," I answered confidently. "You are too fast."

Actually, I _could_ outrun Edward in the first year of my new life, but it was long ago. Still, running was something I really enjoyed now. It was almost like flying. An impossible freedom.

"Don't you even want to try?" Edward asked, teasing me again.

A half second later we both broke into a run. It wasn't a competition, but we both liked running together, putting on speed. I could see everything around me if I really paid attention, but I enjoyed watching the perfect abstract picture instead. The green forest was a real work of art.

I chuckled when the sunlight penetrated through the tress and touched my pale skin. I was sparkling, reflecting the light a million times. Of course, it wasn't exactly the heat I remembered when I was human, but it reminded me about good days, making me feel happier.

I was happy now, after all. At least, I could be dead, so my new life would never turn into regret.

Edward slowed down a little, letting me catch up with him, and then held out his hand. I didn't hesitate and accepted it immediately. We continued our way together, holding hands, and it balanced us, bringing some piece to our dead hearts.

"I think we need to go back to the house," Edward broke silence first. "It's time to go."

I nodded and squeezed his hand. He was absolutely right.

I felt a sudden nervousness that filled me from head to toe. Our trip was a special event – we went to see somebody very important. Perhaps, it should have become a routine for somebody, but not for me, and I couldn't stop worrying about the reunion. Strange, but now I was the same Bella as I was in the past. I became a vampire, but I didn't bury all feelings. They weren't dead - there were just locked inside of my perfect cold body, that's all.

Edward and I returned to the house and soon began our journey by car. Of course, we could travel by foot, but we needed to pretend being humans. It was the part of the plan we needed to follow if I wanted to see the person I loved.

I looked out of the window, but saw nothing around me. I was too anxious. Edward noticed that and stretched out his hand again. I squeezed it, realizing how much I needed it now. Edward still could read me like an open book, even if my thoughts were closed from him.

"Don't worry, Bella," Edward said, comforting me. His whisper sounded even better in my new life. "He'll be there."

"I know," I answered quickly, noticing some hysterical tone in my voice. "But I can't stop worrying. What if…"

"Alice said that everything would be okay," he reminded me. "She can't be wrong."

I rolled my eyes. Of course, Alice couldn't be wrong. It was pointless to argue with her about the future.

I looked at our entwined fingers. Years later after my changing, I could say that my love for Edward was still there. Of course, it felt different, and it took some time to become the love we had now. And it wasn't that easy. My childish obsession with Edward became the part of the past. Now I knew that love was a constant work and self-cultivation. Perfect love lived only in silly books – the real love, even eternal one, required constant attention.

Edward so understanding. After calming down and getting used to a new life, I felt sorry for all curses I had told him while I was changing. I knew it had hurt Edward, and I knew that he would always remember every word I said. But it was pain talking in me at that time, and, of course, he forgave me when I tried to apologize for that. In my opinion, Edward turned out to be a much better partner than I deserved…

…and he also made me such an unbelievable present. Edward fulfilled the promise that was impossible to fulfill. While I was changing, Edward promised me to save Charlie in my new life.

And Edward did it. He persuaded Carlisle and the rest of family to let Charlie know our secret, and after some consideration they agreed to help us. We didn't want to disappoint Dad, so Carlisle made a decision to tell him everything before organizing my fake funeral. To our astonishment, we got an unexpected help from Billy Black. He guessed that something bad had happened to me; after getting the news from Carlisle, Billy offered his help with having a conversation with Charlie. Billy loved his best friend, and he had no desire to break his heart as well. Strange, but vampires and werewolves concluded a new treaty. They started to help each other survive in the modern world.

Carlisle and Billy told Charlie that part of the truth that Dad was ready to listen. Charlie didn't belong to a supernatural world, but in the end he accepted the rules of the game. He didn't want to know much, but promised not to ask questions if it gave us a chance to be together.

It was unreal, but it worked, and Edward and I started visiting Charlie several times a year. We had to change locations and move across the country for the opportunity to spend a quiet day together, but it didn't matter. The game was worth the candle.

"We're almost here," Edward murmured. "I can hear his thoughts."

I made an unnecessary breath.

"What is he thinking about?" I asked. I didn't know why I was asking it. Maybe, I was too anxious, that's all.

Edward smiled his beautiful crooked smile and turned to me.

"He's waiting for you," he said shortly, knowing that it would be enough to comfort me.

I nodded and squeezed his hand again. Everything would be alright now.

Our car turned left, then turned again and again, and soon began slowing down. I inhaled deeply, finally noticing a familiar smell. At first my reunions with Charlie were difficult, but a decade later thirsty stopped bothering me.

"We arrived," Edward said, cutting the engine.

Having no desire to wait for any second, I unfastened the seat belt and went out of the car. It didn't mean that I worried about my safety. I needed to remember about the rules.

It was easy to find him. An old grey-haired man was standing near his truck thirty hundred meters away from us. He was examining the trees and the pale grey sky and then turned to our side, noticing us.

"Bella?" Charlie asked in a surprised, but happy voice. He never asked questions, just like he promised, but Dad was still amazed at my appearance.

"Dad!" I cried back, smiling at him.

I ran to Charlie, trying to keep human's speed. I still needed to remember about the rules. We all did.

Charlie looked relieved after examining me closely. I was real – he could see it now.

"It's you," he said, hugging me, his voice sounded confident now. "It's you."

Cold didn't scare him at all, and I relaxed in his warm arms.

"It's me," I repeated his words and closed my eyes, enjoying our little moment. "I'm back."

THE END

* * *

 **Writer's note**

Can you imagine that this is the very end?)

I'd like to make a confession. I've never been a Twilight fan, and I've never imagined that I can write the story like that. But I remember how it all started. I stuck with writing my own story when one day I saw the article about the books' anniversary. After seeing it, I remembered the moment when I read them for the first time as a teenager, and I tried to recall my impressions of it. When I read "New Moon", the moment when Edward left Bella really impressed me, and though I had no idea about fanfiction at that time, I was wondering what could happen if Edward didn't return so quickly. I remembered all that after seeing that article and wrote the first chapter almost immediately. I didn't know why I was doing it, but I felt that I needed to do it. Strange things happen, you know?)

At the same time, I didn't want to portray the characters as perfect and nice as they used to be. Our impression of things changes when we're getting older, and I wanted to show it too. I wanted to see a new version of Bella, more serious and grown up. I wanted to show that vampires weren't perfect – they could do really awful things or could be irritating sometimes. I wanted to show that everything had changed, and I hope, I could do this.

Dear readers! Thank you for your time and for all your reviews and comments. Maybe, my story isn't that big and popular, but your attention means so much to me. I'd like to thank my beta readers who helped me with a few chapters (sorry if I was too impatient!). I also want to thank wonderful _Coffeefilterart_ who helped me edit my text as well. English is not my native language, and the fact that different readers from different countries can read my story, really amazes me.

Well, here's the end. I'm a bit sad, but I'm glad that I began writing this unusual story. Thanks for making this journey with me!

Sincerely yours,

a . kingsly


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